Newest Members
lilac, The Wife Of, smusab, whiteflag, North101
12287 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
cards (33), korbin2003 (39), Rosemary (53), Zebra (47)
Who's Online
6 registered (Jay1946, Bluedogone, 4 invisible), 22 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12287 Members
73 Forums
63214 Topics
442022 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 4 of 6 < 1 2 3 4 5 6 >
Topic Options
#77914 - 10/24/05 01:27 PM Re: Buddhism Anyone?
Sinking Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/26/03
Posts: 577
Loc: Took my ball and went home.
Quote:
I don't think the behaviours espoused are that different than those of Christianity
.

Andrew - I agree. I think Buddha and Christ were both great teachers who taught great and very similar lessons. The world would, no doubt, be a better place if we could all live by those lessons. For instance, I stopped giving the finger to drivers that piss me off. Hey, it's a start..... \:D


Top
#77915 - 10/25/05 02:05 PM Re: Buddhism Anyone?
The Seeker Offline
Member

Registered: 04/10/05
Posts: 141
Loc: Ohio, USA
John,

You are so right. On the road to enlightment, nobody should give anyone else the finger. Words to live by.

John

_________________________
The answers are in me.

Top
#77916 - 10/25/05 03:44 PM Re: Buddhism Anyone?
ftgf Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/18/05
Posts: 49
Loc: USA
That's the early leader for quote of the week.

Jeff

_________________________
Fight the Good Fight!

Top
#77917 - 10/25/05 06:37 PM Re: Buddhism Anyone?
Sinking Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/26/03
Posts: 577
Loc: Took my ball and went home.
Kind of puts a simple spin on a practice that can seem so daunting and complicated, eh?


Top
#77918 - 10/27/05 03:50 AM Re: Buddhism Anyone?
Michael Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/05/04
Posts: 92
Loc: Claremore, Oklahoma
Haven't written in a while, but shit happens. God is revealed and acts in strange mysterious ways. Buddha saw this but it took years of being nothing to see the something in all the nothingness and to become one had to dissolve.

What happened to us is a consequence of ours or others actions. I think the hardest part is that I realize (now)I had the power within to stop it at any time I wanted, but I did not have the strength. That is my struggle.

We all have the power to say NO. It is so simple, but so complex and hard. I have to reinforce that many times.

This is the lesson I have to learn this time on the path.

_________________________
"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." - Will Rogers

Top
#77919 - 10/27/05 12:45 PM Re: Buddhism Anyone?
Sinking Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/26/03
Posts: 577
Loc: Took my ball and went home.
TRIGGER WARNING!!!
Michael - What happened to me was in no way the consequence of my actions. I was beaten and otherwise treated poorly by my parents because they were lacking the ability to deal with their own problems. No child deserves to have his father on top of him, punching him and slamming his head on the floor at the age of 5 or 6, or any age for that matter. I refuse to take any blame for that. I also refuse to take any blame for the swim coach, a former Marine, raping me at age 9 and continuing his assaults for nearly a year. How could these things have been my fault?

I did not have the power to say NO. It was not simple, the option was not there. And then the swim coach told me that if I ever told anyone, he would kill my parents and then kill me. So I protected my parents' lives, the same people who probably beat the shit out me that very same night.

It's taken me a long time to rid myself of the blame and shame that I've lived with for so long, and I'm still not 100% there. And that is the lesson I have to learn on this path.

I don't know what circumstances you were under at the time of your abuse, but I flatly refuse to take responsibility for the terrible things adults did to me when I was a child. Peace - John


Top
#77920 - 10/30/05 04:58 AM Re: Buddhism Anyone?
subdeacon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/12/04
Posts: 83
Loc: Florida
I gotta agree with John on this one. I was 6 when my abuse started and I doubt I had the understanding of what was happening to say no. I was sworn to secrecy by my perp....my brother.

But also.....it can happen when we're "adults" too!

**TRIGGER**

When I was 19 I said no to a woman I was with...it didn't matter. She was older than I was. I had no experience to speak of with women...and she just got me drunk, took my clothes off after a party, and then asked "do you want to do this?" I said no. She ignored me went at it anyway... and I just completlely left my body. Strangest experience! I completely dissociated as if I were next to myself. Now to most people in the world this would have been a cool experience for a 19 year old freshman kid to be seduced by a 24 year old grad student. It wasn't. I tried to convince myself it was but it was scary for me and I felt sooooo guilty. Saying no meant nothing to this woman. I later found out that she was fired from a high school teaching position for seducing her students. I fit her mode of operation.

That experience is nothing nearly as bad as others have had here, I'm almost embarrassed to complain about it. I don't "rank" it as high as my CSA, which was much worse and much more manipulative. It is more an echo of the effects of the CSA. I couldn't then stand up for myself and let myself get used against my will. I suppose it was a date rape by the classic definition. Maybe if I'd been in my body at the time I'd have been able to do something bolder. But it was what it was and I reacted in my old ways of protecting myself. Sometimes you have to realize that when you don't have the strength to do something...then you didn't really have the power to do something. You can't project backwards in time what you know now. It seems obvious. I didn't have the strength of will to resist when I was 6-9 years old. I didn't have the strength to resist when I was 19. I had to "exercise" to gain that strength. It took a while. I still have to keep exercising, too, to keep up my strength! God grant us all the strength to keep up the good fight.

Blessings on all,
Philip

(by the way I got a 100 on one exam and a 95 on the other...still working on a paper feverishly..had to take a break).

