When I was about 4 years old my step father started molesting me. My mom had just had my younger brother and his crib was in my room.

My stepfather would offer to get up at night to help my mom feed the baby and while he was in my room he would molest me.

One night I woke up in the middle of the night to my mother screaming "What the hell is going on here!!". All I remember is looking down between by legs and seeing my stepfather giving me oral sex. I was still half asleep, but I remember how scared I was and how hysterical my mom was crying.

I was about 4 yrs old and don't remember my mother saying anything to me they just turned out the light and closed my bedroom door, went into the other room and began to scream and fight.
That night my mom kicked my step father out of the house.
Some time passed maybe a few months and my stepfather promised he would never ever do anything like that again my mother believed him and He moved back into our home.

Well that was the beging of almost daily sexual abuse he also started molesting my sister and me together. He would tell us that what we were doing was a secret and if my mom found out she would get very sick like the last time.
When I was 7 and my sister was 8 we told my mom what was going on. She flipped out and almost had a nervous breakdown. She called her sister from out of town(for moral support) my aunt arrived and they both confronted my stepfather. I remember my aunt falling down on the floor and grasping at her head. By the time the ambulance got their she was in a coma from and anurism (a blood vesle burst in her head) She died a few days later and my mother was very ill to say the least. Just like my stepfather had warned us.
It was about 1 yr before my step father came back (yes she let him back!!!!!) I was about 8 at by this time.

He continued to abuse me and harass me sometimes he would make me give him oral sex and would have me analy penetrate him, and alot of other sick stuff. He would tell me that I was his and we would run away together and live as lovers when I got older. I would tell him he was crazy and needed help!! (a real sick puppy) I was about 10 or 11 by this time and my mother says she was Oblivious to this. When I was 13 I told him he would never do touch me again, oh he didn't stop trying though he would grab me any time he could and put his hands down my pants and in the morning before he went to work at 4am I would wake up with his tonge in my mouth and his hands all over my body. That same year I got a nife out of the kitchen and told him if he ever touched me again I would cut off his dick or kill him when he was asleep. Soon after that he stopped but still lived in our home.
I guess I didn't tell anyone because I must of thought no one could do anything about it anyway and when I did tell it was catastrophic, so I guess I decided to just prettend it really wasn't happening, until I got brave enough or sick enough or crazy enough to stop it myself.

Now I am 32 years old and have been left with deep psychological and emotional scars. And there is not one freaking day that I don
't have some sort of memories or flashbacks or somthing.
I am married to a wonderfull woman for 9 years and have to awesome boys 8 & 4 That I protect like a hawk. I will probably be in recovery of some sort for the rest of my life and pray to God that he gives me the strengh to go on for, the sake of my Boys.

Sorry so long I just had to get this out.

[ March 21, 2002: Message edited by: Dan01 ]