In years of involvement with therapeutic support groups, I have occasionally heard it said that as a survivor you need to move on and let go. In my experience, I have made certain progress, in marrying quite a wonderful woman, and in getting a job that has paid the bills. Yet, certain things are missing, prominent among them are a strong, supportive group of friends. In whatever social contact I do have, I have seen how much pressure there is to avoid talking about sexual abuse and recovery and advocacy. Religion also has been ambiguous. The Twelve Step groups helped me progress tremendously, through denial to awareness and recovery. In trying to move out, it has proven very difficult since much religion seems geared to socializing amongst people with other interests than honest communication and deep spiritual growth. I have gotten myself involved with Amnesty International as one effort, and environmental groups as another, with the ACLU a recent effort as well. As for my recent efforts, Buddhism has been particulary helpful, because of selections in a compilation by Anne Bancroft, and the clarity of the Buddha's thought and analysis.
Non-attachment, and the beneficial effects of simple, perceptive awareness are large parts of his approach. His views have relieved my thinking, tortured by the manipulative and distracted mentalities all around me. Zen ritual has also proved helpful to approach these texts. As such, I am detaching from my fear of speaking up. That is the current result of my letting go. Small talk just doesn't address the issues underneath the surface. :p
How are you coping with awareness?

That's a tough one. I end up doing for others as I would have them do for me. But no one ever does for me, if you know what I mean. I keep myself busy with menial "responsible" things. Dusting, passing the vaccuum, picking up toys and cleaning house, mowing lawn, bring kids to school and daycare, go to work, dishes, cooking, shopping, all those things and more. Kep my mind off whatever. I'm gonna check out Zen. Thanks.

For me, spirituality is a matter of getting to be able to profoundly experience the spiritual. Not the religioujs. But the spiritual. I see music, art, nature, dance, singing, and many other aspects of creation as truly spiritual. Anyone of these can lift my spirit, help me feel alive and full of hope.
There are a tremendous number of books on spitiuality. The one i keep going back to is The Holy Longing, by a guy named Rohlheiser.
I think we sometimes make it all to complicated.
Bob

Great to hear from you guys. I know exactly what you mean, Orodo. I get that strange feeling too. If all I need to do is do unto others, then when I do good, how come I feel like I'm getting screwed, or just plain taken for a fool? Two passages in the Bible have caught my eye: Luke 8, or something, about scattering seed onto rock, thorns, or good soil, and 2 Corinthians 9 about abundance being God's intention, so that the servant can be empowered to be generous. That makes sense to me. Keeping it simple is nice, Bob, I also agree, especially if it helps lift the depressing feelings of isolation and despair. Take it easy, fellas, and one and all.

Religion left me a long while ago, about the time my abuse was taking place in my early teens. I remember clearly attending the local church to the boarding school and coming to the conclusion that I no longer believed, I sat, stood and knelt with the rest out of politness ( and fear of the teachers ) at the time, and I still do when attending weddings and funerals, although more recently I have started to just sit quietly at the back.
I listen to what is said, and I can recognise that there is good life advice amongst the preaching, and I've said elsewhere that I'll take advice from anywhere.

I believe the atheists amongst us can lead perfectly decent lives, and as the previous guys have touched on, I believe that if you are decent to others then somehow it all comes back.
Maybe the believers will tell me it's gods doing, I won't try to persuade you otherwise.

But it's why I am active on this site, I get so much back that helps me, it's why I stop and change wheels for women stuck at the side of the road with a flat. And when I stop and think about it people help me all the time, not that I help others just to gain a return at all.
Maybe it's always been like this, or maybe I just recognise it more as a survivor.

Whatever it is I feel it gives me a kind of spir itual peace and satisfaction, and I suppose that's as good as it gets, however we achieve it.

Lloydy

Lloydy
Your last post reminded me of one of my favorite>

There was a very funny Irish comedian, popular on our TV a few years back who always finished his stand up routine with the line.
"may your God go with you"

A good maxim for us non believers, and whether or not we belive, human decency can also inspire us to help one another. And surely that can be classed as a spiritual help to us, when we help another person ?

Lloydy

I've got to watch myself getting involved in this conversation because religion is a subject that just pushes my buttons the wrong way. Of course religion was used to help further the abuse along in so many ways.

However, what I have begun to learn is that spirituality is what matters. To me religion misses spirituality in so many ways. And for me personally, spirituality involves so much in this world and in my life and it is something that is very personal and very intimate with me. I am learning that I can have spirituality in any place at any time... and that is the most kewl thing about it.

Don

Don
I was struggling to describe spirituality, and how I felt. I sort of know it's there, I think it's taken the place of all the crap I used to carry about. It's new, and I suppose I'm still figuring it out.
Until you explained it,
That says it all, thanks.
Lloydy

Really Lloydy - I actually was trying to find my way through that as well.. and still feel like I am. Maybe I understand more than I realize. Thanks for the positive feedback because it helped point out to me what I am not able to see yet.

Thanks
Don