John. That is a real bummer but cant you persue the bastard to find out at least his address. Maybe your attorney could help you. What I am leading up to is that it might be good for you to write the prick a letter, send it registered, and tell him that you have not forgotten and that you have not made up your mind if you will let all his associates know what he has done or get in touch with the authorities and let them know what he is like. But you are gonna do something. I think that way you might really take control and let the asshole sweat a whole lot. I cannot believe that the shit can get away with it by declaring bankruptcy and moving. Surely the authorities in Phoenix would help you. What does your attorney say??? I just think it would give you a whole lot of satisfaction and control. Put the FEAR into HIM. You are telling him he cannot hide and I think that would be very powerful for you.
My brother I really hope we can meet with others here sometime in the future cause I feel that all of us have developed something special. I would be proud to call you a real friend.
Take care and be kind to yourself.

Mike, Victor,

Thanks for the support. I think that maybe I need to clarify my perps. There have been three ( actually 4 )

• 1/2 The first perps were the little girls across the alley from where we lived
  
  • I was probably 4 or 5 years old and the neighbor girls were between 8 and 12 since they were children and I was a child I don't place as much emphasis on them
  
  
  [*]1 Ted (usually refered to in my post as Perp # 1) A prominent Opthomologist in town, A family friend. He also attended the same church as I did.
  • Raped me when I was 26 Ted molested me in his office durring an eye exam . He raped me after he lured me over to his house to do some work for him. He cornered me and groped me after choir practice one night at the church
  
  
[*]2 Dr. Laughlin refered to as perp # 2 Minister at the First Presbyterian Church

• Raped me 10 days after Ted raped me when I went to him for spiritual and psychological counseling and told him about Ted raping me. Told me that what he was doing to me was a new way to "check for AIDS" DIED ( may her burn in hell) ten years ago

• 3 Tom refered to as Perp # 3 entered my life 5 years ago. He was stalking me. Turned out to be my boss
  • started by making anonomous phone calls ( before caller I D ) mastrubating into the phone. Then went to what I refer to as Pervert mail ... pornographic magazines with letter describing the sex acts he wanted to perform on me. .... this was all before I realized who he was. He hired me as an employee five years ago. Would send me on wild goose chases in the country ( I was a delivery person for him) while he broke into my house and went through my underwear drawer. Was constantly "coming on to me" Cornered me twice at work and groped me. I pressed charges against him and he declared bankruptcy to get out of the charges. Moved to Pheonix. Lost the case because of the incompetance of my attorney. It got transfered to three different case workers
    • Attorney took the case contingency but changed to hourly ( retroactive to the begining of the case ) when Tom declared bankruptcy
    
    

I hope this clears things up.

Thanks for all your support guys

John

John. Man oh man I feel for you.
What a f**kin raw deal life dealt you. But my Brother you are here and that is what is important.
I know that I would try and find the bastard and let others know about him just to take control. Failing that write his name in the toilet bowl and every time you use it you may get some satisfaction in the synbolism.
I am not an expert on anything but please feel free to contact this old fart from the north any time you want. For that matter any of us here. We are all in it together.

John definitely there's no need to put put unnecessary emphasis on this or any other trauma event, as there are enuf of them with enuf emphasis in your life, and mine.

However you might want to consider with your T or even here what possible negative impact this traumatic incident may have had on your life, and possibly how it might have "set you up" for future perpetrations.

John, yes you were all children. But they were older children, even adolescents, and they outnumbered you. They were in a position of power over you and they exercised it, either forcing or coercing you into what sounds to me like an abusive situation for you.

But you would know about that better than I , of course. As you know how much or how little emphasis to put on it.

I was sexually abused on multiple occasions by two different babysitters, one when I was 5 or 6, the other 9 or 10. Both were older than me, but really hardly old enuf to be babysitting me.

It's interesting that I did at least vaguely & occasionally remember the incidents with them. I think that's becuz I wasn't really thinking of it as abuse, tho I didn't think of it as something I really liked either, tho aspects of it did make me feel "good."

But more & more especially since my "real" abuse memories came back to me, I've gone from feeling like these two young ladies did me no favors at all, to knowing that what they did to me was definitely abusive.

I had already been incested by both parents by the time either one of them came along. But I still think they contributed to my relationship problems, control issues, and sexual addictions & dysfunctions. To my SA trauma.

But that's just my experience & opinions.

Just something to think about my friend. As if you didn't have enuf, huh?...

Victor

God, I hope so!...

Mike I take exception to this "stonewalling" too.
Most of all, of course, becuz it hurts survivors & encourages further perpetrations.

Also, becuz this gives all churches & ministers a bad name that most of them don't deserve. Which also hurts survivors & encourages further perpetrations becuz people may be needlessly scared away from potentially a source of help in the churches and ministers.

It's notoriously hard to track down stats on this, and stats are only of limited reliability to be sure.

Nevertheless according to what stats I can find (and this refers to SA of children not adults), about 85% of perps are either family members, relatives, neighbors and/or family friends.

This leaves approximately 15% of sex offenders who could be ministers. Or they could be coaches, Scout troop leaders or parents, educators, daycare workers, babysitters (as 2 of my perps were), or co-workers or dates with adolescents.

Or strangers, which make up another about 5% of perps, leaving actually about 10% for all of the above & others.

So a high estimate, based granted on these limited stats (I'd welcome knowing about more & perhaps differing ones), would be that about 5% of perps are ministers, even if you include those who cover their sorry arses as sex offenders, which in my mind I do. Still, I doubt that high, given the sheer numbers of perps among the others named above, and others unnamed.

This is not a defense of perpetrating ministers! As a long-time Christian, who has been active in church ministry & service to the community, who was helping survivors before I even knew I was one myself, you can count on me to be one of the last ones to defend clergy sex offenders or churches & church officials who cover for them!

I deeply resent their abuse of others, and the black eye they give to all churches and to Jesus Christ Himself! A black eye that SA survivors may see, and turn the other way, perhaps from a place where they could really get help (For instance the support group I've started in meets in and is highly supported by a church, tho of course this is not common knowledge.)

If it was 0.00000000001% of perps who were clergy,
it would still be just as horribly wrong. And yes I do think it's worse when clergy perpetrated SA, becuz they above all should know better, and should be the ones helping the abused, and offering safe sanctuary from abuse, and good nurturing in Christ's Church.

One perpetration is one perpetration too many, whether the perp is a priest or a papa or a president!

God I hope they all learn!

And I do hope it starts especially in the church, as it should!

Thanks Mike and anyone else if you read & tolerated all these ramblings for what they're worth.

Victor

Victor you bet I understand. The creeps are usually trusted authority or family members. And that makes it all the more difficult for us to relate to other people from these groups who try to help. I just wish the F**K that my church would say collectively WE ARE SORRY AND WILL MAKE AMENDS. Instead they tie things up in the courts and say they wont hire gays. God they are so wrong. Some of the best Priests I know are gay. They are kind and thoughtful. It is the pedophiles that screw everything up. God must be disgusted with the whole sorry mess that we unwillingly became a part of.