The statement you made, "I was a willing participant, because I had no other choice," says it all. The fact that you had no other choice, means that you were not a willing participant. You were trying to survive!
Don't take on any of those perps guilt! DON'T! You experienced sexual abuse, plain and simple. You didn't ask to go there. You didn't ask to be treated that way once you got there. They took advantage of your bad situation and all you did was try to survive until you could get released. They own all the guilt, not you.
The fact that this happened 12 years ago and you are still trying to deal with it, proves you were abused and not a willing participant. I was in denial for 32 years. Let me tell you, it won't work. At some point you have to deal with these issues and it seems like you are trying to now.
Remember, you didn't ask to go there,and you didn't asked to be raped and abused. It wasn't your fault. It never was your fault.
The guys here will help you realize that and help you out a lot. I wish you luck and if you ever need to chat, send me a PM.