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#78510 - 07/10/06 10:10 PM Re: A Shaken Faith *triggers*
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Something to think about, is the different native peoples indigenous to the earth.
The aboriginis who are closer to the earth than modern man could ever be, teach modern drug companies how to make drugs from plants.

Tea tree oil is vastly used in medicine, since the indian peoples used the leaves to keep pests from eating their stored foods.

All the indigenous peoples are closer to the earth than modern man who has forgotten what it is like to respect their fellow citizens, and worse, to deeply and profoundly hurt the little ones who walk among us, looking for guidance in their lives.

Survivors I have met here, generally have more empathy with the world and how it should be, and not what someone tells them it should be.

Slavery was never abolished, it was just replaced by poverty and drugs, so it is a rich mans paradise to use and abuse, those they find in poverty or lack of parental support.

The jackal will not give up when it eyes its prey, it will home in using its well learned act of using its prey to defend its lust, just as a bird of prey will never give up the hunt.

What keeps me going is that God did not want me to die, and I can testify that he has helped me on a few occasions already.

There were times in my life, where I asked God to stop this misery of life, he gave me.
But it was not Gods' choice that my life was miserable, it was those he met in life.

If God would turn me away, then I dont know how I should ever live any future life.
I really did think that following the devil was the thing to do, as I had already met the beast.

I chose not to ever be devoured by the beast, and turn away from anything that meant any part of being beast.

I am still the innocent boy who God created, and guess I wish I could share it more in real life.
Dont ever forget the good thing God bestowed on each and every one of us,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#78511 - 07/18/06 10:45 PM Re: A Shaken Faith *triggers*
Bobby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
Darrel,

I feel almost exactly as you do about God, and daily my feelings change. Some days a part of me is very devout and I spend most of the day in a sort of prayerful meditation without even thinking about it much. Other days, that same part of me feels that that place is empty that only the day before was filled with the warmth of a love that could only be described as god-like.
So, I make no judgments. I have decided that no established religion can be my answer, and that all of them are the result of people asking the same questions that I am asking......and then agreeing on a set of answers, because answers are so much easier than questions.

I want there to be a god very much, just as I wanted my father to love me very much. That second one didn't work out, but I still have hope for the first one. I have decided, however, that I will probably never know for sure, and this "hopeful doubting" may be as far as I ever get.

I do discover love in places, however. And, if there is a god, that's what I would want god to be....love in the world. I have found it in great abundance here. I have found it in you. That's why I keep coming back, I think. There is always love here. No matter what life hands me, I know I can come here and find love and caring. I can also find it with my family and in some ways, my church.

So, if god is love, then I think there must be god, because I have known love, and if satan is hate, well, I guess I've certainly known that, too, and at a very early age....not god and satan in the figures of men that we have made in our own image, but in the way mankind behaves and the way each of us behaves towards one another. This place is full of god/love, and I thank, well, god, for it every day.

Bobby

_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.




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#78512 - 07/19/06 12:24 AM Re: A Shaken Faith *triggers*
jesse7 Offline
Member

Registered: 04/26/06
Posts: 105
Loc: AZ
Bobby, you put it very well. I like the way you see things. There's something Divine in a bunch of strangers coming together and sharing the most intimate parts of their lives and not judging each other for it. Whether God exists or not doesn't matter--what matters is the love we have for one other. That is true healing.

Sometimes I ignore what is the most obvious and I make a game out of life and I begin to play religion. The simple things can be the most spiritually profound yet I ignore them. Seeing a sunset, hearing a dog bark, or just sitting alone crying at night are all very simple yet there is something deep in them that can't be grasped with words or communicated.

I don't know why people sometimes fight and argue over ideas of God. Their very Bible they use says that anyone who doesn't love their neighbor cannot possibly love God for how can they love God whom they can't see yet hate their nighbor whom they can see? (1 John 4:20) It doesn't ultimately matter what people believe in or what they think of me--their thoughts are their problem not mine. True love cannot be destroyed with concepts or ideas.

Jesse

_________________________
What lies before us and what lies behind us is nothing compared to what lies within us

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#78513 - 07/19/06 07:23 PM Re: A Shaken Faith *triggers*
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
we were created for his pleasure?i dont even like the sound of that. my cousin would tell me that god created me for his pleasure sounds to much the same to me.

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#78514 - 07/19/06 08:42 PM Re: A Shaken Faith *triggers*
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Jesse, people go to church each week, but they do not keep Gods commandments.
A set of simple rules that are pretty easy to follow, but it negates their lust, greed, and whatever other commandment he has given.

