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#75163 - 10/31/05 06:38 AM Any of you saw Capturing the Friedmans?
Donald D'Haene Offline
Member

Registered: 04/11/04
Posts: 68
Loc: London
I'll be as upfront as this documentary filmmaker was in his story telling: I'm a survivor of eleven years of sexual abuse at the hands of my father. My 3 siblings also were abused as were other children. How do I know? Besides them telling me, I often witnessed the incidents. Not all serio-peodophiles are the stuff of witch-hunt hysteria, but trust me they’d sure like you to believe that was the case.
I state that now because the filmmaker gives the audience the most important information first as well: this father Friedman, he loved his child porn. You don't need to be Sherlock to figure out what comes next.
Or maybe you do. I didn’t because being up close and personal with a molester for the first 15 years of my life, I have a radar for such things.
I had heard about this supposedly controversial movie for a while now but did not seek it out. I just happened tonight to come upon it on a specialty movie channel here in Canada.
I think this documentary is a movie first, documentary second using real life persons - some of whom can act better then others. Hmm. Art imitating life?
And what a window it is into the life of one peodophile’s family.
As soon as we discover father Friedman has ordered one child porn mag, you have to be pretty naïve to believe it was his first. And yes, we soon learn he had a stack of kiddie mags. Then, as you discover this award-winning teacher gets excited about little boys, who couldn’t put two and two together and think he just might be a risk to his students and had been to his 3 sons? Oh, we do learn he only did “one kid.” Then it’s two. But they weren’t his students. Earlier it was only one mag and no children. Oh really? One or two -- they were somebody’s children!
What parent wouldn’t have alarm bells go off when they discover their teacher is REALLY into their kids? The hysteria that ensues I would think would be less criminal than the fact that this teacher has kiddie porn, has molested and might molest one or more of these students.
Watching this film is like watching a window into an episode of my family soap-opera. The mother is cast as the villain; the father is the talented victim/”peodophile, yes, but he didn’t do his students!”; the three sons are the entertaining drama-making by-standers.
In my family there were also 3 sons, but with a sister. Our mother was naïve, yet devoted; our father, unlike father Friedman was not lovable or quiet, but was when it came to anything to do with our abuse. Over 30 people found out about our abuse and his silent admission had him sail through unscathed until I finally went to a detective in 1981 when I was 20!!
Capturing The Friedmans is a horror movie. The quiet father who loved kiddie porn and molested by his own admittance at the very least two kids is completely responsible for the travesty that befalls his family and community. The “evidence” as portrayed in the film leads the viewer to believe that witch-hunt hysteria of the community destroyed one peodophile’s family.
While it is a travesty that anyone (investigators and or/parents) would mislead children to wrongly testify, a devil’s advocate could suggest that the community’s reaction opened pandora’s box. Did the community have the right to know their student’s teacher loved child pornography and had a sexual interest in children?

Again, what amazes me is that people can state, “only two kids”.
The “one” neighbourhood boy my father molested in my presence “only one time”, I happened to report to police a decade after the incident. I met this brave now man who supported us, years after the incident, at the preliminary hearing. It took all his strength to come forward, be at the court house, be in the presence of his one-time molester. He looked like the raped young soul of a decade earlier.
No, there is no such a thing as just one incident, one victim. Once is too much!
Capturing The Friedmans suggests that a village destroyed one boy in particular [the youngest son was co-accused with the Father of molesting several students, and in a plea-bargain to avoid possible life-time incarceration, admitted his father had molested him]. This is one case where the sins of the father fell on the son and if this film leaves a viewer with the notion that anyone or anything was the primary destroyer other that the peodophile father, then I’d re-catergorize it as fantasy – documentary.

_________________________
Donald D'Haene
http://www.fatherstouch.com

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#75164 - 10/31/05 12:27 PM Re: Any of you saw Capturing the Friedmans?
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
***triggers***

Donald,

I so hear your frustration and anger at this film. I am a survivor of 4 years of abuse (age 11-14) by a Scout leader/church elder, and sometimes I wonder should I even bother watching films on this subject. They are often heavily triggering and I cringe at some of the stereotypes and outdated ideas they transmit.

I agree 100% with your reaction to the observation of well, okay, but it was only one or two:

Quote:
Oh really? One or two -- they were somebody’s children!
What are they thinking? Is there a "little boy" season? So...let me guess...it's okay so long as you only hunt your limit?

