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#7523 - 04/21/03 12:58 AM Sexual dreams???
Sleepy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/08/02
Posts: 288
Loc: Arizona, USA
I have a question that has been puzzling me lately and this is the easiest and fast way for me to get some feedback. Last week I went to my p-doc and he asked me to describe any sexual dreams that I've ever had. The only problem is that I've never had any sexual dreams, or rather it has been a long, long time since I've had one. And I certainly can't remember those. He thought that was very strange but we didn't speak anything at length about it. However this has been on my mind since I left his office. I'm just a little curious what to make of this. I've been very sexually withdrawn anyway, but it makes me raise the question of what is "normal" (Normal being someone who never experienced any premature sexual activity). I know that everyone here might not come from a "normal" childhood but any thoughts? Ken, what do you think?
Thanks,
Mike

_________________________
"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."
--Ursula K. Le Guin

"Mental health is a commitment to reality at all times."
--M. Scott Peck

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#7524 - 04/21/03 01:05 AM Re: Sexual dreams???
Sick Puppy Offline
Member

Registered: 03/30/03
Posts: 300
Loc: Nowhere Land
As far as I understand it, it's pretty normal for "normal" guys to have sexual dreams, especially if they have not had sex in a while and are wanting it... but I really haven't had many of these. Most of my dreams that involve sex are nightmares. I mostly have nightmares anyway, but the good dreams I have don't usually involve sex...

I think I could count all the "wet dreams" I have had in my life on the fingers of one hand. No idea if this is normal or not. I know that for some guys it is normal to have a lot of them, but I don't know how far back the range of normal extends...

_________________________
And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly
From the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see


Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

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#7525 - 04/21/03 11:51 AM Re: Sexual dreams???
michaelb Offline
Member

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 211
Loc: cincinnati, ohio
I fully agree with sick.....i know from personal experience that i have very few sexual dreams unless they are nightmares or night terrors....even in those dreams i do not see sex organs.....usually the people in those dreams are mutilated or anihilated because they engage in sex.....

The only time i have ever seen a sex organ in a dream began orcurring back in december...it was a big penis which i was forced to orally service before i was raped........this reoccurring dream made me so distraught that i went to a gun shop to purchase a gun to blow my brains out....that fact slipped(?????) out during a therapy session and i was hospitalized....the psychiatrist there told me that the dream was very likely a flashback of memory.....i had thought i was only abused when i was very little and again at 15....but in this dream i was 11 or 12....then i remembered the motorcycle ride with my uncle when i was that age....how when we got back to my grandmother's they all questioned why we had been gone so long, but to me it seemed like we were only gone several minutes....i remember his rage with me because i was fighting him on the motorcycle, not leaning the way you are supposed to and it was causing him trouble with controlling the cycle.....i remember seeing the anger in his beautiful blue eyes and the anger in his voice, i had seen those things before....but it had been a long time....after he did what i guess he did, i had to get back on the motorcycle and ride home with him, cluthing him, the person that had just brutally raped me, i had to hold on for dear life (i so wish i had been brave enough to just let go and forced us to wreck).....when we got back, my aunt and grandmother were standing by the road waiting for us, they were very worried because we had been gone for such a long time????.....i went upstairs and hid until my aunt and uncle left......how did i become so oblivious to this????? i have always been TERRIFIED of motorcycles ever since....i see one and i get shivers and think of that day.....but i did not recall the sex, him chasing me and catching me and forcing me onto the ground.....but now, after the dreams it is like i can feel his hand on my shoulder catching me and forcing me down......I HAVE REMEMBERED THE EXTREME FEAR forever....i just misplaced the fear to the motorcycle and not my uncle.....I'D so much wish i was just horrified by the motorcycle....WHY CAN'T THAT BE THE TRUTH??????


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#7526 - 04/21/03 12:05 PM Re: Sexual dreams???
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
MIke you are right there are just one hell of a lot of Mikes here.

Anyway the only dreams I have ever had regarding sex is nightmares in which I was either watching myself being tortured and raped or actually me having it done to me. I dont remember sex organs but I do remember instruments of torture. I guess because that was part of my addiction.

These have now faded. I guess I was lucky because I was totally aware all the time about my abuse and my prostitution. I only started having nightmares when I sought help in healing and when I realized that it has influenced me all my life.

They have faded to almost gone now and I look at it as my mind actually throwing out all the shit my subconscious had accumulated over the years.

I have thoguth long and hard about whether I was abused as a child when I was beaten and cannot remember a single instance. To be honest if it did happen I dont want to know because I find it easier to handle the physical abuse.

Wet dreams I have had but cant remember what the dream was about. Good dreams have never involved sex.

I think everyone is different when it comes to this issue. Personally I think that dreams are much worse for the younger brothers here who are maybe remembering the recent past. But I cannot be sure unless they step forward and talk about it.

Just remember Mike you are unique and that is what makes you you.

