I don't know if this is where I can post about my experience, so appologies if I'm wrong.
I'm just going to jot down the basics, cuz I don't want to get caught up right now in making this into a "proper story"; that is, for now I just feel the need to *dump* this out.
Appologies for just dumping, but I just need to get this out. And I'm still trying to put the pieces together, so 'the story' may/will change as time goes on....

-when i was 4 y/o my dad died of a lung desease (i don't want to get specific right now, cuz i'm afraid of my family finding this post)
-while still 4 y/o, my mom, sister and i moved to another town
-once when i was with my mom at someone's house, the people in the kitchen were all hanging out while someone was cooking something on the stove. some of them were getting shots
-i asked people in another room if they got their shots. they're like: "shots! someone's getting shots?! I'm leaving!". Lots of commotion. later some guy comes in and is PISSED that i said that, cuz people started leaving
-my mom in the kitchen gets a shot and disappears out of the kitchen.
-at this point that's all i remember distinctly about that 'party', however....
-i think that some real foggy and deep images are a continuation of that 'party' at that house....
-i am in a room, this guy asks me if i want a shot like the others. soon he is very angry and is beating the hell out of me, especially in the head. eventually he tells me: "I KILLED YOUR DAD! and i will kill you too if you don't do what i tell you! and i'm going to kill you if you tell anyone anything about any of this!"
-one at a time a man comes into the room and i get sodomized and/or get it in the mouth;
-reminders via beatings and death threats to do what i'm told and not to talk about it.
-after a while, i don't know if it's hours or days later, someone comes in and asks me questions. a while later a man comes in and is killed by the guy who asked questions. dead guy on the floor.

i'm 52 years old now, and only about a week ago started 'remembering' and going through that whole thing. this sure explains a lot of what has happened in my life....

sorry if this freaked anybody out---i just really feel the need to tell this somehow, someway.
thanks