Take care,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#75165 - 10/31/05 03:43 PM Re: Any of you saw Capturing the Friedmans?
Donald D'Haene Offline
Member

Registered: 04/11/04
Posts: 68
Loc: London
Larry, I'm with you on this! When I first found a book on incest, I read it and everything else I could get my hands on...trigger happy, I guess...now I only watch or read material when I know I can handle it. I think this film should be studied...it's like eavesdropping on a paedophile, but also very important for law enforcement, teachers, parents, and victims/survivors.
Thanks for your response. take care,

Donald Ps. You live in Germany..I was in Berlin in '93...beautiful city!

_________________________
Donald D'Haene
http://www.fatherstouch.com

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#75166 - 10/31/05 07:01 PM Re: Any of you saw Capturing the Friedmans?
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Donald,

Another one that comes to mind is that film "Sleepers", supposedly a true story about four boys abused in an upstate-New York juvenile detention center. As a piece of cinema okay, but it's message on CSA is that there is no recovery (I posted on this awhile back).

Two of the boys grow up to be criminals and are dead before they are 30, and the other two are lonely figures condemned to fear and solitude. There are no positive alternatives to help them face what happened, and their only recourse is to conspire together to destroy the lives of their perps. But at the end the two surviving guys are still condemned to unhappiness.

Not exactly the message I see here!

Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#75167 - 11/02/05 02:32 AM Re: Any of you saw Capturing the Friedmans?
Rustam Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/04
Posts: 470
Loc: UK
Its quite some time since I watched this film, I saw it in the cinema and it left me with lots of questions, its very dense with so many contradictory points of view. I watched the dvd later which has added footage and extra details that were well worth seeing, though it didn’t make things any clearer as to what happened/didn’t happen. I thought this was an extraordinary film that gave a great insight into a family with a paedophile father. Anyway I was gripped by it, I found it disturbing/unsettling but not triggering.
Peter.


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#75168 - 11/03/05 12:21 AM Re: Any of you saw Capturing the Friedmans?
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Donald
as usual you cut through the crap and make a bold statement, and one that needs to be made. There is NO league table of abuse, one incident is enough to imprint all manner of dysfunctional thinking upon a young persons impresionable mind. We know that from our own experiences.

I haven't yet seen this film, but it's one I will make an effort to get on DVD. The critics I trust all praise it for it's honesty.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#75170 - 11/27/05 10:26 PM Re: Any of you saw Capturing the Friedmans?
Donald D'Haene Offline
Member

Registered: 04/11/04
Posts: 68
Loc: London
Larry, Peter, Dave and Jake...thanks for your comments on this thread...you'll be interested to know that I sent my review to the Friedman son (Jesse, who is out of jail now) and this is his response:


Dear Donald,

Jai Ma.


I’m sorry it has taken me so long to reply to your e-mail. I've been overwhelmed the past few weeks. My girlfriend and I are doing the official "moving in together" and as you can imagine there is much to do, packing, and unpacking, as well as anxiety what with such a big life-change for both of us. Otherwise...





Thank you so much for writing. The expressions of support are most sincerely appreciated. For too many years people said the most horrible things about me and to me. Each and every expression of support helps heal, if only just a tiny bit, some of the hurt and pain. So, thank you for writing. I am glad you had the opportunity to see Capturing the Friedmans.




Thanks for sharing with me about your Amazon.com review. I've read more Capturing the Friedmans reviews than (I'm sure) anyone else alive. :-D




As you know my core supporters are trying to raise funds to continue paying for my legal bills. It is wonderful that the National Center for Reason and Justice is sponsoring my defense fund.



I am hopeful about the future, but then I've always been hopeful about the future. My life is by far "fixed" or made whole. It was not an easy journey but it was a rewarding one. There are still a great many weights I am forced to carry. From where I am sitting the view from my window is much nicer today than it was three years ago, so I try not to complain that much. I am trying to learn how to be happy for the first time in my life. I try staying focused on that, and not let life because too oppressive. Thanks for your support.




Something to consider: Remember, there are two million people behind bars on any given day in this country. The vast majority of those people are dejected, rejected, and forgotten. When people write to me, I always trying to encourage them in response, to consider those much less fortunate than myself, and consider writing to someone in prison. This is a Website with links to prisoners who are deserving of support. http://users.rcn.com/kyp/prisaddr.html. I consider it an act of kindness toward me from those who take that extra step and do something nice for someone else.



Feel free to stay in touch.
Fondly, ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­
Jesse

Then I asked: 'does a firm perswation that a thing is so, make it so?' -- William Blake
If you have faith as small as a mustard seed you can say to this mountain 'move' and it will move - Matthew 17:20


http://www.friedmandefensefund.org

_________________________
Donald D'Haene
http://www.fatherstouch.com

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