Newest Members
Lumpy, squeekinby, rhyoung, Jefferson22, OxfordArms
12369 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
aleja (40), bc22 (47), DavidMI (40), Forrest_Gump (39), Jay1946 (68), Malc4 (29), mpm01 (49), widpaulman (43)
Who's Online
3 registered (Bluedogone, 2 invisible), 14 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12369 Members
74 Forums
63575 Topics
444168 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 2 of 4 < 1 2 3 4 >
Topic Options
#7533 - 04/21/03 10:47 PM Re: Sexual dreams???
ecb Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 205
I almost never remember my dreams. I can recall sometimes waking up in the middle of the night extremely sad or scared or angry, but try as I might, I can never remember why.

On a few occasions I will wake up swinging even if no one is near me or actually touching me. (I often attack if someone touches me or is really close to me while I am sleeping.)

Aside from one drem when I was about 12, I can't recall any kind of sexual dreams any more than my other dreams.

I'm not sure if this is helpful or not (or even relevent), but its about all that I have to contribute to this discussion. \:\)

Eric


Top
#7534 - 04/21/03 11:25 PM Re: Sexual dreams???
Richard Gartner, PhD Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/20/00
Posts: 404
Loc: New York, NY, USA
Everybody dreams, but there are some people who usually recall their dreams and others who usually don't. This comes from cognitive style as well as other issues. Obviously, people who don't recall most dreams also don't recall sexual dreams. So it is quite possible to be "normal" (that idiotic word!) and never recall sexual dreams.

But I think some of you guys are also talking about dreams that in some way evoke, recall, and perhaps start to work through the trauma of sexual violation. That is why they are so scary and violent. And actually they often are not really sexual dreams in any true sense. They are about violation, trauma, betrayal, and being overpowered, not about sex at all. Having htese dreams is obviously very disturbing, but they may be the psyche's way of healing from trauma.

Ken makes a good point that these dreams are quite different from wet dreams, in which nocturnal emissions occur because there has been no sexual outlet for some time.

_________________________
www.richardgartner.com

Top
#7535 - 04/22/03 12:27 AM Re: Sexual dreams???
Sleepy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/08/02
Posts: 288
Loc: Arizona, USA
Thanks Ken, Richard, and everyone else.

This was something that had been puzzling me since I left his office. The way the psychiatrist looked at me after I said I've never had any sexual dreams made me feel a little strange. The guy is okay but I wouldn't use him as my everyday therapist. He can give me my meds and that's what I need him for.

Dreams do seem to be a very strange thing. The very few dreams I do remember certainly make no sense to me. It's like they're some type of independant thought going on in my head. So it would follow that any other types of dreams, or sexual dreams, would be a mystry as well.

SP,
I've never had a wet dream. I think that's because at too young of an age I was giving myself a sexual outlet. It's like I was taking a "bullet out of the chamber," if you know what I mean.

And fortunatly I've never had a night terror, but I feel for those who have. It must me a hellish experience.

Richard,
I understand the idiocy of using the word "normal." It seemed like the easiest way of making my point but I completely understand the subjective nature of the word.

Thanks guys,
Mike

_________________________
"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."
--Ursula K. Le Guin

"Mental health is a commitment to reality at all times."
--M. Scott Peck

Top
#7536 - 04/22/03 06:43 AM Re: Sexual dreams???
zadok1 Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/02
Posts: 188
Loc: Ohio
Dreams were a curse to me when I was young. Still are, I reckon. I have never slept well, so I tend to remember a lot of mine, especially the more vivid ones. In sleep the mind is freed from the confines morality and society place on us, freed to roam where it chooses. My mind tends to wander into some pretty strange areas sometimes, and those have at points in life inspired me to not so great things. I have cursed my dreams for it, and my sick mind for cooking them up. It was all another cog in the wheels that drove my esteem into the ditch, and made me feel Ďabnormalí and perverted. After the abuse, I sexualized everything and everyone, so I guess I shouldnít have been surprised that sex claimed my dreams as well.

