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#75508 - 11/09/02 11:47 PM I'll off for a while...
orodo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/02
Posts: 735
Loc: Imladris, The Safe Haven of Ar...
My wife has said she will destroy this PC if I don't stop....ignoring her for my "internet friends". You guys are my brothers, my only true friends left. But i have to stay out for a while to try and save what's left of this marriage.

So......

Puddle Of Mudd - She Hates Me

Met a girl, thought she was grand
fell in love, found out first hand
went well for a week or two
then it all came unglued

in a trapp trip I can't grip
never thought I'd be the one who'd slip
then I started to realize
I was living one big lie

She fucking hates me
trust
she fucking hates me
la la la love
I tried too hard
and she tore my feelings like I had none
and ripped them away

She was queen for about an hour
after that shit got sour
she took all I ever had
no sign of guilt
no feeling of bad, no

In a trapped trip I can't grip
never thought i'd be the one who'd slip
then I started to realize
I was living one big lie

[Chorus]

that's my story, as you see
learned my lesson and so did she
now it's over and i'm glad
'cause i'm a fool for all i've said

[Chorus]

la la la la la la la la la love
Trust
la la la la la la la la la love
Trust
and she tore my feelings like I had none
she fucking hates me

BE WELL STAY WELL...PRAY FOR ME...I PRAY FOR US ALL.

Your Brother,

Orodo (Marc)

_________________________
It is better to be Dragon Master than Dragon Slayer. Some Dragons are meant to be mastered, others meant to be slain. Odin, Great Spirit, God, grant me the wisdom to know the difference. "May the Valar guide and bless you on your path under the sky"

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#75509 - 11/10/02 12:24 AM Re: I'll off for a while...
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Marc:

You are making a tough & courageous decision. I hope you get the support you need somewhere while you are offline. You will surely have my prayers, for your recovery, for your marriage. Take care.

Wuame

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#75510 - 11/10/02 07:43 AM Re: I'll off for a while...
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Orodo
I know it's going to be hard my friend, hope to catch you again soon.

Be strong Marc

Lloydy
\:\)

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#75511 - 11/10/02 03:42 PM Re: I'll off for a while...
Huck Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/20/02
Posts: 17
Loc: south carolina
Good Luck, O...I'll be thinking of you.

One suggestion....

Given that you have a community of friends here supporting you, and you get something out of being here, perhaps a compromise could be reached.

I remember when I first started conversing on-line with other survivors. It became a refuge for me, and very important to my healing. My wife developed very similiar feelings as those of your wife. She felt like I was ignoring her and other responsibilities. I realized, too, that it was very easy for me to get on the web, rather than face some of the tough issues my wife and I had. (Not accusing you of this, by any means...) I sometimes got right on the computer after an argument (or during one when I didn't want to fight anymore).

You might consider something like the following. Ackowledge your wife's feelings in regard to this forum as legitimate. If she didn't care about you, she probably could care less about where you spent your time. She's probably scared, that's all. Reassure her that you want her, and love her, and will work on things. Get her to understand that the help and suport you get here is unique, and healing. Then see if certain times, such as particular days or nights of the week, could be worked out for you to spend time reading forums, posting replys, or chatting with your buddies. Reassure her by establishing times for you and her to spend your own time together, away from the kids and other pressures of daily life, for instance, for you and her to have a dinner, go for a drive, talk serious stuff, make love, see a movie, dare I say: go to some counseling together?, or anything else.

Above all, I had to learn how to take pains to avoid conflict with my wife. Only in the absence of conflict was it possible for us to even talk, much less make compromises. Not that I submitted, just tried to have patience with her, forgive her hurtfulness, and try to slowly rebuild our relationship. I did this for our son, for myself, and for us... It was hard, very hard, but I tried to have days where, even though it is always on my mind, I didn't mention anything about sexual abuse. I tried to talk about her, our son, anything....

For a long time, I spent no time at survivor sites. I had my hands full doing the above, along with prosecuting my perp, staying in counseling despite how difficult it was, and still making a living. My wife and I have been through alot. She realizes (I think), now, that the time I spend here is valuable to me, and that makes it valuable to her. I even get her involved from time to time when I read something that reminds me of some of our past and present struggles. She helps me post replys, sometimes. Of course, some posts or replys I do not bring to her attention, and my time spent in chat is private...She understands this and accepts it. I think she does because of the things we have been through, and the direction my life is taking because of the abuse. Experiencing our ups and downs has opened her eyes to the mamonth problem of childhood sexual abuse and the effects people from all over suffer because of it. It has been a learning experience for both of us...

Anyway, take the time you and her need...

Good luck, and I'll be hoping for the best.

Your friend,

Huck


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#75512 - 11/10/02 07:28 PM Re: I'll off for a while...
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Huck
I think there's a lesson there for a good many of us.

thanks for the reminder.
Lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#75513 - 11/11/02 12:55 PM Re: I'll off for a while...
SoCalJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
Marc,

Wishing you the best as you work your way through this, know that you will be in our thoughts and we will be here to greet you warmly when you do have time to visit.

Hugs,

John

_________________________
I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

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