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#7740 - 08/30/03 08:25 AM of last weekend, probable trigger
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
I guess I think maybe to speak some of what bad thing happened last weekend. I have spent this last week trying to get my brain in position to deal of it more, and I do not know that happens. But I know that since being most stupid and letting this happen, I do make some good choices, so I do something right maybe? I just not tell of all details here, can not do of that.

Last saturday, I go out at sport bar in town to eat dinner and watch game, and just be out of home. And something happen that I do not realize, I find out when I go at hospital later that someone put something in my beer. I know I should not go out by self, and not be drinking anything, but I just have the one beer, and not think it be something bad.

There is period of time that I do not remember, and considering what probable happen, I am rather glad I think I don't. I wake up, literal wake up, somewhere I do not know, with two people I do not know. One person say something bad at me, and I am able to leave of there and walk home, was lost for a while. Was most afraid when I get home, they take my wallet, money, such as that, although somehow I have my car keys still with me. But friend, she talk some at me, and she convince me to have friend take me at hospital. I go there, they do exam of me, do test that find the drug that is used at me, and help me with what is hurting at that time, because i was real not feeling anything before that. And I talk at police, and do all the things that are to be done to deal of a situation as that.

I feel most stupid still, that I let this all happen. There is shame, as there is with what other things happened in past, and embarassment, and feeling stupid that what happen in past does not protect me of let this happen. And I spend Sunday afraid even to go from one room to another in my house, can not even take dog out, had friend do that for me. But managed to make myself go out and do what I had to Monday, and rest of the week. And pushed away of people, on computer and in real life, just was much alone this last week, because everything scare me then. Now, maybe my brain do better of it, and I feel I can talk at people more, without maybe be so much ashamed of it. But it still scare me, and again, I lose sleep, and the flashbacks and body memories that were starting to get less often, they come back again full.

Anyway, I guess that is me sharing of last weekend. I am hoping that to share it some will get it some out of my head, and I deal more of it. I do not know that help, but I try. Thank you.

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#7741 - 08/30/03 11:25 AM Re: of last weekend, probable trigger
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2259
Loc: Maryland USA
Leosha,

You are very brave to post this. And to go back to your life this week.

Some people did something to you, but they probably do it to other people sometimes. They probably chose you because you were alone. Sometime, they will get caught. When you talked to the police, you helped the police trying to catch them.

I'm glad you were able to post here. I hope you have a lot of time to talk with your friend. I hope you have a chance to be with your friend and relax.

Thanks for showing courage.

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#7742 - 08/30/03 08:18 PM Re: of last weekend, probable trigger
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Leosha, remember that once you had been drugged, you had little or no control of anything. It all depends on what you were given and how much.

It is my understanding that this is the way some guys get into a situation where they are sexually exploited in photos or video. Drugged people do things and can't remember that they did them.

Guilt and shame are not appropriate emotions here--you were a victim again. Anger and caution are feelings that can protect you in the future. You did everything right in that you talked to your friend, went to the hospital and talked to the police. You can be very proud of your reaction in doing these things. Congrtulations.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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#7743 - 08/30/03 10:30 PM Re: of last weekend, probable trigger
martin Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/08/03
Posts: 229
Loc: The Good Earth
Leosha,

You have gone through a very frightneing and traumatic experience. You've done all the right things to deal with it and protect yourself. Contacting your friend, seeking medical attention and reporting this incident to police were all the best things you could do.

Let the police do their jobs and continue to protect yourself. Keep yourself safe.

There are many people with twisted and selfish intent.

I think its a natural after experiencing such trauma to have feelings of foolishness and shame. But you did nothing wrong, this is not YOUR fault. The people who did this are to blame and will be held responsible!!! People with such selfish intent always get there own share of maltreatment visited back on theirselves.

Thank you for sharing your experience. You have been very brave to do so and continue to live bravely as a true survivor.

I hope you continue to see yourself as a survivor and keep on with your good work here and in the rest of your life.

Much peace and happiness my friend,

Aaron

_________________________
Its times like these we learn to live again,
Its times like these we give & give again,
Its times like these we learn to love again,
Its times like these time & time again.
-The Foo Fighters

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#7744 - 08/31/03 08:10 PM Re: of last weekend, probable trigger
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Leosha: Take no shame or guilt. It happened and you had no control of the situation. You did the right thing after and you have been really honest here by sharing. You trust us and that is so important for us all.

Leosha remember how strong you have become and carry that thought with you. Be proud of youself

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#7745 - 09/02/03 12:59 AM Re: of last weekend, probable trigger
jwh Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/18/01
Posts: 98
Loc: dallas, tx
Leosha,

Just want to second what Aaron and Mike said and emphasize that you have a right to be OUTRAGED. I am outraged just reading about it!

I agree they probably targeted you b/c you were alone but also probably because they were predators and they sensed that you had been victimized.

It is THEIR shame. And their CRIME. You were not "stupid" or any other negative thing, you were hurt, again. What they did to you was sickening, and I am sorry that they hurt you like that.

Jeff

_________________________
"I've been waiting for a guide to come and take me by the hand... Could these sensations make me feel the pleasures of a normal man?"--Ian Curtis, Joy Division

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