I realized that I had been angry with God for allowing my SA. I have come to terms with it, and I know it was not God let it happen, He has just protected me enough for me to finally begin healing. I love God, and I am thankful he has not given up on me!

I would say AMEN to that one!

God blessed me with a recent realization a couple weeks ago. It was a gift, because the results have been good.

FT

Bless you,
I'm still in an argument with mine, but I will rejoice with you both.

Hey guys,

I can relate to this one. I've spent so much time being angry with God over all of this. I think I've been able to move beyond that now. At least I haven't thought about it in a long while.

I think a big part of the battle was in admitting I had the anger in the first place. I spoke out about it one day when we were having our "worship" time with the men's chorus I sing in. The guys were very understanding, some of them even echoing my thoughts. We discussed it for a while. No one got offended or judgemental over it. That, I think, helped me a lot to place perspective on the issue.

I think it is a common human condition to have that anger toward God. And you know what? I think he welcomes our questioning minds. How else are we supposed to integrate his truth with what happened to us?

Just the way I feel about it,

Courage my friends,

John

I have fought this fight since I started to come out of denial. I am a practical and largely secular person in many ways, but life isn't all about those things and I feel I am a devout Christian as well. I don't feel I belong in a church yet, and I know that isn't right, but it's how I feel.

Part of how I feel comes from my abuser, who was an elder in our church (Protestant) and enormously respected. I knew no one would believe me if I told, and of course he helped me along that road. He also told me if I said anything against him, he would just deny it, I would be discovered for the dirty boy I was, and the Session would vote and send me to hell. That terrified me: I thought I was already in hell.

Recently I have started to come to terms with all this. I think about all the blessings in my life and how others are so much worse off than me. I have so much to be thankful for.

God is not the creator of CSA - all those things were the doing of evil people. And for me God is not even the creator of evil. Evil is a lack of goodness, nothing more, in the same way that the dark is just an absence of light. It is the perp who chose to do evil, hurt me, and reject the options for goodness that were always available to him; God didn't set me up or abandon me.

I would not wish all this on anyone, but I can also say that my life is richer because of the things I have learned and the people I have met as a survivor.

I like the way John ends his post: "courage my friends".

Much love,
Larry

Amen to that, Larry.

This is outrageous. Do you believe God could have stopped the abuse?

I hope God couldn't have stopped the abuse. If he could have than he's the greatest moral monster the human race will ever face.

God is powerless. God can do almost nothing. That is why God is lovable.

Defiance,

I like your last three closing sentences. According to Tibetan Buddhism, the Buddha is all-knowing and all-compassionate, but not all-powerful.

I've always had trouble understanding the concept of an all-powerful God allowing such suffering on earth (this is a matter of personal opinion and not a criticism of anyone's religious beliefs). I never tied it to my own SA, but your post made the connection for me.

Thank you.

AuthenticMe

I'm a Catholic but I've been looking into a bit of Buddhism recently. A good religion - bright, lucid, and sober. I'm happy to pull in a bit of Gautama's wisdom.

In my view of things, speaking as a Catholic, Jesus is the emblem of God: on a cross, powerless, and yet in utter solidarity with all who suffer.

Up there on my Cross

One day, when I looked sad and pale
Jesus came to me.

“Why do you carry
all this pain?”
He asked me.

Lord, I too have suffered
just like you.
I too have hung
up there on my cross.

Jesus said to me,
“But I didn’t feel the pain
at all, for
it wasn’t me
who went up
the cross!
It was my Lord
who hung
instead of me.”