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#74635 - 04/04/01 06:12 PM Music survivors can relate to
Mark C Offline
Member

Registered: 03/21/01
Posts: 39
Loc: New Jersey, USA
I was wondering if anyone would mind sharing the title and singer of songs they feel they can relate to as a SURVIVOR. If you wish please feel free to share why or how you can relate to this music.

A song I regularly listen to is "I'll Stand by You" sung by the PRETENDERS. To me it talks about ones experience with depression, pain, feeling alone and confusion, and the support given by a friend, partner or spouse. There are many other titles but it kind of depends on the mood I am in. Thanks for taking the time to respond....Mark


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#74636 - 04/04/01 07:21 PM Re: Music survivors can relate to
jwh Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/18/01
Posts: 98
Loc: dallas, tx
Mark,

Definitely "I'll Stand by You"--that song has always had the ability to bring me to tears, esp. the line "Even if you're wrong, I'll stand by you".

Hear are some other favorites of mine with excerpts and/or explanations:

The most recent one is the popular single "Torn" by Natalie Imbruglia with its chorus "Nothing's fine I'm torn/I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel/I'm cold and I am shamed, lying naked on the floor/Illusion never changed into something real/I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn/You're a little late, I'm already torn . . ."

"Luka" by Suzanne Vega (from "Solitude Standing": "If you hear something late at night/some kind of trouble some kind of fight/just don't ask me what it was/just don't ask me what it was/I think it's 'cause I'm clumsy/I try not to talk too loud/maybe it's because I'm crazy/I try not to act too proud/they only hit until you cry/after that you don't ask why/you just don't argue anymore/you just don't argue anymore . . ."

"Love's Recovery" by the Indigo Girls (from "Indigo Girls"): "During the time of which I speak it was hard to turn the other cheek to the blows of insecurity/feeding the cancer of my intellect the blood of love soon neglected/lay dying in the strength of its impurity . . . and we sit here in our storm and drink a toast to the slim chance of love's recovery";
"Leeds" by the Indigo Girls (from "Shaming of the Sun"): "I crave inertia every move made so that I can stop/whatever this madness is in me spinning like a top/ on a bed of anxiety over a deep dark drop/down into nothingness, into without you-ness . . . hold my head, love, I'm sick tonight/find the open hole and press your fingers there with all your might/until the last ounce of my spirit bleeds onto the pristine sheets of the hotel bed in Leeds"; many more from the Indigo Girls, let me quote one more, "Strange Fire" (from "Strange Fire"): "When you learn to love yourself, you will dissolve all the stones that are cast/now you will learn to burn the icing sky and melt the waxen mask/to have the gift of true release is the peace that will take you higher/I've come to you with my offering/I bring you strange fire";

"Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler, which I hear as an abused person's cry of desperate, hopeless love for their abuser, with its refrain of "Once upon a time I was falling in love but now I'm only falling apart/there's nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart/Once upon a time there was light in my life, but now there's only love in the dark/nothing I can say, a total eclipse of the heart";

"The Wrong Child" by REM from "Green"): "Hey, hey those kids are looking at me, I told my friend, myself, those kids are looking at me, they're laughing and they're running over here . . . what do I do what should I do what do I say, what can I say, I said I'm not supposed to be like this / let's try to find a happy game to play / I know I'm not supposed to be like this / but it's okay, okay?"

on a darker note, the entire first CD by Korn (self-titled), esp. "Faget": "You can suck my dick and fucking like it!!! / "All my life who am I??? All my life who am I??? I'm just a faggot! I'm just a faggot! I'm not a faggot I'm not a faggot!"
and "Daddy": "I scream! (no one hears me)/ It hurt! (not a lot) my God! (saw you watching) mommy why???????!!!!! (this song trails off with the lead singer screaming at his abuser things such as "I fuckin' hate you! You fucking ruined my life!" in a tortured voice.

and let's not forget Nine Inch Nails, a band that could be dangerous to get lost in, but, in "Pretty Hate Machine" (my favorite) as well as other releases put some songs that describe the abusive relationship perfectly, as in "Head Like a Hole," "Terrible Lie" and, to me the darkest, most haunting track by the band, "Something I Can Never Have" with its lines "In this place it seems like such a shame/though it all looks different now I know it's still the same/ everywhere I look you're all I see/just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be/come on, tell me!/you make this ALL go away . . . I just want something I can never have."

and finally, the entire CD "The Final Cut" by Pink Floyd, with songs such as "Paranoid Eyes" containing the lines "Button your lip and don't let the shield slip / Take a fresh grip on your bullet proof mask / And if they try to break down your disguise with their questions / You can hide, hide, hide behind paranoid eyes" and "The Final Cut" with its lines "and if i show you my dark side/will you still hold me tonight?/and if i open my heart to you/and show you my weak side/what would you do?"

