Hey Guys,
I feel compelled to write this to you to see if anyone else experiences what I am going through. I have been dealing with the recovery process very aggressively and have finally come to terms with taking better care of myself inside and out, as a way of trying to focus on my problems and to be a true survivor of what happened to me at age 8.

Well, I have been gaining weight for over 5 years on a pretty regular and steady way. Now, after changing my food habits and doing yoga in the morning, my mood has shifted drastically and I feel GOOD about life and my depression is lessened by my focused attention to my physical and spiritual well-being.

Here's the hard part (may trigger) - I want to take the weight loss seriously and go to the gym. I was gaining weight as a way to detract attention from myself since I have been an easy mark for abusors/sexual harrassment because of my stature. Now that I have decided that I have to really work out to get the attention of the RIGHT kind of guys (at least I hope to) - I go to the gym and I am tempted.

As my body gets fit, I have an increased libido. I want to stay "sober" from casual sex, try to develop new hobbies to meet guys like you and me, etc. but the gym is both tempting (a guy in the locker room yesterday was showing me his stuff unsolicited by me as usual) and makes me more prone to WANT to act out.

Has anyone else had this problem? I want to be fit but I want to stay true to my boundaries (newly forming every day).

Any insight is helpful. Don't say workout at home! I am alone most of the time, so I'd like to make the gym a potential place to meet someone, but in an apropriate way. This is, I guess, the hardest part!

Thanks, guys for your help.

Happy 2005

_________________________
walker, there is no path, you make a path as you go...

(caminante, no hay camino, se hace camino al andar...)

Antonio Machado