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#76395 - 10/26/00 04:31 AM Abused from the Pulpit
Neil Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/00
Posts: 81
Loc: Millersville, MD, USA
I was sexually abused by the Minister of Music in the church I attended as a child. The abuse started when I was around 11 or 12 and continued for several years until I got too old and my abuser moved on to younger victims. Not only did he steal my virginity, but he greatly affected my faith in God, my trust of the church, and my trust of my fellow man. I kept silent for 30+ yrs. before I told someone and sought help. My faith is stronger now but I still have a tough time with trust in the church. Does anyone else have the same feelings? There are so many men who were abused from behind the pulpit and I would like to get some feedback from them as to how they are dealing with that pain and distrust. I was asked to post my story on a web sight so I am including the address if anyone is interested: http://spiritualsurvival.org


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#76396 - 11/01/00 03:28 PM Re: Abused from the Pulpit
Shaun Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/29/00
Posts: 10
Loc: Ocala FL
Hi Neil,
I was abused by a teacher at a religious school, and also a camp counselor at a religious retreat. I'd be interested in chating with you. I had a negative experience with SNAP a supposedly supportive group for survivors of sexual abuse. The kicked me out, left me raw and hurting because my abuse was not at the hands of priests or nuns. I am leary of group chat rooms but this one has been pretty good. There are a lot of great guys here. Everyone thus far has been open and accepting. I bid you welcome. If you want to chat e-mail me.
I bid you peace, be good to yourself,
Shaun


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#76397 - 11/02/00 04:47 AM Re: Abused from the Pulpit
Neil Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/00
Posts: 81
Loc: Millersville, MD, USA
Shaun, Thanks for your note. It's always good to hear from fellow survivors. Why is it that when we mention sexual abuse and the church that people automatically think Catholic? I guess because that's what we hear most about. I have some bad news for people of other faiths. It's happening all around them. To this day the people in the Baptist church where I was abused will not accept the full impact of what this man did to that church and the boys that attended there. He abused boys for 30+ yrs. before one young man finally exposed him. Churches of all faiths need to open their eyes. I'm sorry you had a bad experience with group sessions. Mine has been great. It's led by my individual therapist. A man who is tuned in to male sexual abuse. This has been very helpful in the healing process for me. There are 5 men including myself. Three of us were abused by church officials. Only one by a priest. We all share a mistrust of the church as a whole. I'm working on that though. I would like to attend a church where I feel safe. I'm looking. I'm a little surprised that we don't hear much about abuse and the church at this web sight. There are so many men out there with similar experiences as ours but not much is said. Wonder why? I feel that when we are abused by church officials it's very similar to incest because of the important roles they are supposed to play in our lives. In my case I'm treating it as incest. My abuser was like a father figure to me. My Dad passed away when I was 7 yrs. old and my abuser sort of stepped in and played that role. Sorry, I'll get down off my soap box now and stop preaching. I'd love to chat with you more. I'll be praying for your safety and healing. Write me when you can. E-mail me directly if you would like. somdcatman@aol.com Neil


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#274099 - 02/05/09 08:02 PM Re: Abused from the Pulpit [Re: Neil]
christianfather Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/04/08
Posts: 116
Loc: TN
I was abused by an official from the LDS church and Baptist Church.

Most people don't say anything because they don't want to say anything against the church from fear of being damned to hell or ostracized by members.


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#274108 - 02/05/09 09:11 PM Re: Abused from the Pulpit [Re: christianfather]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
Quote:
Most people don't say anything because they don't want to say anything against the church from fear of being damned to hell or ostracized by members.


yep.........

a cruel torture indeed

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#274258 - 02/06/09 10:16 PM Re: Abused from the Pulpit [Re: Neil]
Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1314
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
Neil,

I attended a "christian school" as a child. I consider the music teacher to be an abuser. He never touched me inappropriately but he did talk to me about masturbation methods. He also had kids come over to his house and he had porn in his bathroom for us to read. I also know that he did have some sort of physical relationship with some of the other kids. And yes, this did distort my concept of God and my ability to trust.

I came to the conclusion that the god I learned about as a child is a lie; he does not exist, never did. As an adult, I had to learn to know who God really is and he is nothing like the god I learned about as a child.

That's my 2 cents worth, hope it helps.

Love ya
Darrel

_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

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#274265 - 02/06/09 11:07 PM Re: Abused from the Pulpit [Re: Derdlecar]
Fissy Tsickens Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/23/08
Posts: 466
Loc: Bassett, Virginia
Hi, Neil.

I had multiple (3) abusers that I know of, one of whom was a vicar in the Lutheran church I grew up in. I stayed in the Lutheran church until I could drive, then moved on to other churches over the next 30 years. Currently, I am in an independent Christian/Protestant/born-again church. Thus far, the pastor has proven to be a caring, loving, supportive man. I have not shared my history of CSA or sexuality issues with him (yet), but from sermons he has preached and things he has said, I think he may be someone with whom I could share, and not be judged or ostrasized. I'll let you know how it works out.

My advice is look around; find a church you are comfortable with, and give it a chance. Though CSA is not so rare, the vast majority of those in the clergy are God-fearing, loving (TRULY loving, not sexual predators) people who want to serve their God and their fellow man.

Best wishes and God bless.

Peace,

John

_________________________
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home Iíll never see

It may sound absurd...but donít be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but wonít you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
Itís not easy to be me

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#274305 - 02/07/09 09:54 AM Re: Abused from the Pulpit [Re: christianfather]
nathan555 Offline


Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 230
Loc: Australia
I am apauled that sexual abuse occurs in "Churches" I once held a leadership position in such a "church."
Disclosures were made to me ad I resisted the perp and I sought to protect the sheep from the wolf.

I was shocked that the institution sought to protect it's "reputation" rather than fulfill it's legal obligations
and failed to obey God's commands.

It is clear that Jesus resisted sexual abusers
He called some "Wolves in sheep's clothing"
and "A generation of snakes and vipers"

A Church MUST be a safe place
if it is not -
if leadership and the congregation refuse or hinder the removal of the perp
then hand them over to the Civil authorities
for prosecution
leave it for a safe church
and pray for its closure

God will bring about the destruction of abusive churches

I know a "church" where an elder was a perp
protected by the leadership
today it is a resteraunt

God is not mocked by wolves
He executes judgement when they refuse to repent.

_________________________
5 depending on God's grace gives hope
6 my dark side , my hurt inner being my struggle
8 looking to the day of overcomming

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#274951 - 02/12/09 02:04 PM Re: Abused from the Pulpit [Re: nathan555]
dusty42 Offline


Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 111
Loc: Kentucky
Dusty42 has deleted this message. I no longer feel safe here.



Edited by dusty42 (03/18/09 01:56 PM)
Edit Reason: I don't feel safe here
_________________________
Pinky: "Gee Brain, what do you want to do tonight?"
The Brain: "The same thing we do every night, Pinkyótry to take over the world."

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