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#77232 - 07/26/04 01:06 PM Too ashamed to face God
FlyWM Offline
Member

Registered: 09/14/03
Posts: 322
Loc: Michigan
Reading Marc's post "Returning" really gave me a moment to think. It has been months since I have gone to church, it has been months since I have even talked to God, I am just too ashamed of what happened to me and of who I have become, I feel too dirty to be loved even by God. I feel almost scared to face God, because of my sins, and because of what was done to me. I just don't understand why this shame and dirty feeling has destroyed my relationship with God.

Before I started dealing with all this I could face God, I still felt a little uneasy about it because of who I am, but since dealing with all this I have been too scared and too ashamed to face God in any fashion. I have tried to at least pray a few times, but it is hard and feels almost forced.

I just feel so much shame and fear, I'm afraid I'm not even worthy of being loved by God, I just feel scared He will do the same as most people I have loved and will turn His back on me because of what has happened to me, and will not listen to my pleas because of how dirty I feel I am. I just don't feel worthy of being loved even by Him.

I just hope that sometime soon I can get through these feelings enough to face God and to speak to him again.

Peace,
scott

_________________________
Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible in not a declaration, it's a dare.

--Adidas

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#77233 - 07/26/04 01:14 PM Re: Too ashamed to face God
Aden Offline
Member

Registered: 07/05/04
Posts: 499
You don't have to learn to face God again. Be quiet. Listen. You were never alone.

It is here. Right now. And you know it!

Aden


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#77235 - 07/27/04 11:02 AM Re: Too ashamed to face God
theo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/28/03
Posts: 1117
there are two things that cross my mind. the first is the footsteps poem. the second is an allegory shared from the stories of judaism from a good friend in rabbininc training. the poem is well known and conveys a truth many religions fail to remember, those solitary footsteps was when we were carried, even in our anger, shame and rage. Holy Mystery never abandons, we do. yet , even in our darkest moments, the spark is still there. the allegory has this one woman who goes to a very wise rabbi and asks, in the midst of all that has befallen her, what it was she had a right to do in terms of G-d. he told her to come back later. after much searching and prayer, he finally told the woman that this is what we have a right to do, and raised his fist to the sky and shook it angrily, despondantly, and in plea, all at once. i know i nessed the story up just a little, but the point is valid. we have the right to express our whole range of emotions towards the holy, for was it not a gift from the creator? we think we must hold it in when faced with God, but that is the one place we are guarenteed to be able to express all the pain, confusion, rage, wonder, etc, without rebuke. expression of hurt, anger, rage, confusion, etc, is not the same as taking the name in vain, or similar. it is about expressing the very humanity that was the gift we were given. who else could better understand the confusion and the pain but the creator?

_________________________
journey well,
theo dewolfe

- It is gift, and gift will find its way
- I inherit through my choice. I build through my affirmation. It is through my freedom that I nurture, or fade into autonomy
- I was not given to serve life, but to embrace it

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#77236 - 07/27/04 04:41 PM Re: Too ashamed to face God
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Scott

God certainly sees you as one of his children, even if you think he let you down

Why should you feel so dirty, ashamed and sinful. God is with you everywhere you go, even if you do not go to church, he is there for you
always

Sometimes we can be blinded by only the hurt, but think of all the good things he has done

Peace

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#77237 - 07/27/04 05:43 PM Re: Too ashamed to face God
SeeingMe Offline
Member

Registered: 03/18/04
Posts: 60
Loc: USA
Scott - He is looking for you in all the simple thisngs in life, in the quiet moments. I am learning that he will never force Himself on us. What a model for us to follow! Take heart; he wants to be part of your life and hopes you;ll invite him in.

Take good care.

_________________________
Seeing Me

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#77238 - 07/27/04 06:26 PM Re: Too ashamed to face God
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Scott,

Ya, for me, Jesus has to be the most gracious person that I know. I mean, if we are to allow that he is the son of God, that he came as an intermediary, an ambassador, if you will, then we have all of the examples that we need to understand his presence and what he has in store for us.

Geez, I didn't mean for that to sound like the beginning of a sermon, but I guess that it does.

And I don't mean to offend our brothers of different faiths or understanding. It is just my understanding and how I've known God all of my life.

I don't think that I've ever said that before...how I've known God all of my life.

It is true, though. No matter where I have been, "what is it with that," I have not been far enough away to not know his presence in my life.

Is that what is meant, "there but for the grace of God, go I?" I don't think so. I think that what I mean is that even though I was taken down into some pretty dark valleys and thought that I would never come back...even in, or especially in, my adult life, I have not been far from God.

Am I sure or certain, now? That is a question that I wrestle with, daily; I probalby will, till the end of my days. But, I've come to believe, that for me, the struggle, is what keeps me in his family. That it is the constant questioning that makes me human and keeps me on my toes...am I really on my toes?...you know what I mean.

Scott, God will never let you down, he never has.
Why, then, has he allowed some of us to be so brutally treated by others?

Is it because of the free wills of the others and mine doesn't matter? I mean, after all, we were the most vulerable, we were children. How does God allow that to happen? I guess if he did prevent those things from happening we would still be in the garden.

So, who is God and why is he so hard to know?

For me, it was why we were given minds and feelings; minds to try and discover him, and feelings to try to know each other.
I know that you have a fine mind and you will know God on some level. And if you use your feelings, you will know others of us in varying degrees of knowledge and intimacy.

Peace, Scott, know that you are a blessing,

David

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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#77239 - 07/27/04 07:13 PM Re: Too ashamed to face God
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Scott

God knows no shame in you, he only sees the shame others have bestowed on you and us all

He has witnessed your pain and suffering and he cares that you be rid of the self destroying thoughts brought about, not by yourself, but by another

You are still his child, and he will, just as he always did look after you, even when you think he lets you down

I too asked him, why me, but got no direct reply, but don't forget "who" gave you the strength to get this far, who gives you the strength to endure what you went thru.

When all was lost and you went thru all the turmoil we all went thru, don't forget, he carried you thru the burdens life can ever throw at you, but he is always there, if he was not, then would I or others have the strength to carry on

Not me

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#77240 - 08/14/04 03:51 AM Re: Too ashamed to face God
parttimecop Offline
Member

Registered: 03/05/04
Posts: 139
God knows how damn dirty we are, and yet he loves us anyway. And the good part is we are in no manner worthy of love, yet God all powerful and knowing chooses to love us. The creator of the universe thought us worth pain and suffering. God values us so much, He sent his son to suffer and die for us.


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#77241 - 08/16/04 09:15 AM Re: Too ashamed to face God
FastForward Offline
Member

Registered: 08/10/04
Posts: 188
Loc: US
He'll find you when you want to be found.

_________________________
FastForward

L&P - always.

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#77242 - 08/17/04 03:52 PM Re: Too ashamed to face God
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Scott,

The sin is on those who hurt you, not you.

God never turns His back on the innocent. But be sure His judgment on those who make you feel this way will be terrible to behold.

His love with be with you always, if you allow it to be.

Peace and love,

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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