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#78741 - 03/30/06 01:47 AM a poem from when i was little (trigger i think)
kuurt Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/05
Posts: 168
Loc: louisiana
deleted for privacy.
sorry,
kurt

_________________________
"if it keeps on rainin' the levee's gonna break.
and if the levee breaks, i'll have no place to stay"
-led zeppelin

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#78742 - 03/30/06 08:12 AM Re: a poem from when i was little (trigger i think)
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Kurt,

I'm very glad you posted this poem. It's a good reminder of how you felt four years ago, and it's not surprising that you still feel much the same way now.

If you look at the poem carefully, you will see that the first five verses are about how you felt because of what he did to you, while the last three verses are you talking about what you think all that means for you now. You feel that because you never said no, you are as much to blame as he is.

But Kurt, it's never the boy's responsibility to say no to an adult who suddenly hits on him. A young boy doesn't have the emotional resources to know what to do, and quite often he will just freeze, or else he will do what the adult says because he trusts him. He thinks the world is safe and it just doesn't occur to him that the adult would ever do anything to hurt him.

This is why you will always be told here that it wasn't your fault. It's not that guys here just want to support you and make you feel better; they say it because it's true. It wasn't your fault.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#78743 - 03/31/06 10:11 PM Re: a poem from when i was little (trigger i think)
The Seeker Offline
Member

Registered: 04/10/05
Posts: 141
Loc: Ohio, USA
Kurt,

Your poem is very good. My heart almost stopped when I read it. It seemed like something I might write. I wrote a poem called Just A Boy that is posted here. It's similar. Your poem shook me up, so I went and read mine again which shook me up more but also calmed me down a bit. It ends on a happier note. It seems hard to breathe though, may I got triggered.

Keep writing. Thanks.

_________________________
The answers are in me.

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#78744 - 04/01/06 04:24 AM Re: a poem from when i was little (trigger i think)
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
Good thing you found it, sometimes things we write can help us later.

And things we read that others worte can help as well, either way I am glad you are growing and healing. There is no set pace for this, just keep going forward and be yourself.

Thanks for sharing this

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#78745 - 04/03/06 07:27 AM Re: a poem from when i was little (trigger i think)
kuurt Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/05
Posts: 168
Loc: louisiana
deleted for privacy.
sorry,
kurt

_________________________
"if it keeps on rainin' the levee's gonna break.
and if the levee breaks, i'll have no place to stay"
-led zeppelin

Top
#78746 - 04/03/06 11:23 AM Re: a poem from when i was little (trigger i think)
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Kurt,

That's interesting about your rubbermade container. When I was your age I packed up a lot of old stuff and stuck the box in the corner of the attic. When my parents moved in 1978 they told me about the box and just thinking about it triggered me all over the place. I didn't understand why, because I had gone into denial, but no way was I going to open that box.

When I finally went back to it a few years ago and looked at it, I found a lot of very sad things: bizarre sketches of myself, poems about a worthless dirty boy, a photo of our Scout troop (I had poked out the eyes of the adult leaders with a pencil), and other things I didn't want my parents to see. But there were also cool things in the box. A model car my Dad had helped me make from balsa wood, my Eagle medal from Boy Scouts, funny notes that my best friend and I had passed back and forth in school, a photo of him giving me the finger (a VERY naughty thing to own in those days), lyrics and music annotation I had made for Bob Dylan and Rolling Stones songs I was trying to figure out on my guitar, the Sears receipt for my first guitar, my Red Cross certification as a junior lifeguard, a Cree good luck amulet made for me by my grandmother, and so on.

Having all that stuff is helpful to me now, and I'm sure having your things will help you as well. It's important to have indications of who we were and how we felt in the past, even if those things aren't always so pleasant.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#78747 - 04/18/06 08:57 PM Re: a poem from when i was little (trigger i think)
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Kurt,

I am glad it was in a container that just floated.
Stuff like that is always worth having to reflect on in life.

I had a journal as a kid until my parents found it, and quizzed me so much about what I wrote.
Talk about privacy!

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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