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#76942 - 07/05/03 03:34 PM Godsrabbit
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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#76943 - 07/05/03 06:30 PM Re: Godsrabbit
godsrabbit Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 98
bless you james....thank you...


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#76944 - 07/05/03 08:18 PM Re: Godsrabbit
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
Godsrabbit,

I'm happy to see another post from you. I do hope you will be as active here as you can. I learn a lot from the things you share here.

Thanks,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#76945 - 07/05/03 08:28 PM Re: Godsrabbit
godsrabbit Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 98
thank you joe...it is specifically because of your kindness, among others, that i am trying to give this a chance...i appreciate your support and the kindness you show others...

you are a man of character and integrity...

~ rabbit


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#76946 - 07/05/03 08:32 PM Re: Godsrabbit
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
Thank you rabbit....I can use all the blessings I can get and will gladly take from anyone willing to give them. Just goes to show that the God part of your name fits your heart. Thank you for being here and thank your for all you do to make this a better place for all.
James

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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#76947 - 07/05/03 08:55 PM Re: Godsrabbit
godsrabbit Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 98
it is a good place james...like anything else in the world, it has its raw edges...but i am glad there are people like you here to help smooth over the rough stuff and keep hope instead of hate at the forefront...

i am sorry if you are struggling right now, and i will most certainly keep you in my prayers...


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#76948 - 07/05/03 09:38 PM Re: Godsrabbit
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
It is good to hear from you GR. This is a place where we hope people will feel better for having been here.

I think where we sometimes get off track is we talk about things that are not related to our having been sexually betrayed and violated. The more we stick to those issues the better it seems to be.

Also, our mission is to advocate for male survivors and the safety of boys. Sometimes we barely mention that.

It is good to have those among us who are by nature gentle. But, they can get feeling less safe when guys like me get fiesty. Enjoy it here GR. We are glad you chose to come and post here again.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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#76949 - 07/05/03 10:05 PM Re: Godsrabbit
godsrabbit Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 98
bless you bob...

i am just going to watch and keep my mouth shut for a while...i would rather listen than talk anyway...and when i feel safe, i will try to give what i can...

~ rabbit


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#76950 - 07/05/03 11:49 PM Re: Godsrabbit
jwh Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/18/01
Posts: 98
Loc: dallas, tx
Godsrabbit,

I really value your input and I am glad you decided not to leave. Your trust in God, while I may not agree with the particulars of it, is inspiring to me, as I am also working with trusting God.

I am struggling right now with my image of God as a child which I know was perverted for me largely because my parents did not show me the love, care, and protection I needed and because my perpetrator sexually abused me. I tied in all of the feelings I had about being abused and neglected with the rather cold image of God that my particular church offered me.

For many years I railed and raged against God, really just railing against an image of a cold, abusive, authority figure just waiting to betray and torture me.

I have recently (thank God, literally) been waking up to the reality that that image of God is not God. It is actually a terrible idol I have paid far too much attention too. In hating it I stayed bonded to it and, with my abuse issues prominent in my heart and mind, stayed cold and alone, believing that, ultimately, I was alone and that God hated me.

I know, now, that this was not true, and also that it was not God that betrayed me. It was my parents, through their human frailty and their own unmet needs, and my perpetrator who betrayed me. The church didn't help me then, either, but the church is also NOT GOD. The church I grew up with did not tell me that God is unconditionally loving. That doesn't mean that God approves of anything sick things that people do, but rather, like good parents, still loves them when they do these things and still reaches out to them, not abandoning them as perpetrators do.

I am now renewing my relationship with God, finally. And hearing people such as yourself express how their relationship with God helps them helps me to find courage to continue praying, admitting my powerless over my addiction, and, most importantly, trusting God.

You are a great brother in recovery.

Jeff

_________________________
"I've been waiting for a guide to come and take me by the hand... Could these sensations make me feel the pleasures of a normal man?"--Ian Curtis, Joy Division

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#76951 - 07/06/03 12:00 AM Re: Godsrabbit
godsrabbit Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 98
jeff,

thank you for such a beautiful post, and bless you for seeking God and growing in your trust...that is an immense thing...

i think it is true for so many people that the imprint of our parents becomes our impression of God...and once that happens, it is very difficult to undo the negative impact...

one of the things i found helps me most in this area is to write down all the things i know about what God is like: loving, caring, encouraging, forgiving, merciful...and whenever i am challenged with a negative feeling or depiction, i remind myself that the criticism and condemnation i am hearing in my head is not God: is it (insert my father, my abuser, whomever)...it helps to pull back a little and say: that is what i am feeling or hearing, but what would God actually say to me in this situation? would he be discouraging and angry? no...he would hold me gently and give me the strength to keep moving forward...all i need do is accept it from him....

you have a very sensitive and loving approach to coping with the things you struggle with...i admire that immensely...you are a giving person, even to yourself in allowing yourself to explore your spirituality in spite of challenges...(sometimes giving to the self is the hardest thing...we all need to learn to love ourselves more)...that you do is very encouraging...bless you...


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#76952 - 07/06/03 12:08 AM Re: Godsrabbit
jwh Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/18/01
Posts: 98
Loc: dallas, tx
Godsrabbit,

Thank you, thank you--your reply was as helpful to me as I hope my message was to you. I am actually going to print it out and save it to refer to. That's a wonderful idea about stopping and thinking "is that what God would say to me?"

