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#77048 - 02/14/04 07:41 AM I hate guilt
fhorns Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/10/02
Posts: 613
This morning I woke up, as is common, feeling guilty. There was no specific reason.....again.

I've blamed myself over everybody for ...whatever it was. The problem is that I don't remember anything that "I" did. I just feel wrong. I've thought it was God giving me the message for the longest time, and I bowed to it. I have begun to challenge it. But the guilt carries over into all my adult life. It's like I always have to pay for something.

I can't go on living with guilt the rest of my life. I can't feel what is God; not sure and doubting what is.


And it's like I don't like asking for help with the God thing. I always feel AGAIN LIKE I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!!!!!! I'M PISSED OFF ABOUT THIS.


Alfred


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#77049 - 02/16/04 12:45 AM Re: I hate guilt
let-it-go Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/15/04
Posts: 2
Loc: tn
"The problem is that I don't remember anything that "I" did."

Could it be that someone did something TO YOU and you are not willing to address the issue, due to the circumstances that will result?

_________________________
God Is, Has Been and Always Will Be

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#77050 - 02/16/04 01:15 AM Re: I hate guilt
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Alfred,

Maybe that's the point, you can't remember because YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.
I could discount my father on a number of levels, the main one, setting me up for what came later. But his phrase of, "always tell the truth because, then, you don't have anything to remember," has always been a guide for me.

And if the truth were to be told about about you, you can't remember because you didn't do anything to remember. But, you and me and a whole lot of others of us, are left with the guilt as if we had orchestrated the whole thing.

I've awakened with feelings like that, just waiting for some hedious judgement to come raining down on my head.
God, what guilt and shame they left us with.

Strength, courage and peace as you seek the solace of understanding the truth of the crime that was used against you.

David

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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#77051 - 02/16/04 03:35 AM Re: I hate guilt
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Hey Alfred - I struggled with those "phantom" feelings of guilt. I felt responsible for the darndest things...I felt guilty when it rained (I apologized) and when it snowed (I apologized) etc. What helped me was understanding a type of distorted thinking called "emotional reasoning". Because I felt guilty like I did something wrong, then I must have done something wrong therefore that's why I felt guilty. WRONG! My mother was BIGGGG on guilt and that's how I was raised...with guilt, to respond to guilt. That's how my mother kept her 'hooks' into me and I did things in response to her guilt. When she made me feel guilty as a kid, I knew I felt that way because as a kid I did something wrong. I didn't know what however. I was conditioned to respond to being made to feel guilty by assuming I did something wrong...but I didn't do anything wrong in reality. [Does this make sense?]. It took me quite a while to not respond to my emotions alone but had to get honest with my actions. After a while, I could recognize reality (the now) from past history (old reactions).

If this is confusing, PM me and I'll try to be more to the point!!

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#77052 - 03/23/04 08:25 PM Re: I hate guilt
SeeingMe Offline
Member

Registered: 03/18/04
Posts: 60
Loc: USA
There is the "good" guilt that keeps us on the right path and tells us when we do not follow it. Then there is the "bad" guilt that we picked up along the way before we knew any better. Learning the difference is the key but not easy to do. When guilt becomes the norm, how do we distinguish between the two?

Perhaps, trying to find the origin of those guilty feelings might lead to a greater understanding and peace. I read somewhere that "understanding transforms anger"; perhaps it will transform guilt as well.

Best wishes to you. If the guilt does not belong to you, give it back. \:\) I think it is returnable.

_________________________
Seeing Me

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#77053 - 03/25/04 09:48 AM Re: I hate guilt
Dale English Offline
Newsletter Founder/Producer
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/08/03
Posts: 448
Loc: PA
Hi Al,

Boy do I feel your anger and pain!! This was a sore subject for me too for a long time. Here's what worked for me....

I want you to solve this puzzle with the instructions I'm going to give you. I want you to know that it can be done. It's not a trick thing. OK. I'm going to draw a diagram and give you steps to follow.

X X X


X X X


X X X


Ok. Now put this diagram on a piece of paper and spread it out in the shape of a square. Then, 1) put your pen on one of the marks; 2) WITHOUT LIFTING YOUR PEN FROM THE PAPER, make four straight lines and connect all nine marks.

I'll put the solution into this thread tomorrow and share with you why it was helpful in my struggle to overcome the "guilt and God" thing.
This was the most helpful and profound thing I ever learned in college. I hope it will be one of the most helpful things you'll learn today.

Taz


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#77054 - 04/09/04 03:25 PM Re: I hate guilt
fhorns Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/10/02
Posts: 613
I feel shame. I have a new counsellor, and that was what she identified right off the bat. I knew it was true. So, true to my reactions, I went in search of a little more information about shame. What I found was so revealing!

Emotional incest
http://www.joy2meu.com/EmotionalIncest.html

I found this site through surfing the sites, and it really defined what I felt. I lost my masculinity, boyhood, and more, and Mom got her needs met. F**K!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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