One day at a time:
It's just my opinion & belief, but I don't believe
anybody deserves to have pain. It's not what we were made for. It is what we've brot upon ourselves as the human race. But I don't think any of us as individuals deserve it or ask for it.
It often comes, as did yours, and mine, from people, places & powers beyond our control. I empathize with you for the horrors you've been put thru in your life.
Fellow survivor, don't add to your pain by inflicting more upon yourself, no matter what you've done.
I'm not trying to justify what you did or say it wasn't wrong. But as you said, you didn't know it was wrong; for you this was normal behavior. Having grown up in a sexually overexposed & incestuous environment, I understand how this can & does happen. It's not your fault! Especially at the tender age of ten!
Sure hate what you've done, but don't hate yourself! I'm saying that as someone who is well aware of how hard that is. But it will only lead to further thots, feelings & behaviors that could be even more self-destructive, and possibly hurtful to others.
The At-Risk Members forum in the Members area is a good place for many of us to share about our struggles with sexual addictions or issues or acting out behaviors of any kind. If you are a member, you can ask to use this forum by contacting the moderator, Ken Singer, for permission.
You deserve to get better & be whole, and you can.
This site is a good place to do that. Thank you for openly sharing your story. You are in my thots and prayers.
Feel free to post here or PM (private message) me.
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."