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#77189 - 07/20/04 08:57 PM Re: Nervous in Groups
Redsongbird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/01
Posts: 209
Well I was able to have a nice time at the reunion. I talked to some when it felt right and the other times I just hung out with my wife. Thanks for the advice. I thought well I have another year before I will go again. .....now my wife tells me they all want to have an EXTRA reunion the frist weekend in August! ha!
Tobey


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#77190 - 07/22/04 08:09 AM Re: Nervous in Groups
David1010 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 46
Loc: Philadelphia, PA
First, allow me to introduce myself. I am David.

I read this topic and found it to be very interesting. It's an eye opener to me, actually. I never associated the way I behave in groups with PTSD and the aftermath of abuse. I too feel the same anxiety and also prefer smaller groups. I scann people in lines and wherever I am in a crowded place. I avoid group activities and hate crowds.

In my case, I remember seeing my perps in a group setting acting "cool" and being the center of attention. Some of them had some positions of authority, so they loved to show their power. And I felt like I had to be there trying to be as invicible as possible, like it was my responsibility t cover the perp's actions.

Sometimes doesn't even have to be a group fro me to feel that disconfort. I sometimes feel extremely anxious when a third person approach me when I am talking to another person.

Anyway, I just wanted to give my two cents.


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#77191 - 08/03/04 03:41 PM Re: Nervous in Groups
Redsongbird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/01
Posts: 209
Hello David - nice to meet you. I can really understand what you said about talking to someone and then when a third person comes up it sort of unnerves. I feel that way also sometimes. I would not think I would be nervous in groups. When I am teaching I do not feel that way. Maybe when I am in charge of the group then it is different! I know I can be teaching in my room feeling fine and then after school when there is a "staff meeting" then I start to feel weird.

Tobey


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#77192 - 08/04/04 12:28 PM Re: Nervous in Groups
Aden Offline
Member

Registered: 07/05/04
Posts: 499
This all sounds a lot like me. I get really grumpy in a group where I feel no sense of control. concerts, ball games, subways...
But if I have some actual authority, I am fine.
Now and then I get that same creeped out feeling from individuals even when there is no croud around. I'm not sure where much of that reaction comes from. But some of it is definatly sexual tension and aversion to subtle signals.

Going to the theater would be a lot more fun if I could get over this one!

Aden


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#77193 - 08/11/04 12:17 PM Re: Nervous in Groups
whendoIcry? Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/02/04
Posts: 34
Loc: Metro Boston
This topic got a lot of hits...and I can see why...this is reasuring that I am not alone in dealing with this problem. I just had a terrible experience in a Target store last week...it was crowded and noisy...I felt like the people were all surrounding me...they all seemed bizzarre and distorted. One guy was talking on a walkie talkie thing and the sound of it made me want to scream. Lately, loud noises and sudden moves by people are enough to send me...I am re-examining my medication protocol as the class of meds that includes zoloft along with the wellbutrin may be making me too anxious. Anyway, I realize that chatting people up in line is one way I defend myself...but I am worried that all the people will get what I came looking for.

_________________________
I survive, one day at a time...knowing that I now can accept the things that cannot be changed, change the things I can and find the wisdom to know the difference.

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#77194 - 08/12/04 06:42 PM Re: Nervous in Groups
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Think it's always good to know you are in a group who know you, it is really weird when I am in a group and for some reason a group of males know someone from their workplace, I subconsciously think, what are their motives, it is a negative response, and one I try to deal with.

I think it is because a male abused me, and I don't fully trust men when I first meet them, I am wary of their motives, why do you like me? It is not me but the little boy inside, truth is we make many mistakes this way by not wanting to get to know these strange men who we meet for the first time, we think, why do you want to know me? It is all part of the hidden psyche we live with, and it can cost us.

If I point to a previous post unknown.

Somebody said, if you went out for a drink, you could drink all night with your mates and never get into the spirit of the night, because you are hypervigilant, you are always waiting for something to happen, you think if the alcohol knocks you off guard someone is going to take advantage of you, it is nonsense but it's an automatic response to the situation you are in.

It can cause a myriad of problems, I have got into some heated arguments because I can take friendship with males as being too personal, and friends put me right on the motives of the person involved who only wants friendship, then I think, why do I think this way???

I can only think it is a primaeval instinct in me, brought on by the past, suppose also I think I am the kid, I am vulnerable, so I retaliate to the perceived assault, I go back to the sorry state I was left to go thru, caused by a man, and sorry you're a man and mess with my boundaries and you get what I feel about men.

Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of great male friends, but maybe they get to know the boundaries, I still distrust men in my psyche, guess I always will, but I grew up with that and I will always live with the mind of an abused kid, but it does work, and most men respect the boundaries, it's just I wish I never had to use them.

Ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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