********Possible Trigger Warning*********
I was repeatedly sexually abused by my older brother from the ages of 10 to 15. (rough guess) Iím 24 now, and just starting to deal with this. I am happily married and my wife is my biggest supporter in this. We have both done research on this, read posts at the message boards, but now I believe itís time for me to let this out here, and find support and answers here from other men like me. I know now that I am not alone, and itís a big relief.
Iím sure I donít remember everything that happened to me when I was being abused, but I do remember plenty. I was forced to perform oral sex on my brother, he repeatedly sodomized me , stuck things in my ass (fingers and other things too I think), and made me masturbate him. He also had me masturbate in front of him, and walk around the room naked. I was also forced, by my brother, to have anal sex with another boy in front of him. He introduced me to sex and masturbation. He got what he wanted, and then went on as if nothing ever happened. There may have been some friends of his that helped him in his torture of me, Iím not quite sure.
The memories are vivid, but they come in bits and pieces. When I have the flashbacks, I see, hear, and feel what is going on. They are so intrusive! Sometimes I have them in my sleep. (The way I found out about this is because my wife told me how I was acting in my sleep.) I donít remember having them the next day.
Any positive words or wisdom would be appreciated. I guess Iím just looking for solace. . .