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#76398 - 11/02/00 03:38 PM would like a friend that understands
wert Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/02/00
Posts: 21
Loc: Ut
I am so glad that I found this website. At least I know now that I am not the only one out there. I feel in my case that my story is a little different than most stories.
I was involved in a sexual experience with my older brother. I was never forced to do anything. I did it out of my own free will. Mind you I was about 6 to 7 years old. I still remember the sights, sounds, smells, and feelings. These things have haunted me eversince that time. It happend more than once and sometimes I would initiate it. I feel guilty and ashamed. In some sense I feel like I am a homosexual. No offense but I was brought up in a good Christian home where I was taught that this was against the laws of God. I still believe those values but sometimes it gets so hard. My brother and I are friends and as far as I can tell I have no hatred for him. I have wired thoughts that I am trying to control and even my dreams are wild but I can't control those. I am getting the help I need (thank goodness) but I also would like to hear from any of you who might have been or are in the same situation. I just want a friend who really understands. I have friends who know everything and are trying to understand but they just can't and they admit to that. I just want a friend.


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#76399 - 11/03/00 04:56 AM Re: would like a friend that understands
Neil Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/00
Posts: 81
Loc: Millersville, MD, USA
Wert, I just responded to your reply to abcd in the other section. I too sought out my abuser on many occasions but I still consider what happened to me abuse. He had taken advantage of my innocence. I was young and unknowing. A young boy should not be taught such adult things at that young of an age. I don't know how much older your brother is than you but he should not have taken advantage of you that way. I too felt responsible for what happened to me for many years. Not until I began my recovery did I realize that I was not responsible at all. I WAS ABUSED. I also questioned my sexuality for years. I think all men go through some of that but it can be much worse for survivors especially if they were abused by another male. I was raised in a strict religious home so having those thoughts seemed so wrong. I felt dirty and ashamed. I learned through counseling that these are very normal feelings. I will be praying for your healing. If you would like to e-mail me directly here's the address: somdcatman@aol.com Neil


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