This doesn't have anything to do with SA, but it has to do with me. People want to know why i no have any friends, and some of it has to do with the SA but i think a lot of it has to do with my past. When I was 15, almost 16, I had a friend named Justin. I knew him when i was little and then we moved. When we came back we were still friends. I found out he went thru SA too. We never talked about anything in general, but we were there for each other. One night he called me and said he was going to kill himself and I said don't I'll be right over and I ran as fast as I could. I don't remember going into the house, or going to his room. All I remember is standing over his dead body crying. The fire department had to remove me from the room. To this day I still blame myself for not doing something. I also found out that one of my other personalities saw him pull the trigger as he was running to take the gun away. I guess I'm jus so scared that if i become friends with anyone they'll leave me 2. I like helping people n talk 2 people but as soon as it comes 2 being friI tend to back off. Buddies is ok but friends are not. Sorry for bugging, I jus had 2 get it out. It's been on my mind a lot. I do have 1 friend now and I hope i don't mess it uup. It's hard, real hard. Sometimes I regret it cuz of my bad luck, but he has helped me so much. I jus no no. I want to jus delete this but I have to try.