Well, this is probably the longest reply I have ever made to a post, but honestly, music has been my refuge since I was very young, and I have unconsciously (until the last eight months) sought out songs describing the feelings of abuse.

Jeff

_________________________
"I've been waiting for a guide to come and take me by the hand... Could these sensations make me feel the pleasures of a normal man?"--Ian Curtis, Joy Division

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#74637 - 04/04/01 07:41 PM Re: Music survivors can relate to
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
There is a dicussion group for music for survivors, check down farther. There are a couple of entries that are a little older.

There is a lot of music, I will look through my CDs.

Time after time, from the 40 or 50 it makes me cry sometimes I will look up the composer.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#74638 - 04/05/01 09:04 PM Re: Music survivors can relate to
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
I like show tunes. I also like the above listed music. I like most music, country, i like some. It is the words, feelings, that relate to the abuse that counts. Sometimes a song hits me right in the face, and I gain something from it. sometimes it is a memory from times before the abuse. Gorgie Girl is a good example of a song I liked before I was abused.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#74639 - 04/06/01 07:54 AM Re: Music survivors can relate to
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
I just listened to the song "Father of mine" by Everclear, Oh god. I have never cried so hard, too close to reality. My father was kicked out when I was 2, beat my mother and sister, he used to come pick me up and always had fun with him, but when I turned 6 he never picked me up on Christmas (havent heard from him since) and my stepfather and grandfather sexually abused me. It's scary how true the song is (the lines).... I will never be saine, i will never be saine, I will always be weird inside, i will always be lame.

I see my father around town, but he does not recognize me, thats got to be more painful than anything else.

I have 2 year old daughter and like the song says, "I swear I'm not gonna let her know the pain I have known"

The worst part is I dont know how to be a father, Im scared


[This message has been edited by pain4ever (edited 04-06-2001).]

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#74640 - 04/06/01 01:06 PM Re: Music survivors can relate to
Executioner1832 Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/01
Posts: 15
Loc: Big Wells, Texas, United State...
Call me wierd but... Suicide Alley by Shawn Colvin sort of helped me out. It goes sort of like...

"Suicide Alley is callin' you thought you were dreaming, you could wake up dead
and you'll never know what's real.
All this damage is runnin' loose in your head and it really matters to me.
Oh no baby don't go walkin' down Suicide Alley"

As I said.... I am wierd. Have a good one..
Brandon


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#74641 - 04/06/01 02:00 PM Re: Music survivors can relate to
Broken Offline
Member

Registered: 03/25/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Huntingtun Beach, CA, US
I don't really think there is any sort of universal music survivors look for, because were people, and different people people have diffent tastes and needs.

I mostly like strong angry music, like heavy metal and hard grunge, but not just screaming crap with no feeling. Some Iron Maiden, Metallica, Black Sabbath, Alice in Chains, that sort of thing. It makes you feel kinda like you have a right to strike at those that hurt you, and to be angry and primal without feeling guilty.

Sometimes i like stuff that is less angry, but more like defiant or free, like Bob Marley, Jimmy Hendrix, Led Zepplin, Tom Petty a few things by Neil Young, mostly rock from the 60's and 70's. If hard rock makes you feel strong, then this kind of thing can make you feel indominitable, if your in the right mood.

And if your really feeling low, theres always music that seems like it was made from the darkest pitts of the human soul. Sometimes your better off not listening to it, but other times it lets you draw strength from places you normally can't, and most people think your not allowed. Nirvana, Korn, Marilyn Manson (Yeah i know, but he does have some good music), The Alice In Chains self titled album, and some of that stuff floating around on the radio recently is pretty good for that.

I guess if you don't really like rock, some classical symphanies can inspire the same feelings, but i don't really know who does what there.

If nothing else, just listen to something to put you in a good mood, like sublime, Marley again, Led zepplin again too, generic 80s rock or any other pop type music you like to listen to is good, but pop music is too damn diverse to start listing off bands.

Hope that helps. Later.

PS i think i'm going to Ozfest this year, so if anyone else is going, let me know, maybe i'll see you there.


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#74642 - 04/08/01 12:27 AM Re: Music survivors can relate to
matt Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/13/00
Posts: 23
Loc: Perth, Australia
I find "forgiven not forgotten" by the Corrs really relatable for me...


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#74643 - 04/08/01 05:57 PM Re: Music survivors can relate to
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
Kenny Loggins-Pooh Corner - I like this song very much, pure imagination from the movie willie wonka, When you wish upon a star. These evoke a time before the abuse, a time of inocents.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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