You know how people are, they have to be seen to be a little wealthier than next door, or they steal another mans wife etc.

We live in a World where another mans religion is turned into a political football, all in the name of religion, not the war, that ppl cause, which is far beyond religion.

Who do we cry to, when we are in despair!
God, because he is the last call, and we deeply cry for him to help us.

We ask why God cant stop wars, he cant do it, ppl cause wars for political and wealthy gain.
In any war, there is always the little miracles where ppl survive the unthinkable.

In plane crashes or other violent acts, some survive, but why? Did God choose for them to survive, and the others perish!

In past times life was harsh, but so many, men of God have given their own lives for their beliefs.
They have given up wealth that they were born into, to follow Gods word.

If those men could do it for God, then it is pretty easy for us to still follow God, by not breaking his simple rules.

If I look around myself, I see young men who sow their wild oats without ever looking after the child that ensues, they have sown their seed on stoney ground.

Life has a reciprocal effect, you could say that about us, but no, we chose not to reciprocate abuse on others, because we love our neighbour, and would not inflict a life like our own on them.

It makes us mentally more robust, even if we dont think so, it does.
I learned to love, because I had enough of anger, many moons ago.

Wealth, not me, lust, hmmm, try not to, but I am a man, greed, definitely not, sloth, nope.
We all fall short sometimes, it is a human frailty, but God will forgive you for human frailty,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#78515 - 07/19/06 09:56 PM Re: A Shaken Faith *triggers*
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
i have a book called a purpose driven life reading it only intensifies my feelings that this is not what i want or need ,i would like to quote from it here, what i'm getting at is if i read this stuff the first thing that comes to my mind is my abuser ,the parallels are scary ,ok it says god wants all of you,he wants all of your heart,all of your soul all your mind and all your strength ,the same things my abuser demanded from me. obedience unlocks gods power? call on me in times of trouble and i will rescue you,and you will honor me ,salvation maybe but its not free is it? there is a price demanded for salvation ,my abuser would not beat me if i did what he wanted ,salvation but at a price . chapter title, you were shaped for serving god ,i will never serve anything again not man or god.you must surrender your entire being to god,,surrendering is best demonstrated in obedeience you say yes to whatever the lord asks of you to say no to the lord is not acceptable?you cant be in the light of the lord if you refuse to obey him .if you leave out the part that says the lord and put in my abusers name you have exactly the same philosophy.should this be my prayer?god if its in your best intrest to remove this suffering ,please do ,BUT if it fullfills your purpose for me to suffer then thats what i want too. so my suffering is the price i pay for knowing god? not worth the cost to me .real servants dont try to use god for their purposes ,they let god use them for his purposes ,i will never serve anyone again as a slave not man or god.i love this one, god loves to use weak people ! huh sounds so much like what a perp does ,does it not? god wants to use you? nobody will ever use me again ,what i get from this book is, god commands obedeience,god commands that you surrender to him completly ,what you want does not matter its all about what he wants, he wants you heart soul mind and body.and unless you obey you will face eternal pain,dont question his methods or his reasons ,just blind obedeience, how is any of this different than what my abuser demanded of me ? and to top it all off the bible or whatever book you read is filled with threats! believe or burn !obey or be cast out,my abuser would demand unspeakable acts and use the same kind of threats to make me obey ,when i read things that say god is comming and boy is he pissed is that supposed to make me feel comfort?as a child i was not taught to love god i was taught to fear god and i sure learned quick not to depend on god for anything ,cause maybe i'm being tortured cause thats what god planned for me,?no i refuse to accept that. to me if my abuser had written down the rules that i had to live by ?well it would sound a whole lot like the bible to me. i know that many here take their faith very seriously and i hesitate to post about god for fear of offending someone ,but i am just not willing to believe that god intended me to be a slave to him or anyone else.i surrendered my life to a mad man ,i wont make that mistake again ,and if that means i will burn in hell at least i was a free man able to make my own choice.i didnt just follow along blindly while somebody lead me off the edge of a cliff. and i didnt spend a lifetime waiting for something that didnt exist to come and save me ,i cant afford to give what religion demands for god to use me for his purpose. any god that i want to worship will not ask for anything as payment ,salvation should be free ,no strings attached,god should love me for who i am ,not for what i can do for him ,i was not put here to serve anyone or for anyones pleasure. sorry if this is out of place ,but does anyone else see how similar the two things are ,being god ?well anyone who holds the power of life or death over you becomes god. and the biggest trap i fell into was believing that god could take me at anytime,i was just a kid hell if he didnt take my abuser he aint taking me thats for sure,i didnt stop believing in god i just stopped being afraid of him long enough to ask questions ,but the answers seem very generic they can fit a god or an abuser just as eaisly. i dont fear god anymore cause as everyone says he wont do anything anyway.thats not his way right? shadow

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#78516 - 07/19/06 10:55 PM Re: A Shaken Faith *triggers*
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
shadow, you dont have to believe in God, and I am open if you want to say God is there to provide us with a shield against abuse, he can't, its impossible, and if he could, he would stop every kid being killed or abused right now.

