My story sort of ended where the counsellor at the YMCA told me to get over my abuse and that it was probably my fault anyway.

After this from him I was totally demoralized when I went to work out. My heart was not into it. Some guy there could sense I guess that I was down and offered a shoulder to cry on so to speak. After the workout I went to his room to talk to him. I started to cry( yeh cry) and he put his arm around me and held me tight and I guess I held him back I was so upset. the next thing I know he was playing with me and once again I got aroused as I had before. It graduated to a full blown assault by him. I was bigger and stronger than him but felt wanted and let him do what he wanted to me. He asked me if I liked what he was doing and I asked him to hurt me. After it was all over he told me that with my body and responses I could make a lot of money as a hustler. I ddd not even know what that was. He told me to meet him that night im Major Hill Park behind the Chateau Laurier Hotel and he would show me what he meant. Then he gave me $10 as a sort of thankyou.

I remember being eager to meet him again cause he had given me what I wanted. I was there after dark and there seemed to be a lot of guys there just walking around. Talk about being naive. Finally an older guy came up and offered me a cigarette. I took it and he told me that I had a great body and that I must like showing ot off. Then he offered me money if I would strip to my underwear. I waws scared but I did it. Some other guy came along and offerd some money if I would let him have sex with me. I wanted to get the hell out of the park and so I said sure and went with him to his car and he drove into an empty parking garage where he forced me to do things with him. After it was over he told me get the fuck out of his car and he took off.
I went back to the park and met more guys and by the time it was 4 am I was bruised and sore. But I had made some money.

I never met the guy from the YMCA again. I told myself that each might I went there I was looking for him.

It did not take me long to start advertising myself and I got into lots of fights with others like me in staking out my territory. I then had no fear of soliciting. I was not the least bit shy and actually scared a lot of prospective clients away. I perfected my technique (so to speak) and zeroed in on the type of client I was looking for; mean and nasty and who enjoyed inflicting pain.

My needs became well known in a very short time and I had no shortage of clients. I suffered every kind of huimiliation and violence I think was possible in a sexual encounter.

I became too bold and one night was picked up by a cop when they were doing a sweep of the park looking for deviants and fags as he expressed it. This happened about 2-3 weeks after I started frequenting the park.

What I did not know at the time was that this particular cop wanted what I had to offer and he had heard about me from others that he knew. He took me back to the police station (Nicholas Street Jail) and parked around the back. He called for assistance ( I thought) on the radio and the next thing I knew 2 other cops got into the back seat on each side of me. They proceeded to rape me and force me to service them. They took me into the jail somewhere at the back in a storage room and spent the next 2-3 hours using me. They told me to keep my mouth shut & I would stay out of trouble.

I met them on a regular basis after that & was blackmailed by them( threat of jail) to commit break and enters, muggings and car theft for them for their profit. I did this willingly. They did not know that by that time I did not care about staying out of jail as long as I could get the attention that I wanted.

After a particularly long session when I was tied up and used in every possible ways one of them got out a needle and injected heroin into a vein in my arm. It was unbeleivable.

From that day on I was hooked and would do absolutely anything for the drug. I sand so far into the muck I hit the granite underneath. The cops continued to feed me heroin for favours. But they became increasingly distant and finally told me to stay away from them or they would kill me. They sent me to a supplier of heroin and he took over for them.

He used to send me everywhere to service men in exchange for heroin. There is nothing I did not do or have done to me. I also kept going to the park. By this time I did not even want money just the sex and violence.

I gotta stop now for a while

Mike, your story is surely one that shows the lengths perpetrators will go to, in order to get what they want.

I guess, that once you reached the age of consent you did not have perps--but you had terribly broken and sick men who liked hurting another human. My heart goes out to you.

My saddness for you is relieved, only when I remember how you mentioned that man in the gym who worked with you, and had you look at yourself and see the progress you have made.

You have made that kind of progress with your spirit as well. You have suffered atrocities, but you can get yourself moving towards wellness, and you can offer help and support to others.

I think you are developing some compassion and understanding to help guys who sold their bodies to be abused. It seems like a person would need to go through that to have some sense of what another man who did that would feel.

So Bro, keep on keeping on! Move to more wellness for yourself, and grow in the confidence that, from that unspeakable tragedy you suffered, you have learned to squeeze something positive out of it--or, maybe not out of it but in sppite of it.

Take care good man!

Bob