In some ways you are right. Forgiveness isn't a requirment for most people to "heal". But for some like myself I have found that offering that forgiveness had helped me let go of the pain and shame that came from my abuse. However, do we have
to forgive in order to get grace from God? I don't think so to some points. See in order to offer someone forgiveness they are required to do some things first. See someone who has sinned against us doesnt automaticly get our forgiveness, they have to do some stuff first.
God has a required way for seeking and receiving his forgiveness. A person must acknowledge his sin, recognize that it is an offense against God, confess it unqualifiedly, have a deep heartfelt sorrow for the wrong done, and have a determination to turn from such a course or practice. (Ps 32:5; 51:4; 1Jo 1:8,9; 2Co 7:8-11) He must do what he can to right the wrong or damage done. (Mt 5:23,24) Then he must pray to God, asking for forgiveness on the basis of Christ's ransom sacrifice. Eph 1:7
So if God has requirements for his forgiveness to offered to a sinner, then we can also follow this example of Godly forgiveness. So if a person isn't willing to openly admit his sin do we as believer's have
to extend forgiveness to them? With my limited understanding of the bible I don't believe so. If we are to live our lives by God's and Jesus's example and this is the "guildlines" set forth in the bible to get God's forgiveness then we also have guidlines to offer someone forgiveness.
Now like everything else in life there is a balance in even bible teachings.
When a person has been grievously wronged, the pain can be immense. This is particularly true if one is the innocent victim of a serious sin. Some may even wonder, "How can I forgive someone who viciously betrayed and hurt me?" In the case of a gross sin the victim may need to apply the counsel of Matthew 18:15-17.
15 "Moreover, if your brother commits a sin, go lay bare his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he does not listen, take along with you one or two more, in order that at the mouth of two or three witnesses every matter may be established. 17 If he does not listen to them, speak to the congregation. If he does not listen even to the congregation, let him be to you just as a man of the nations and as a tax collector.
So as you can see even the bible lays out requirments for forgiveness for us to follow. When it says "let him by to you just as a man of the nations" Jesus told us to not be a part of the nations. So basicly it's saying to not have anything to do with unrepentence person.
In any case, much may depend on the offender. Since the wrongdoing has there been any sign of sincere repentance? Has the sinner changed, perhaps even attempted to make real amends? In Jehovah's eyes such repentance is a key to forgiveness even in the case of truly horrendous sins. For example, Jehovah forgave Manasseh, one of the most wicked kings in Israel's history. On what basis? God did so because Manasseh finally humbled himself and repented of his vile ways. 2 Chronicles 33:12,13.
So even God has requirments for his forgiveness. So "if" God has these requirments then so can we.
In the Bible genuine repentance involves a sincere change in attitude, a heartfelt regret over any wrongs committed. Where appropriate and possible, repentance is accompanied by an effort to make restitution to the victim of the sin. (Luke 19:7-10; 2 Corinthians 7:11) Where there is no such repentance, Jehovah does not forgive. Moreover, God does not expect Christians to forgive those who were once enlightened spiritually but who now willfully, unrepentantly practice wrongdoing. (Hebrews 10:26-31) In extreme cases, forgiveness may well be inappropriate. Psalm 139:21, 22; Ezekiel 18:30-32.
So for me the act of forgiveness isn't quite as black and white. There is a ton of things that come with it. This is just a breif overview of my thoughts on the act of forgiveness. Hope it helps some.