Your brother in recovery,

Jeff

_________________________
"I've been waiting for a guide to come and take me by the hand... Could these sensations make me feel the pleasures of a normal man?"--Ian Curtis, Joy Division

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#76953 - 07/06/03 12:27 AM Re: Godsrabbit
godsrabbit Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 98
jeff,

yes, thank you...very much...

i was fortunate enough that my own father was a very gentle and generous man...my mother was inconsistent at best, psychotic at worst, and so i have a great deal of trouble with self-doubt, self-esteem, boundary and control issues...and built into all of that is a constant nagging self-criticism for which i am constantly having to remind myself that God loves me and nothing else matters...

...and if God loves me and thinks i am worthy of being loved, who am i to argue with him...ha...

thank you again...

~ rabbit


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#76954 - 07/06/03 12:47 AM Re: Godsrabbit
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
James, thanks for starting such a beautiful affirming post about a fellow survivor. What an example for us to follow!

Rabbit, you deserve it! LYLAB

The rest of you, thanks for contributing to an uplifting thread.

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#76955 - 07/06/03 12:48 AM Re: Godsrabbit
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
Rabbit,
This thread has really turned into something good. I just wanted to share my thoughts on God. For years I thought God turned his back on me. Oh the nights I prayed for him to make my step father stop. Through time and healing I've seen now that God didnt turn his back on me I turned mine on him, he was always right there with me. I lived, I survived, I'm here. I still have problems with the God issues in my life and I envey those who seem to have it figured out. But, I dont hate those who have a good realationship with God just becaues mine isnt where I want it to be. It's not God's fault thats it's not what I want it to be, it's mine. He sends me everything I need....like you rabbit.....kind of like the joke about the man who's house was in danger of being distroyed by the flod and he kept saying Im not leaveing God will protect me.....a suv came and he said no, a boat came by he said no, a helecopper came by and he said no....well he drowned....when standing in front of God he asked why didnt you save me....God said "I sent a suv, a boat, and a helechopper...what more did you want." Just like in real life we have to see the help God sends us. And say YES I'll gladly take that help.
Thank you Rabbit and Victor for both of you proudly standing and saying...I'll gladly send anyone of us a suv, boat, helechopper or even the space shuttle (in my case expecily..lol). Thank you for standing stong on your beliefs. It makes me glad to call ya'll brothers.
James

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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#76956 - 07/06/03 12:53 AM Re: Godsrabbit
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
I know that this post is not directed at me, but I would like to respond, as to say something also to Godsrabbit....I just wish to you say at you that you are to me such a good example of truly overcoming of all this. I know that I am not much a good man, and I struggle in my beliefs right now. Do not misunderstand, I still believe much strongly in my creator, and always will. But I am of bewilderment and some dissatisfaction at him right now, while thinking and trying to deal of all these things. But you, and others here, you are so much more wise of me, you are able to fully realize that it is NOT our place to understand all things, it is presumptuous for me to try that! I know that you, and several others here, are clergymen...and to me, that shows so much grace, and dignity. Even with the darkening of spirit toward some religion right now, it is still so much of good people, people who are of a higher understanding and empathy of me, and I hold so much respect and admiration at those good men and women. Yes, a very small amount of those people have harmed others; so have a small amount of doctors, teachers, coaches, parents, neighbors, and so on. I am so sorry that things here became so much difficult that you were to consider leaving...I was not here for some days, and was not aware of that. I just wish to tell you that I much appreciate the kindness you have shown me in my time here, and that I find you a valuable person to me. Thank you for staying. Also, thank you James, for posting this, to let someone know that they are appreciated and wanted, that is a generous action of you. You also are a good man.

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#76957 - 07/06/03 01:00 AM Re: Godsrabbit
godsrabbit Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 98
bless you victor...

james,

oy...i could not count on all fingers and toes the numbers of boats God has sent me through the years which i chose to ignore or turn away...! good heavens i have often been a fool...

while i have never blamed God outright for being raped or seduced, i certainly have spent a great deal of time crying: why why why? and begging God to let me have some peace in my life...only to realize, as you stated, peace was there if i would only leave myself alone and stop condemning myself for things i could not control...

accepting God's unconditional love has been the hardest thing for me to do in my heart: my head, sure...i can read the bible or any text and say "God is love" and "God is mercy", but for years really embracing that on more than an intellectual level has been so difficult...because it means we must try to love ourselves as unconditionally as God does...

i came back here because this place is a boat...and it is not for me to judge the sea-worthiness of it...i need to trust in the providence of God...we all do...

in Christ,

~ rabbit


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#76958 - 07/06/03 01:05 AM Re: Godsrabbit
godsrabbit Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 98
leosha,

bless you...we all struggle...do not place yourself in the trap of feeling bad for being at odds with your faith...do not get yourself into that cycle of being angry and then being afraid...God is patient and he will weather your confusion and your pain...do not give up...there is so much good...

and bless you for your courage for speaking here...i know how upsetting it is when there are disagreements and confusions and miscommunications...you have spoken up in many threads and spoken wisely...you have an immense and loving heart, leosha...never let anyone tell you otherwise or shame you for your struggle...struggle is good...if you are not struggling, you are not growing...even a plant must struggle upward from the ground...so we do too: toward the light...

thank you...i keep you in my prayers...


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#76959 - 07/06/03 01:08 AM Re: Godsrabbit
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
Quote:
i can read the bible or any text and say "God is love" and "God is mercy",
If understanding came as easy as reading. Keep up the good fight Rabbit, the armor of God can be heavy at times but remember God helps you carry it.
James

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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