I have seen both sides, and I wouldnít want to be on the other end either, where sex is beyond a person. I know of those who cannot be intimate for fear that goes deeper than words. I can understand they are reacting to sexual trauma by being non-sexual, just as I have been hyper-sexual. The pain is no less there either. I figure dreams convey life to an extent. What is important to us in life becomes expressed while we sleep. If sex is something you canít enjoy, I suppose you wouldnít dream of it much.

A final thought I had was that in life we all are seeking this thing called NORMAL. It is a search that we will never put an end to, because it doesnít exist. NORMAL is a figment of our own imagination; we create it just like we create dreams. We draw on lifeís lessons, and forge this ideal world that no one actually lives in, and then judge ourselves when we fail to get there. I wish that I could recapture the years I wasted beating myself up trying to get there. I wish I had stopped searching long before now.

In reality normal is exactly who and what you are now. It is different for every person, because everyone draws on life differently. If you donít have sex dreams, well then you donít. You are who life has made you, and you are perfectly normal for who and what you are.

take care of yourself
jeff

_________________________
The world is a dangerous place, not because of those that are evil, but because of those who do nothing about them- Albert Einstein

Top
#7537 - 04/22/03 10:51 AM Re: Sexual dreams???
Sleepy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/08/02
Posts: 288
Loc: Arizona, USA
Jeff,
That was an absolutly wonderful post. I think we all beat ourselves up because we don't view ourselves as normal. But it seems like this road to recovery is about accepting ourselves for who we are and that is what is important.

This whole "normalcy" issue almost deserves it's own separate thread. It's a big issue, at least for me.
Thanks,
Mike

_________________________
"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."
--Ursula K. Le Guin

"Mental health is a commitment to reality at all times."
--M. Scott Peck

Top
#7538 - 04/22/03 11:57 AM Re: Sexual dreams???
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Here is a recent thread related to dreams, including a post in which I provide links to further threads:

http://www.malesurvivor.org/cgi-local/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=001747#000001

MikeSleepy:

As to normalcy, by all means start the thread if you want. Could be a very interesting & enlightening discussion. \:\)

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

Top
#7539 - 04/22/03 06:14 PM Re: Sexual dreams???
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Normal ???? of course I'm normal....... \:D \:D \:D \:D

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

Top
#7540 - 04/22/03 06:21 PM Re: Sexual dreams???
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Jeff

Quote:
In reality normal is exactly who and what you are now. It is different for every person, because everyone draws on life differently. If you donít have sex dreams, well then you donít. You are who life has made you, and you are perfectly normal for who and what you are.
To be a bit more serious than my last post, that's the 'grinning fool' in me, what you write here is the truth, one persons normality is someone elses insanity.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

Top
#7541 - 04/22/03 07:09 PM Re: Sexual dreams???
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Or as Paul Simon puts it, "One Man's Ceiling Is Another Man's Floor":

PAUL SIMON


One Man's Ceiling Is Another Man's Floor
Words & music by Paul Simon

There's been some hard feelings here
About some words that were said
Been some hard feelings here
And what is more
There's been a bloody purple nose
And some bloody purple clothes
That were messing up the lobby floor
It's just apartment house rules
So all you 'partment fools
Remember: one man's ceiling is another man's floor!
One man's ceiling is another man's floor


There's been some strange goin's on
And some folks have come and gone
Like the elevator man don't work no more
I heard a racket in the hall
And I thought I heard a call
But I never opened up my door
It's just apartment house sense
It's like apartment rents
Remember: one man's ceiling is another man's floor!
one man's ceiling is another man's floor!


There's an alley
in the back of my building
Where some people congregate in shame
I was walking with my dog
And the night was black with smog
When I thought I heard somebody
Call my name

Ah-- Remember: one man's ceiling is another man's floor!
one man's ceiling is another man's floor!

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

Top
#7542 - 04/22/03 08:37 PM Re: Sexual dreams???
Les_Angry Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/06/02
Posts: 195
I don't know about my dreams, but I also used to wake up ready to fight. For me waking up used to enatail a very violent urgency to get to my feet. Kind of the way someone would get out of bed if the house was on fire. I used to scare the crap out of my three roommates my freshman year of college. Maybe it had something to do with my bedwetting which happened every day until I was in 7th grade, then on and off till I was 15 when it finally stopped.

Peace
MO Healing


Top
Page 2 of 4 < 1 2 3 4 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.