_________________________
"By way of trials and sufferings we must purify the divine image in us...for it is by reforging our senses in the furnace of our trials that we free them from defilement and assume our royal dignity. --Abba Philimon

Top
#77921 - 10/30/05 02:03 PM Re: Buddhism Anyone?
Sinking Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/26/03
Posts: 577
Loc: Took my ball and went home.
Quote:
(by the way I got a 100 on one exam and a 95 on the other...still working on a paper feverishly..had to take a break).
Nice work Phillip, keep it up. I enjoyed hearing this almost as much as I enjoyed the opening sentence to this most recent post of yours. ;\)


Top
#77922 - 11/07/05 06:15 PM Re: Buddhism Anyone?
Mystic Rhythm Offline
Member

Registered: 08/12/05
Posts: 96
Loc: Limbo, clawing my way out...
***TRIGGERS***

I too was sexually victimized by my former best friend when I was 19 (she was 20). I never saw it coming largely due to the fact that 1) She was my best friend and knew far more about sex than I did (which was nothing), and 2) I trusted her, and she turned that trust against me and forced herself on me.

It's taken quite a while - 12 years - to free myself of the burden of shame and guilt and put it where it belongs: on her. And I for one shall forever refuse to believe in a loving and just God (I use the term generically). At age 13, my grandmother was a staunch (blind?) believer in God and Jesus, and my mom, my brother and myself had to live with her seeing as my mom and dad were getting a divorce. We lived in my grandparents' home for 5 months, and I was forced (by physical force) by my grandmother to attend church every Sunday against my supposed free will. Well I remember the one day in July when I flatly refused and stayed in bed. She kicked me several times in the ribs in a fit of crying rage to get my ass up and go to church to believe in God and Jesus, yadda yadda yadda. She failed miserably to "kick me to church" and instead "kicked Christianity" out of me. For a 13 year old to no longer firmly believe there is no God and that religion is nothing but a veil over everyones' eyes was nothing short of an epiphany for me. Previously, forced to go to church and forced to study christianity in school always felt wrong. For the first time, and ever since then, to no longer believe in God and Jesus has felt right.

I don't know anything about Buddhism save what I've seen on TV, so I won't bother to comment on it. I've looked towards Wicca and Paganism and found solace there. To believe in nature and its mysterious forces that weave and bind all things together is a far greater comfort for me than fabricated religions.

And ye harm none
Do what ye will

Although other religions and spiritual beliefs tend to follow the same edict as the Wiccan Rede in their own ways, it just cannot be said simpler. And that's what I follow and believe and strive to do as best I can whenever I can. I've stopped a long time ago cluttering my head with all sorts of rules and regulations on how to get to heaven and avoid hell blah blah blah. It's one thing to search for one's truth, be it God, Allah or Buddha or even Gaia or whatever else works for you; and quite another thing to force this stuff onto others, denying them their own free will to choose what suits that person best.

I put the trigger warning there for a reason. I'm neither sorry if I offended Christians or Buddhists or any other religion. I firmly believe each person has their own path to take, where ever it leads them. Do I justify hurting others? NO. (Read the Rede one more time) I'm just sick and tired of religion being the excuse that others use to justify their ways of hurting and killing others, and more so to those who continue to blindly follow the few that abuse religion and twist it to suit their own ends.

We are ALL capabale of good and bad, and we are ALL capable of choosing one or the other - right down to the very core of our being. That is free will: the power to make a choice. Every situation, even our abuse, has at least two choices. And we tell ourselves we didn't have a choice, but in reality we did. The problem is that one of those choices would have led to consequences so dire and mayhaps lethal, that we chose the other choice - the lesser of two evils so to speak. Those consequences are sometimes unfathomable, especially when we are young children. Does it make right the fact that we were abused and we could have said no but did not? Fuck NO! But the choice was there nonetheless.

I made my choice which path I would walk, from my spiritual beliefs to my way of life to the work I do and the relationships I have, as have all of you. As for my abuse, I was too naive to know I had a choice, but it was there nonetheless, and I live with it. The only wisdom I can add to this thread is that you should follow the path that feels right to you and accept the choices made along that path. If your current path does not feel right to you, then make a choice and change it as best you can with what you have. Better yet, make a choice to learn more about a new path and follow it.

Hence, free will. Peace- \:\)

MR

_________________________
"Don't give up and lose the chance to return to innocence" - Enigma, Return to Innocence

Top
#77923 - 11/07/05 06:50 PM Re: Buddhism Anyone?
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
MR,

Thanks for this thoughtful and very personal post. I can't imagine a more negative way to learn about a religion that to have it kicked into you, as you say.

I just want to ask you about something else you said here:

Quote:
And we tell ourselves we didn't have a choice, but in reality we did. The problem is that one of those choices would have led to consequences so dire and mayhaps lethal, that we chose the other choice - the lesser of two evils so to speak. Those consequences are sometimes unfathomable, especially when we are young children. Does it make right the fact that we were abused and we could have said no but did not? Fuck NO! But the choice was there nonetheless.
To this you add the telling point that you were too naive to know you had a choice.

My query would be this: If a child doesn't know he has a choice, does he in fact have that choice? My own memory of my "first time" is clear, and I don't recall thinking in terms of choices, naive or otherwise. What I recall are feelings of confusion, embarrassment, not liking the hands on me, and mainly fear, all in a kind of terrible whirlwind. My reaction wasn't to choose anything, but rather to freeze and cry.

I of course honor your right to your view on this. I would just suggest that you are being too hard on yourself; you are judging how you reacted as a child in terms of what you know as an adult. I don't think I had a choice, and I don't feel you did either.

Just a thought.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
Page 4 of 6 < 1 2 3 4 5 6 >


Moderator:  ModTeam 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.