This little boy screaming and scared.
He scurries away from your presence. Why?
Because you are a man, any man but not all men.
The biggest fear in my life was to grow up and do the things that my abusers did, but I was a little boy who thought that this was his path in life.
I cried a flood of tears in church when I stood in front of the mosaic of Our Lady, showering shards of fire on the wicked, and to me, who was the wicked little boy, it was hard.
My guilt surfaced long ago when I blamed myself for it happening and how I was too scared to tell the cops just how bad it really was.
I just guessed that the cops did not take it that serious at the time.
I felt so guilty not having him caught, and somehow blaming myself for what happened.
I only found officially that it was not reported recently which brought back a whole load of guilt that I forgot about.
There was the guilt of not protecting my family, as he said he would kill them, not protecting other kids from a maniac roaming around.
To a kid like I was then, these threats would have been so real, but nobody talked me through them, so I was lost in confusion.
I go back to that traumatic kid, and he cowers so much some days, and all he ever knew then, was that few people really knew him, but those who did got a good friend I suppose.
He was the little boy who tried so hard to just be a boy in a World tossed between miracles and nightmares.
I just feel like the invisible boy, who nobody wants to know unless he lets you in, and he craves affection but never know how to relate the right signals without sex getting in the way.
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!