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bless you james....thank you...

Godsrabbit,

I'm happy to see another post from you. I do hope you will be as active here as you can. I learn a lot from the things you share here.

Thanks,

Joe

thank you joe...it is specifically because of your kindness, among others, that i am trying to give this a chance...i appreciate your support and the kindness you show others...

you are a man of character and integrity...

~ rabbit

Thank you rabbit....I can use all the blessings I can get and will gladly take from anyone willing to give them. Just goes to show that the God part of your name fits your heart. Thank you for being here and thank your for all you do to make this a better place for all.
James

it is a good place james...like anything else in the world, it has its raw edges...but i am glad there are people like you here to help smooth over the rough stuff and keep hope instead of hate at the forefront...

i am sorry if you are struggling right now, and i will most certainly keep you in my prayers...

It is good to hear from you GR. This is a place where we hope people will feel better for having been here.

I think where we sometimes get off track is we talk about things that are not related to our having been sexually betrayed and violated. The more we stick to those issues the better it seems to be.

Also, our mission is to advocate for male survivors and the safety of boys. Sometimes we barely mention that.

It is good to have those among us who are by nature gentle. But, they can get feeling less safe when guys like me get fiesty. Enjoy it here GR. We are glad you chose to come and post here again.

Bob

bless you bob...

i am just going to watch and keep my mouth shut for a while...i would rather listen than talk anyway...and when i feel safe, i will try to give what i can...

~ rabbit

Godsrabbit,

I really value your input and I am glad you decided not to leave. Your trust in God, while I may not agree with the particulars of it, is inspiring to me, as I am also working with trusting God.

I am struggling right now with my image of God as a child which I know was perverted for me largely because my parents did not show me the love, care, and protection I needed and because my perpetrator sexually abused me. I tied in all of the feelings I had about being abused and neglected with the rather cold image of God that my particular church offered me.

For many years I railed and raged against God, really just railing against an image of a cold, abusive, authority figure just waiting to betray and torture me.

I have recently (thank God, literally) been waking up to the reality that that image of God is not God. It is actually a terrible idol I have paid far too much attention too. In hating it I stayed bonded to it and, with my abuse issues prominent in my heart and mind, stayed cold and alone, believing that, ultimately, I was alone and that God hated me.

I know, now, that this was not true, and also that it was not God that betrayed me. It was my parents, through their human frailty and their own unmet needs, and my perpetrator who betrayed me. The church didn't help me then, either, but the church is also NOT GOD. The church I grew up with did not tell me that God is unconditionally loving. That doesn't mean that God approves of anything sick things that people do, but rather, like good parents, still loves them when they do these things and still reaches out to them, not abandoning them as perpetrators do.

I am now renewing my relationship with God, finally. And hearing people such as yourself express how their relationship with God helps them helps me to find courage to continue praying, admitting my powerless over my addiction, and, most importantly, trusting God.

You are a great brother in recovery.

Jeff

jeff,

thank you for such a beautiful post, and bless you for seeking God and growing in your trust...that is an immense thing...

i think it is true for so many people that the imprint of our parents becomes our impression of God...and once that happens, it is very difficult to undo the negative impact...

one of the things i found helps me most in this area is to write down all the things i know about what God is like: loving, caring, encouraging, forgiving, merciful...and whenever i am challenged with a negative feeling or depiction, i remind myself that the criticism and condemnation i am hearing in my head is not God: is it (insert my father, my abuser, whomever)...it helps to pull back a little and say: that is what i am feeling or hearing, but what would God actually say to me in this situation? would he be discouraging and angry? no...he would hold me gently and give me the strength to keep moving forward...all i need do is accept it from him....

you have a very sensitive and loving approach to coping with the things you struggle with...i admire that immensely...you are a giving person, even to yourself in allowing yourself to explore your spirituality in spite of challenges...(sometimes giving to the self is the hardest thing...we all need to learn to love ourselves more)...that you do is very encouraging...bless you...