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#78165 - 01/07/06 04:40 AM The Real Me
Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1314
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
I saw the real me.

Today was my day off, and this morning after my wife left for work, I got into the shower and sang for a bit. Sounded pretty good too. Then I thought about all the crap in my life, abuse and all. That made me mad so I yelled at God a little bit, ok I yelled a lot. That felt pretty good too. Then I felt bad for yelling at God and I felt sad for me having to live in this hellhole of a world. Having a good pity party is what I was doing. There I was crying out loud, and telling God just exactly how things were and how bad I had it.

By this time I was drying myself off and was well into my rant. My little Chihuahua dog Elaina was running for cover. Then I saw him. My rant stopped. There he was in the mirror, a boy of twelve years, no gray hair or wrinkles. He looked into my eyes and I into his. I threw my arms open to embrace him in a bear hug and BAM, cold hard glass.

I fell to the floor, crying like a baby. Why God? Why? Elaina came and licked my tears. As I held her close and cried into her fur, I heard an almost audible voice, like God answering me saying, “What you saw in the mirror is what I see every time I look at you.”

I love me!

_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

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#78166 - 01/07/06 12:31 PM Re: The Real Me
Dewey Offline
Member

Registered: 11/13/02
Posts: 137
Loc: the sunshine state
Wow. How visual
I was reading something recently about the power in "crying out to God". It said that that's what really moves God.I had to agree because it seems like that's when I've had most of my breakthroughs. Although usually the junk is just swirling around in my head like some turd that won't flush! Gray hair and wrinkles on a twelve year old. I can certainly relate. My bald spot is becoming more like a hair spot. But the kid remains. I think I hate him though. I had this dream the other night about me killing this puppy. I was killing this poor thing with everything I could, shot it, stomped it, strangled it. But it wouldn't die. I mentioned it to a gal at work. She asked "what did the puppy do wrong?, it must have done something". I said no, it was just a puppy, it was innocent. What was kinda cool among this whole morbid dream was the "life" thing. I was not the author of life and could not erase it, even if I had completly obliterated the body, that wouldn't have mattered much. The "life" was separate from the body. The spirit I guess, sorry for the ramble. Dan

_________________________
I refuse to use my past as an excuse to not have a future.
My hero Dad; Trigger warning- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oi3Hyxuf5AE

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#78167 - 01/09/06 07:01 AM Re: The Real Me
newo Offline
Member

Registered: 01/09/06
Posts: 55
Loc: CA, USA
Derdlecar
We all have a little boy in the mirror don't we. I'm glad you got to see him and cry with him and for him. Healing comes in many places...even on the floor.

OKW

_________________________
Live Well, Laugh Often, Love Much
"Religion is for those afraid of going to hell. Spirituality is for those who have already lived through it."

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#78168 - 01/13/06 09:36 PM Re: The Real Me
Bobby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
Of course, I cried. You knew I would...Bobby

_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.




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#78169 - 01/13/06 10:09 PM Re: The Real Me
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Derdlecar,

God can take the shouting; don't feel bad for turning to him with your complaints. Many have done that in the past and many more will do the same in years to come.

That's cool you encountered the little guy. Both he and God are with you my friend. Sounds like a good team to me. ;\)

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#78170 - 05/12/06 10:52 PM Re: The Real Me
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Darrel,

Love Ya!

Love Y'All!,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#78171 - 05/15/06 03:59 AM Re: The Real Me
Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1314
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
Thanks ste, I needed to hear that.

Love ya

Darrel

_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

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#78172 - 05/21/06 10:05 PM Re: The Real Me
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Darrel,

any time friend \:\)

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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