Your post has brought me to tears. I am profoundly touched for having read it. Thank you. Sharing your pain lessens my own somehow.

Hang on to that girl, she is a real find. Don't ever stop talking to her, even if you can talk to noone else. You are blessed to have someone like her to help you.

God bless you and keep you Zach.

Rob

Firstly, I have not read all of this, but we each have anger, I hate exploding with rage, but people do not like it when I do.

It is not that I like to do it, because it hurts me to do it. Most of my anger was dealt with over the years through positive dispersal.

This place is here for us to help each other. It is not a clique, friedships are built on trust and trust alone. The second that trust is broken, is the end of trusting.

Hey, I have been that way since 10yo, some here have dealt with it in earlier years, and through much more broken and twisted childhoods, that I could never in my wildest dreams come to terms with.

Why hurt them in the first place? I cant even think of the hurt they young guys go through, because I only know my own hurt, and what I read here.

What is it like for them here, when they are amongst adults? The same as adults who brutally hurt their bodies and minds.

They want to be part of a group that can scorn them and mock them. I think not.

I learned to get some trust back, simply by finding this place, and finding a great group of guys who show empathy through their own hurt.

These guys are here to understand deeply held feelings that happened when nobody was there to share the burden of grief as defenceless children.

Yhat is what this place is built on, and nothing else. If you bear that in mind, then you are someway along the road of making friends.

ste

Man, I feel for you on the DID. They're parts that protected us, and even now they think they need to. But as you're finding, we don't need those parts so much anymore. I had voices over the weekend, but then I made a huge step in distancing myself from my family, and now the voices and the dreams have faded again.

For me, what helped was to let those voices speak in a safe place, with my therapist so he could speak directly to the parts yet keep me safe. I used to have times where I'd find myself swinging on swings in a park several blocks from my house or worse, speaking like a child to a friend whose house I'd somehow ended up at. I really hated that. My mom says I tried to run over her with the car once. I actually think that's kind of funny, in a sick demented sort of way. My part knew better than I did.

Thank you so much for sharing what you did. My uncle was the perp who SA me. Who was it that did this to you? It takes a terrible thing to split a boy into parts. When you feel up to it, I'm here to listen to your history. And I agree. "Story" is a poor choice of words, but sometimes it's hard to find the right one to describe a lifetime of pain.

Regarding the DID, keep in mind, the memories you hold as an 'other', they will be true, from what I learned. Because the 'others', the 'alters', they do not lie, to us or others. They have no need to, right? That is how I understand it at this point. So try to trust those memories. Good luck.

Leosha

i think the thing we get really caught up in is fear of judgement. its hard to dump out all your feelings here and know that everyone is reading them. its such a veulnerable place to be. and no, not everyone is going to relate to everything you say, and we might not all have the same experiences. but what is the same are the lasting effects on all of us. we aall have shame, fear, trust issues, anger, guilt, etc. we all want to be acccepted. and the more you put yourself out there, the more youll see how accepted you are and how much people here really do care.

Hi Soccer,

I am glad to see you writing here today - it is good that you are talking...

I'm not gonna B.S. you for one second and say that last night in chat was easy for me - it was'nt - and yet I'm very glad that I stayed there for you - you needed someone to listen last night (even if you did'nt think that you did at the time) - any time you see me in chat and want to just 'talk' let me kno and we'll find a quiet place to go - as I said last night... - I'll be there for you - just as I've extended my hand to many others here...

I am glad that you can now look back at your letters post and see that the world has'nt ended - and that people don't view you diffrently because of it - talking about personal things is hard for all of us - just take it in small bits - you don't need to say it all at once... - little steps make everything easier...

Remember - trust takes time - and that's perfectly ok - it's taken me years to trust some people to the level that I do...

Take care,

TJ jeff