Hope this helps

P.S. Continue doing what you are doing. Your posts are a great help to others and I am proud to call you a brother of the Pack
Mike

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHWWWWWOOOOOOOOO

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#7527 - 04/21/03 12:36 PM Re: Sexual dreams???
Sick Puppy Offline
Member

Registered: 03/30/03
Posts: 300
Loc: Nowhere Land
Mike B, it is an interesting point you bring up... I think a lot of times we misplace our fears onto objects involved in a situation of abuse/trauma and those objects become triggers or things to fear. Perhaps this is psychologically easier than fearing the actual act or person? I'm not sure. I have a fear of motorcycles, too, but it isn't abuse-related... rather, I saw a very bad motorcycle accident when I was young, where the rider's leg had actually been severed and was lying in the road. I suppose this is a form of trauma that taught me motorcycles were to fear.

I do have the same sorts of associations with objects, though. This probably sounds silly but I fear oatmeal cookies. I can't eat them at all and even looking at one (if it is recognizably oatmeal) makes me nervous. One of the "repeat customers" when I was young would always give me oatmeal cookies after the abuse... I suppose he felt guilty or sorry for what he would do to me, so he wanted to give me a gift. Now I associate oatmeal cookies with abuse. The same thing has happened with showers.

Dreams can also bring these sort of things to light if we don't know why we fear an object. For as long as I can remember I have had a terrible fear of deep/dark water and I hadn't the slightest idea why. Recently I had a dream that brought some things to light and I remembered a time when I was young where I drifted far out in the ocean on a raft and nearly drowned. I doubt I would have remembered this if it weren't for the dream, and I think this is the source of my fear.

Sorry to get so off-topic, but I could relate with Mike B here about the dreams.

(Yes, we do seem to have a lot of Mikes here! We have a lot of Daves and Davids as well. :p )

_________________________
And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly
From the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see


Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

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#7528 - 04/21/03 01:29 PM Re: Sexual dreams???
michaelb Offline
Member

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 211
Loc: cincinnati, ohio
OCCURING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate typos.....my imperfection showing through that i cannot tolerate.....


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#7529 - 04/21/03 01:36 PM Re: Sexual dreams???
michaelb Offline
Member

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 211
Loc: cincinnati, ohio
ANOTHER MISTAKE....OCCURRING!!!!!!!!........i'm ready to hurt myself, do not laugh, sometimes i really feel that bad about my imperfections....

but in this case, it is a joke.....well kind of???? sorry....damn i say that alot.......
michael


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#7530 - 04/21/03 02:25 PM Re: Sexual dreams???
RJD Offline
Member

Registered: 02/18/01
Posts: 326
Loc: jefferson City, Mo,usa
I hear your pain and anger michaelb, I invite you to please be gentle with yourself...---RJD


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#7531 - 04/21/03 04:38 PM Re: Sexual dreams???
Tom S. Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/03
Posts: 161
Loc: Nashville, Tn
The vast majority of what we dream never makes it to our conscience mind, and what actually does make it to the light of day is almost never remembered much longer than a day or so, because it can be funny or bizarre; unless it is something that is re-occuring and traumatizing, and this can be linked to triggered flashbacks which is something else. Dreams are just that, dreams.
Sleep is a time of rest for body and mind, and dreams are a means of freshening up your mind while your body is resting, much like when the hard drive on your computer is de-fragged {I think it's jargon for defragmenting something} or whatever they do to clean up it's little file brain for a fresh start.
I can say however, that once I had an expierence one night, figuring out a problem that had been plaguing me for days with a transmission I had been working on. I don't think I had actually fallen into deep or what's known as REM sleep however; it was much earlier in the night. But I was able to actually see the problem right after I closed my eyes and all the stress of the day was gone and I was about to doze off into sleep. I can recall that personal experience nearly 25 years ago very well today, but traumatic dreams that woke me and my wife up in the middle of the night that occurred during that same time period, I can not recall in any sort of detail.
One nice ability God gave us along with the ability of thought and reasoning is the ability to forget. I'd have to ask p-doc to be a little more specific about exactly what information he is seeking.
Hmmm....this makes me think, maybe I need to go pour a good cool sasparila, close my eyes and de-fragg for a while.
Tom S.

_________________________
' None are so enslaved as those falsely led to believe they are actually free '

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#7532 - 04/21/03 09:48 PM Re: Sexual dreams???
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5778
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
I'm not big on dreams. Don't know much about their significance and didn't do any specific training in analyzing them. While they may be significant or noteworthy, I just don't know enough to comment here, despite the invite to do so. I've asked Richard Gartner and Murray Schane to respond, so maybe they have some opinion.

My only thought is that if one is sexually inactive for a considerable time (no definite time period), one is more likely to have a "wet dream"/nocturnal emission than just a sexual dream. Just saying that one should differentiate between a sexual dream and one that leads to ejaculation.

Ken


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