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#7305 - 05/08/04 02:50 PM Re: Can't stop
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
You could take all those pills and maybe die. You could take all those pills and maybe not die, maybe just ruin your body some and leave your mind to know it. To do something like that, it is not a certain thing. And most important, we do not know what come after. Those who believe in God and heaven, we think we do. But I am aware that I do not know the answers. I think in order to 'escape', we should know what we are escaping to. And to kill yourself, you do not know that. I hoipe that you can continue to stay strong, and continue to seek people who can help you through the feelings. Here is a number I find while looking at sites:

The National Crisis Helpline is 1-888-284-2433 (1-888-SUICIDE).

Please use it or other, to keep safe.

Andrei


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#7306 - 05/08/04 03:02 PM Re: Can't stop
theo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/28/03
Posts: 1117
marc,
listen carefully. i was there where you are, both as a child when i made my first attempt, and as an adult who had no perceived identity or hope. i do understand what you are going through. the final answer to our journey is that it is life lived, not life lost. our perps attempted to steal something from us that no one has a right to comprimise for self or an innocent...it is the right to life lived. that encompasses far more than mere existence, marc. it encompasses the choices we make every day, the journeys we share with those around us, the laughter, the tears, the triumphs, defeats, and so much more. it is about "life lived". there is pain, yes, but there is also joy at times. this would not be a release, marc. in the end, it would result in far greater pain and isolation. i will state this in spiritual terms just as an ilustration of what i mean, not as an arbitrary judgment. each of us are really given one choice in this existence, marc, to share our life journey, or to turn away and become completely, irrrevocably isolated. with every breath, we continually choose. if the choice is to end our right to choose, it can never be changed. our perps forced us into hell (the abuse and its aftermath), we choose whether or not we want to stay there. there will never be any release if you give up your right to choose to live, marc, because your choice will be forever gone. it is not release, it is perpetual isolation. if for no other reason right now, you owe it to yourself to continue to choose to live in order to constantly renounce the evil that was done to you. you did not deserve to be treated as an animal or an object by these evil people, marc. if you try to find the false sense of release of giving up the right to live you give them the final victory. you are more than that...you are my friend, you are my brother. i need you to live, marc.

_________________________
journey well,
theo dewolfe

- It is gift, and gift will find its way
- I inherit through my choice. I build through my affirmation. It is through my freedom that I nurture, or fade into autonomy
- I was not given to serve life, but to embrace it

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#7307 - 05/08/04 03:33 PM Re: Can't stop
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Marc,

If you're here, check your PM's.

I'm waiting for you.

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#7308 - 05/08/04 04:22 PM Re: Can't stop
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Marc,

Remember there's nothing wrong and everything right about reaching for help. Use the list of resources you made to get you through this. Things are getting better and already are. Talk to your doctor. Call your T. Go to the hospital. Whatever it takes.

Take care,
Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#7309 - 05/08/04 04:28 PM Re: Can't stop
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Marc,

I have to go to work, but I NEED you to call me or someone else you care for RIGHT NOW!

I can't chat because I have to work, but I'm VERY WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

You said to me once that you couldn't stay here without me. LOSING YOU WILL BE THE ONE THING I CANNOT SURVIVE!

DO NOT DO THIS TO ME!

DO NOT DO THIS TO ME!

Please open the PM I sent you and call me. Or call a suicide prevention hotline.

DO NOT DO THIS TO ME!

SCOT

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#7310 - 05/08/04 05:09 PM Re: Can't stop
TeeJayUU Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/30/04
Posts: 262
Loc: MidWest
Marc,

You and I talked for a long time last night. I HEARD and FELT your pain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so very sorry for waht has happened to you, my friend. You know I care, you know we care! You are a special person who deserves to live! We desrve for you to live, too! We need you to share your experiences with us so that we can continue to heal as well!

Marc, remember we talked about winning and losing? You do this to yourself and not only do you lose, we lose as well, and your perps win...DO NOT LET THEM WIN! YOU ARE THE WINNER WHEN YOU CHOOSE TO LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please, please, please do not hurt yourself!

PEACE BE WITH YOU!

Call Me!

TeeJay

_________________________
"There is a plan for me, God has a Purpose, I know there is a reason that I'm ALIVE!" Cherish Grace
PEACE HOPE LOVE

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#7311 - 05/08/04 08:13 PM Re: Can't stop
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Marc - please stay the course...when I hear that one of my brothers is struggling, I feel my blood telling me that we must support each other - to really win, we must all win.

Please accept the love and support that is offered here... I need it, You need it...we all need it.

Please accept the strength that I send to you now......best wishes ...Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#7312 - 05/08/04 08:14 PM Re: Can't stop
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
Marc,
Now is not the time to give up, you have a great therapist one who knows what your going thru. She CAN HELP you, I know you think that your crazy and no one can help but they can. Your going thru a normal stage of sexual abuse and Sue can help.

If you need someone to talk to I'm here for you, I'm PMing you my contact information.

Jason

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#7313 - 05/08/04 08:49 PM Re: Can't stop
Arthur Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/29/04
Posts: 25
Loc: Florida
I have been where you are, in wishing I were dead,just 2 days ago.
My guess (based on my own experience with suicidal thoughts and desires) is that you are reconnecting to feelings long buried that you originally disconnected from because the pain was too great for you to bear. I remember that when I was being molested I went somewhere else in my mind. I still felt what he was doing to me physically and I was conscious but it's like my fears and hurt were blocked and I could look at what was happening to me like it was happening to someone else and not me. As an adult when I would tell my history of being abused to a therapist I would get feedback about how emotionally flat and detached my speaking was. I was still disconnected from the feelings I had disconnected myself from. Even after a lot of therapy and healing, I'm well enough to know that I'm still not fully connected to my feelings and that's kind of scarry to me.
One therapist of mine told me that our minds will protect us by not letting us remember things we cannot yet bear. So when we begin to remember things it means that our mind is ready to face those memories, work through them and heal them. I hope that some of this rings true for you and gives you some hope for yourself. If none of this applies to you, I'm sorry and my wish is that you would know that I care about you and want to be of help, even if it's misguided help.

Art

_________________________
Art

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#7314 - 05/09/04 12:45 PM Re: Can't stop
survive75 Offline
Member

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 304
Loc: Massachusetts
Marc... I too know exactly where you are right now. I've attempted and "failed" twice. I know that in the moment it seems the only solution to escaping that intense pain.

I will spare you the "things will get better" response because it never helped me much when I was in that suicidal place. But I will say that this band of brothers you have here... we are here for you. There is no reason to go through this alone anymore. When we lose someone here, through suicide or death, it is like losing a family member.

Please reach out. You never know what is on the other side of this pain. I think of if I had succeeded when I was 17, how I would never have experienced the life that I have. Yes, life is pain. Even after you heal a lot of the abuse wounds, it is still painful. Life is comprised of so much - love, pain, excitement, growth, depression, sadness, joy, sorrow, boredom, birth, death, independence, freedom, obligation, resentment and so very much more. To truly live, you much allow yourself to feel all of the emotional reality. It is scary and overwhelming at times. But I promise you, it is worth it.

Life is not a Hallmark card, especially for survivors. You will get through this. Lean on us through this time. We are all here for you.

-Sean

_________________________
-Sean

"Even though I know/I donít want to know/Yeah I guess I know/I just hate how it sounds"

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