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#78357 - 05/08/06 08:15 PM Re: Say a prayer or time to spare
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Adam, shadow got you through with the help of God, he is here right now.

Ever read this!


One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.


Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.


When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.


He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.


He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.


This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:


"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.

I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:

"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

Makes sense to me,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#78358 - 05/09/06 02:30 AM Re: Say a prayer or time to spare
Nobbynobs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/05
Posts: 1286
Loc: Toronto
Classic

“Have no fear of moving into the unknown. Simply step out fearlessly knowing that I am with you, therefore no harm can befall you; all is very, very well. Do this in complete faith and confidence.”

Pope Jean-Paul II

_________________________
When you go up to the bell, ring it! Or don't go up to the bell.

- Mel Brooks

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#78359 - 05/09/06 04:52 PM Re: Say a prayer or time to spare
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#78360 - 05/09/06 05:01 PM Re: Say a prayer or time to spare
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Adam,

Just to refer to my own experience if I may: I used to ask myself a lot, where's God if he's into protecting kids? Why do the others get protected and not me?

Part of the answer is that we never know what others are suffering. They may have their own private hell as well.

But what really helped me was realizing - later on, to be sure - that God had been there after all. When I was being raped or forced to do unspeakable things by the abuser I would dissociate and "go" to a corner in the ceiling and curl up there. I felt safe there, like it wasn't happening to me anymore, like I was being helped to keep my eyes shut and not look any more than I had to.

I now think that I was in God's arms, and that He was holding me and helping me get through this - just one more day.

I remember you talking about being in your closet and feeling safe there. Why would an 11-year-old boy feel safe locked in a closet?

Just some thoughts. But as I said, I am not trying to convince you. You will have to find your own peace over these issues, and I am sure you will have the strength to do that, in a way that answers YOUR questions.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#78361 - 05/09/06 05:43 PM Re: Say a prayer or time to spare
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
please let me say that i know you are all trying to help me understand ,and it feels like i am just wanting to argue this god thing but i do not want to .i know that my brothers here are not preaching at me but helping me ,its just that it seems everyone is content to believe that god knew and felt bad but couldnt stop it . does that really make you feel any better? i have seen and read the footprints in the sand and it is a cool way to look at it ,i also see footprints in the sand one set walking in one direction and another walking in the other direction ,they look much the same untill you see the drag marks behind one set ,i see god walking away as my abuser drags me away down the beach .shadow

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#78362 - 05/09/06 06:31 PM Re: Say a prayer or time to spare
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Adam,

I know you feel that way and it tears me up every time I recall your photo and then remember what was done to you. I would never deny you the right to your rage. In fact, I would insist that you have to OWN your rage and work through it. But the key here is that somehow, and in your own way, you have to get past the anger bro.

You ask a key question:

Quote:
its just that it seems everyone is content to believe that god knew and felt bad but couldnt stop it . does that really make you feel any better?
Yes, as a matter of fact it does. Personally, I don't know what God can and cannot do. What I DO know is that he doesn't interfere to save us in the way we want. That much seems clear from - for example - picking up almost any newspaper any day of the week.

So how does this stark reality help me? It helps me by showing me that my answers don't lie in my past ("Why didn't God help me?"), but in my present ("How can He help me now?). I am not that defenseless 11-year-old any longer. I am an adult and my recovery is up to me - no one else can "do it" for me.

So if that's the case, what does God have to do with my recovery? My rabbi friend put it to me beautifully: "Humanity is God's language", by which he means that when we cry out in our agony God sends us people. He has certainly sent me many people, and at times when I did not recognize He was doing so. He sent me my sister, coming home earlier than expected, when I was in the kitchen with my eyes squeezed shut and the knife already on my wrist. That same sister, decades later, when I told her I had been molested as a kid, went off and went into therapy herself, just so she would know what I was going through and could help me in the best possible way. I have had friends gather around me and support me, and the help and support I have gained from my brothers here I will never be able to repay. I am sure that as I continue to heal I will encounter other people who will also help me in important ways. Yes, there have been idiots and toxic people in my life, but I have learned how to shut them out and keep them from hurting me any longer. AND...I don't let their existence blind me to the presence of the many good people who are there for me.

I know you will say that so many have already betrayed you, including those who should have loved you most. That's true, and I know that hurts. I feel for your grief - you deserved a lot better and no one can tell you differently. But you have so much strength and I know you will get past the anger - not by saying okay it doesn't matter, but by seeing that one can rage forever and nothing will have changed.

What I am telling you is how things worked out for me. I didn't plan it this way; I didn't even see it coming. All I know is that this was my way. It has taken me beyond the anger, confusion, fear and shame and allowed me to focus on my qualities, abilities and all the other positive things about myself, and it has allowed me to recognize true fellowship, love and kindness when it comes my way. It helps me to recognize the good people. It allows me to begin to trust myself again and believe that I CAN recover the life that should have been mine from the beginning.

I can't rewind to 1960 and age 11; that is gone, and yes, it hurts. But I think I have a lot of good years in me yet to come, and that's what I have to focus on. There is the real me.

And the real you. You are so young, and it's great you are grasping these issues and dealing with them now. You are finding your own way just as I found mine. In fact you are doing it right now. Your way may be very different from mine. It should be; we are different people and you are so much younger. But it will be your way, and it will get you through. Of that I am confident.

Much love Adam,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#78363 - 05/09/06 09:30 PM Re: Say a prayer or time to spare
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Adam,

nobody is preaching to you or anybody, but we do care about you.

God was there at your hospital bed when you were in despair, but did he bring all those good ppl to be with you, who knows!

Maybe that of my prayers and others help ppl like you get through the darkest moments in your life, I dont know.

It is the true meaning of the butterfly effect, where we all have a part in each others understanding of our lives.

If I walk out of my door and sneer on ppl, they may sneer at another, if I smile and say hello, it makes a person that much more likely to say hello to the next person he meets.

It is about good vs bad in the world, if we let bad win, we all lose, but paying things forward brings joy that is spread on and on.

If you look at this post, and it is pretty much a long epic, but a good read.

It shows how society is twisted, but we need not be part of it, we can care and show compassion to others.

Evil spreads evil, evil begets evil.
The first statement is only for those who choose.
The latter has no choice.

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#78364 - 05/10/06 09:24 AM Re: Say a prayer or time to spare
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
Adam,
Tonight say a pray to your self and ask ‘it’ to heal you, for while feel its presence in you.

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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#78365 - 05/10/06 09:29 AM Re: Say a prayer or time to spare
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
...believe me that is the only 'God' you'll ever need to pray to.

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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#78366 - 05/10/06 09:37 AM Re: Say a prayer or time to spare
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
Over time you will be able to surrender all your troubles, pain and turmoil to 'it' and be thankful for its presence in your life.

One thing dont ever get carried away by the notion of an external God, it is not only futile but also time consuming!

And when you find what’s within, you would know why fighting with what’s on the outside doesn’t help, because what you are really fighting is what lies on the inside – You!

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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