This place would not be here, but guess what!
We pretty much hit the sewer of life when abuse hits us head on.

You talk about God, but you have part of his soul within you, and you show it by making those kids lives so good.

God never wanted Adam to be abused, ppl did, and they chose their own free will to do that.
I have seen evil, the same as you, maybe not so horrific, but take a step back.

Take a step back to who you really are. The letter is playing on yr mind, so I and others tell you to put the letter behind you, because it is not you, it is your abusers mind.

The main thing to think here is that you are not in any way part of the abuse, none of it was yr fault, and I know just how hard that can be sometimes.

My unconscious mind works the same, like I am not real and dont deserve to be here, over and over again, and sometimes it really hurts to think that I blame myself for being abused!

The only one to suffer abuse is the victim, not the perpetrator, and that is how they work, to shift the blame onto you, because they know you are already hurt.

Yeah, we were only vulnerable kids then, but that is what they want, they just hurt the most vulnerable,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#78517 - 07/20/06 11:28 PM Re: A Shaken Faith *triggers*
jesse7 Offline
Member

Registered: 04/26/06
Posts: 105
Loc: AZ
Adam I agree with you 100%. What difference is there between the celestial dictator that threatens us with eternal pain, and Saddam Hussein who said Iraq had free elections but anyone who didn't vote for him was killed? To me, the fear of God is the beginning of suffering not wisdom.

I've long since thrown out my ideas and concepts of God. Ask anyone you want nobody agrees on anything. This guy says it is this, this guy says it is that--there are as many interpretations as there are people. Many of them are just subtle forms of conditioning and control. Do this, don't do that, if you do this then you will be punished, etc...

All I know is that I'm suffering, afraid, and have to deal with psychological issues. I don't want to know about commandments,>
_________________________
What lies before us and what lies behind us is nothing compared to what lies within us

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#78518 - 07/21/06 06:40 AM Re: A Shaken Faith *triggers*
TexasCowboy Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 05/27/06
Posts: 22
Loc: Houston, TX
Darrel,
It's not that God has failed you, people have. Judeo/Christian/Islamic religions have one major commonality beyond believing in the same
Diety, and the first books of the Old Testament appear in all three's religious texts. That commonality is that they are patriarcial. We are taught in Christianity of the Trinity as being God, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, when almost 40% of the time in the Old Testament God is refgerred to in the feminine gender. It might help to get the benevolent, patriarchal, if not mysoginstic idea of God as being male, and referring to your higher power as God, the Creator and Christ the Redeemer, if you follow the Christian path. Above all, keep in mind that in most faiths that practice World life Negation, World Life Affirmation, the Higher Power is loving towards all and does so unconditionally, unlike an abusive father, and a perp who raped you. Most of all, you are in my thoughts and meditations to my Spirit Creator

_________________________
The strongest hearts are sometimes broken,
As the deepest thoughts arent always soken,
and the greatest wounds we hide inside ourselves where they never show

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#78519 - 07/21/06 01:22 PM Re: A Shaken Faith *triggers*
phoster Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/21/03
Posts: 758
Loc: ohio
actually the most common term used in the old books when referring to God is Elohiym. if we translated it litterly it would read gods, plural. you can look at this two ways, the first being that it is plural to encompass all of God's various roles, but the accepted meaning is that is refers to God and the angels. also the oldest book in the bible is actually Job. it was written 1800-1700BC.

again, i ask why are we here? we are here to be tested, to see if we will love God or not. the troubles here, both brought on by nature and man, and those brought on by Satan are to test us. if we were never tested, how would God judge who would love him through thick and thin? when the rudiments are burned away at the end of this age, only those things that are under God's protection will remain. those that remain will live with us forever. we dont want another failure like Satan's. God wants to know who will serve Him no matter what. Look at Job. he lost everything, and was sticken awful with painful sores. yet, though he waivered some, he never failed God. Now God knows He can count on Job to love Him no matter what comes. that is what we are here for, to weed out those that do not love our Lord with all that they have.

_________________________
compassion is a light even to the darkest soul

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