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#7291 - 06/22/05 07:23 AM PARANOIA TWO
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
I did a message about Paranoia once. It was mostly about the feelings I had had on this board, and in my past life. http://malesurvivor.org/cgi-local/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=005012#000003

I recently see a need to get into this again. Ranger posted a message that was triggering to most of the people on the site. I think it reminded them of their own SA experience. At least one person sent Ranger a PM, that ether he had to leave or they would. I think that fails under Paranoia reactions. So Ranger left. A lot of people replied to Rangers goodbye message, I think some of them fail under Paranoia reactions. I think that we should talk about this.

Rangers first message on this board was about what happened to him, how it effected him, and that he molested a kid, and had turned himself in for it.
Once people understood what Ranger was, they expressed concern about him being on the same board as underage kids. Ranger tried to resolve this with a signature statement, that says that he cannot PM or Chat with any underage people.

Rangers next to his last message triggered a lot of people. While it did not trigger me, it was hard to read, just as a lot of the SA stories people write do not trigger me, but are hard to read.

I think Ranger did as much as he could do to make people feel safe with him being on the site.

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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#7292 - 06/22/05 02:58 PM Re: PARANOIA TWO
Andrew Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/25/03
Posts: 1192
Ken Singer has addressed the Ranger issue. I don't see a need to get into this again.

Andrew

_________________________
there is no courage without anxiety

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#7293 - 06/22/05 08:43 PM Re: PARANOIA TWO
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
Hi Andrew, I posted both of my messages about Ranger before Ken's statement came out, I did not want his statement to influence how I felt about things. Let's not use Ranger, Ranger has left the site by himself, and I think I know how he thinks enough that I don't expect him to come back.
We could use the Marc incident, or try to talk about our Paranoia feeling with out using any one person. But I think we need to talk about them.

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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#7294 - 06/22/05 09:35 PM Re: PARANOIA TWO
ShyBear Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/08/05
Posts: 149
Loc: The American South
LC,

OK, let's leave Ranger out of it - and I don't know who Marc is, but there's no need to explain, I get the general idea.

One of the big steps in my SA recovery was to acknowledge that there are some people & some things in life that I SHOULD be afraid of. Somebody does not have to be on the level of Jeff Dahmer or John Wayne Gacy in order to cause severe pain & destruction in their path, and to do so without remorse. Like the saying goes, "It's not paranoia when they really are out to get you."

I think that because we experienced the sheer monstrous Evil of SA so young, once we are chronologically adult, it's too terrifying for us to admit that Evil exists in the world, and that is does not have to be on a grand scale. But we NEED to, because the only way to protect ourselves is to admit that hurtful people *do* exist, and not just in our own past.

For example, just yesterday I had to have my last kitty cat (I used to have 3) put down because her jaw was hopelessly shattered. The vet told me it could have been a car, or it could have been that somebody kicked her. I just choked on that - Ping was tiny little thing and as sweet as could be. But you know, the truth is there are people who *would* kick a little kitty so hard as to shatter her jaw, leaving her in terrible pain until she was put to sleep and leaving me with grief over her death & guilt for doing what had to be done.

Being afraid of people like that is not paranoia, it's good self-protection.


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#7295 - 06/22/05 11:55 PM Re: PARANOIA TWO
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
I believe that it's good, natural and right to have our own self protection as out number one priority.
And that has to include how we interact with other people here at MS, but at the end of the day that safety is the responsibility of the individual; the Mod's can only do so much.

Learning to keep ourselves safe can be a fast learning curve for survivors, we often have serious issues regarding our self-esteem when we begin our healing, and through our healing.

As we regain our self-esteem here at MS and maybe in the therapy room we can sometimes be fooled into thinking "hey, I'm OK now, I can make these judgements" - which is a good thing when tempered with a bit of caution.

We operate in a strange environment here, we bare our souls to strangers, we give and recieve huge amounts of support. Friendships are made in such a way that they are unlikely to be made outside of this online world. Sometimes our judgements are made with far less 'real' information than we would make those judgements with in the 'real' world.
Sometimes we get our fingers burned.

But doesn't that happen in the real world as well? Of course it does, but in our 'victim' lives we often lived with the expectation that getting our fingers burned was all that was due us. So we lived a life of expecting it, and accepting it.
Our lives as survivors are changing rapidly, we regain our self-esteem and self-worth, we make decisions and judgements that would have been unthinkable in the past.
Sometimes we get it wrong.

If we do then we're learning valuable lessons about our decisions and judgements, and about people who don't match our expectations.
We rarely make the same mistake twice.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#7296 - 06/23/05 12:35 AM Re: PARANOIA TWO
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
Hi Shybear, I can't talk about Paranoia right now. Yes you are very right about the people who would kick a cat. I guess now it is all over, and where ever Ping is, she has a new friend. About 3:30 p.m. central time I gave the Vet permission to put Squirt under. Squirt had been missing for three days. Today as me and the wife came out the door, I saw Squirt, he was laying down, and calling to me. Normally he would have got up and run over to me, so I knew something was wrong. When I got over to where he was, he was covered with burrs where he had dragged himself through the grass. He was not able to move both hind legs or tail so I knew it was bad. I think his Spinal cord was damaged so bad that he could not feel any pain. The Vet showed me the X-rays, his hip was crushed, and fractured. There was also some, ether bird shot, or 22 slugs in the same area, but as I did not see any blood on him I think that was a old wound. When he first found me, he favored his hip, did not like me petting him there, now I know why. Squirt would follow me all around the house, just like a four year old boy would, that's why I named him Squirt.

Take care Shybear, yes indeed I do know what you are going through right now.

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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#7297 - 06/23/05 04:33 AM Re: PARANOIA TWO
ShyBear Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/08/05
Posts: 149
Loc: The American South
LostCowboy,

I am so sorry to hear about Squirt. And it's so hard, so very, very hard to put down a beloved pet, to make that decision, knowing in your head it's the right thing to do while your heart just wails with pain, grief, sadness.

damn, i'm crying, gotta stop writing for a while ....

(Later)

I don't know what lies on the other side of death but I'm pretty sure that something is there, something wonderful, peaceful, full of lost family & friends and yes, lost pets. And I just know that Squirt & Ping are getting along together just fine.

Warm, gentle Bearhugs for you, LC, but only if you want them,
Shy


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#7298 - 06/23/05 04:34 AM Re: PARANOIA TWO
ShyBear Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/08/05
Posts: 149
Loc: The American South
Sorry, accidental double post, don't know what happened. This post was identical to the one above, so I've deleted it's contents.


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#7299 - 06/23/05 07:02 PM Re: PARANOIA TWO
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
Why I think this site is safe.
When I registered, I did not have to use any real data, like name or address, or drivers license, or SS number. That means no matter what happens on the site, no one can come back at the real me.
When I first started posting on here, I realized that all my posts could be read by anyone(I really want everyone to read them!), if that means that some perp reads them its ok. My post just may be the one that causes him to start a new life.
If things should get too rough for me here I can always log out, I then become one of the many guests on the site. As long as I don't give out my email address, no one can continue with what ever it was that was bothering me.
PM's, I very rarely start a PM, I do accept them and may reply to them. For some reason PM's put me on guard.
Chat, for me at least, I don't do chat. I did it once and my homophobic reactions can build up way to fast there, I seem to be am able to handle them in the slowness of regular posts.
Thats pretty much it for me. Why don't some of you get real and tell what sets you off. As I know from all the posts that people were set off.

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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