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#7365 - 09/01/03 07:07 PM Re: What if you really wanted to be a victim?
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Jonathan
It's telling the truth that sets us free in the end, it's the strongest thing we're ever likely to do.

I hope you keep coming here, we deal in the truth.

Dave.

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#7366 - 09/01/03 09:26 PM Re: What if you really wanted to be a victim?
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Welcome Jonathan,

I am glad you have found this place, it is a great help in dealing with our issues relating to our SA and a sense of belonging. In the same time I am sorry that you have had the terrible experiences that have brought you here.

The need and desire to be loved is a strong one and a reasonable one. It was wrong of your cousin, your uncle, and the others to exploit that and SA you. Having the desire to have love and affection does make you responsible for what they did to you. The guilt remains solely on their shoulders, not yours. You say that you know that in your head, this is one of the places to help you learn that in your heart.

As Dave says "I hope you keep coming here, we deal in the truth."

Take care my brother,

Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#7367 - 09/03/03 05:47 AM Re: What if you really wanted to be a victim?
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Ya, Jonathon, the phrase that kept buzzing through my head when I started therapy was, "they say that the truth will set you free, but no one told me that it would scare me to death."

I think that my therapist said something like, "well, it probably won't scare you to death, but it can scare you."

So, welcome to the "fright factory;" we work on scary things here...........but together......not
alone......not alone anymore.

Welcome, Jonathon, come in out of the cold and stay as long as you can. We're brothers here and we offer one another strength, courage, concern and, even some peace, when we learn to deal with our abuse and put it into some perpective where we can move ahead.

Most of us do that by helping one another, by listening to each other's stories and offering observations, insights and sometimes.......love.

What's the phrase? "We're sorry for what caused you to go looking for us, but we're happy to call you brother, now that you've found us."

One of your other brothers,

David

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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#7368 - 09/03/03 09:06 AM Re: What if you really wanted to be a victim?
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Jonathan:

Welcome to the best bunch of brothers , in the truest sense, that can be found anywhere. Here you will find only concern, compassion, trust, turth and brotherly love.

Despite what we have gone through there are even times that we can share a laugh or two. Good for the soul.

[/QUOTE] I still feel responsible for what happened, even though my head tells me otherwise.
[/QUOTE]

Sure you do. That was planted a long time ago by your perps to keep you quiet and you have done a really good job of doing just that.

It is a tough hike we are on but one that is well worth it. We are all here for each other all the time. We do our best to smooth out the dificult areas for all of us.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#7369 - 09/03/03 09:59 AM Re: What if you really wanted to be a victim?
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
Jim,
I dont think anyone wants to be abused. True each and everyone one of us (me encluded) did want what wasnt in our lives. LOVE! We didnt want to used as some kind of sick sex toy. At the ages we were how could sex be want we wanted? Is wasnt sex we wanted it was just for someone to show us the truely cared for us, to show us that we mattered in the bigger picture. I was 6 when my abuse firest happened. Both my parents were drunks and lived at the bars. My older cousins were cool. They wanted me around. They played games on the livingroom floor when it rained. They tucked me into bed at night. We laughted and ran and rode bikes. Until they showed me the price I had to pay for all that "fun". You, like me, didnt want the sex we wanted to know that another human loved us. And as a child how easyly we are scared into believing that what these sick assholes were giving us was just what we wanted.
James

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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#7370 - 09/03/03 10:29 AM Re: What if you really wanted to be a victim?
Bigmac Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/02/03
Posts: 4
Quote:
Originally posted by James:
Jim,
I dont think anyone wants to be abused. True each and everyone one of us (me encluded) did want what wasnt in our lives. LOVE! We didnt want to used as some kind of sick sex toy. At the ages we were how could sex be want we wanted? Is wasnt sex we wanted it was just for someone to show us the truely cared for us, to show us that we mattered in the bigger picture. I was 6 when my abuse firest happened. Both my parents were drunks and lived at the bars. My older cousins were cool. They wanted me around. They played games on the livingroom floor when it rained. They tucked me into bed at night. We laughted and ran and rode bikes. Until they showed me the price I had to pay for all that "fun". You, like me, didnt want the sex we wanted to know that another human loved us. And as a child how easyly we are scared into believing that what these sick assholes were giving us was just what we wanted.
James



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