Newest Members
DT, kk90, Austintexan, Cancan, LS
12257 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Blank (36), christx (41), Heartonfire (38), Nathan LaChine (31)
Who's Online
1 registered (1 invisible), 17 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12257 Members
73 Forums
63124 Topics
441426 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#76864 - 05/10/03 03:51 PM Forgive WHICH Father?
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
My father shook me so severely as a small infant that I suffer from SIS (Shaken Infant Syndrome).

So at the suggestion of my chiropractor, I have recently started this exercise: I write in longhand "I will forgive my father for everything"
(See thread thus titled in Male Survivors forum, also thread "Mathematics of Forgiveness" here in Religion forum). The exercise requires doing this 70 times a day for 7 days, based on the gospel of Matthew chapter 18 verses 21 & 22.

Since then I've had a car accident that has caused
my already traumatized lower back & trunk, neck & shoulder areas much more severe pain.

After my first day of doing this there came more pain: the clear realization of what I'd long known
that my father when he shook me also sexually abused me. The intense pain has brot it all back.
\:\( It physically pains my hand (not the one I hurt in the accident) to even write about forgiving this man. I even found myself thinking each time I wrote those words, "I hate that bastard for putting me thru this pain--again!"

But today I completed this exercise for the third day. Just previous to doing so I had read these words, quoting another survivor:

"When my father sexually abused me, I lost my ability to trust him. He would make promises to me and not keep them. He would say loving words to
me but then abuse me. My inability to trust Him also tragically affected my relationship with God.
Why would God be any different from my father? All
I knew was what I had experienced at the hands of my parents, and it was not trustworthy. It left me
unable to trust God. Why should I trust Him?"

(above excerpted from "On the Threshold of Hope" by Diane Mandt Langberg, Ph.D.)

I have long struggled in my concept of & relationship with God (yes I am a professing Christian), but reading that & doing this exercise
has made me realize that perhaps my next round with this exercise (wait in line, mother!) is going to be not with my father but with my Father!

At least I'll be used to writing it; just hafta capitalize one letter. :rolleyes:

Yes I believe God doesn't sin. Yes I believe the abuse was not His fault.

But what I believe and what I feel, and how I'm thus relating to God my Father, are two very different things.

God the Father has since I've bothered to think about Him at all seemed to be usually absent but when there abusive, like my earthly father. That's not what I believe nor when I stop to look at it has this been my experience. But it's very much what I've felt.

I think my own Father wants me to be honest with Him about my feelings: for my own good; He knows them already anyway. I don't think He feels particularly threatened by my writing that I forgive Him even if He doesn't need it. He understands my feelings & perceptions. He wants me to be real.

So I will start next week doing this exercise as a prayer, a way of communication son to Father & Father to son.

And we'll see...

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

Top
#76865 - 05/11/03 03:26 AM Re: Forgive WHICH Father?
RickL Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/16/02
Posts: 84
Loc: Oregon
Good work, brother Victor.

As you know, my dad was abusive towards me. And yet, even though our parents are like "God" to us when we're little, I never imputed my fallible human father onto my concept of the infinite, loving, all powerful God. I could always see and understand the difference between the two. Perhaps I am fortunate that this was my processing when I was a child. And in no way do I condemn you for how your view of God got mixed up with the fallability of a mortal father. But it's important to be clear about the vast difference between the two.

So I support you and affirm you in the work that you're doing. Victor, this is truly your employment right now. And you've been given extra time to "work" in this way. Your heavenly Father wants your attention--in the right way. You will be blessed by more deeply knowing and internalizing the unspeakable love, truth, and sheltering wing protection our heavenly Father has for you!

And to take this a step further--although this is hard for me--I need to acknowledge that God created my human father, just as He created me. It's that call to love the man, but see the man as seperate from the sin he was so duped by. If I see sin, hate, abuse, etc. as impersonal--that is not a part of the true man that God created, it helps me feel some freedom from my harsh feelings toward my dad.

Hope this helps. Take care,

Rick


Top
#76866 - 05/12/03 08:03 AM Re: Forgive WHICH Father?
SandyW Offline
Member

Registered: 02/25/03
Posts: 86
Loc: NJ
Guys, this makes so much sense!

I really believe that when you keep coming across the same message from various sources that it is God speaking to you loud and clear. Just recently, I came across this in a bible study that I've been doing...

"Parents who have abused their children may damage their child's ability to believe God the Father is their protector. Parents represent the first authority figure for their children and shape their child's perception of God, who is the ultimate authority."

Over the past few days, I also keep seeing some>

Top
#76867 - 05/12/03 11:21 AM Re: Forgive WHICH Father?
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Rick, thanks brother. It does help. \:\)

Quote:
And to take this a step further--although this is hard for me--I need to acknowledge that God created my human father, just as He created me. It's that call to love the man, but see the man as seperate from the sin he was so duped by. If I see sin, hate, abuse, etc. as impersonal--that is not a part of the true man that God created, it helps me feel some freedom from my harsh feelings toward my dad.
Wow Rick that's a tough one for me too but it's a good thot to work over. Thanks. TC & TTYL friend.

Quote:
Over the past few days, I also keep seeing some>
_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

Top
#76868 - 05/14/03 05:34 PM Re: Forgive WHICH Father?
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
OK today I completed the 70 x 7 exercise about my father.

Have I completed forgiving him? No. But I'm further along than I was a week ago.

No I will do the 70 x 7 exercise about my Father.

I'm glad He's merciful...

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.