My name is Dave.
My body survived many abuses and painful attacks, but the real scars are hidden inside.
Unfortunately, mine is a common story amongst us.
I was physically beaten and verbally and mentally abused by a domineering stepmother. I was hated and beaten by her sons for being a "Homo", and yet I was used for their sexual satisfaction.
Fear of lying in bed in the dark, fear that someone would hear me cry, the fears of being hurt again; and again. These were my nightly thoughts, from the age of seven until I was nineteen.
Although three stepbrothers and a half brother repeatedly abused me sexually, I found myself attracted to men. I am Gay. Yes with a capital "G", because it is something I am no longer afraid to admit. I am Gay, Iím in love and he loves me!
We fell in love the moment we met. It was months later that I admitted to him what I tried to hide for more than four decades. It wasn't until later that I realized the line of work he retired from. I am most fortunate that my life mate is also my therapist.
He has helped me to find the good within myself, to close the box which holds the painful memories we worked so hard to tame, and to believe and accept that I did nothing wrong.
He helped me to understand that what happened was because of their sickness and that I was and am the good one, the good boy, the child they wanted to control, the child they hurt almost every night. What happened to me was their problem, and they tried to make it mine. It worked then, but not any more. He made my world better by helping me. Oh, yes, I still have bad memories and dreams that terrorize me, but now, he holds me when I cry. I am stronger, yet I feel that I will always need him, not to help me, but because I can give my love to a man without being punished for it. I will always need him because I love him.
The pathway to recovery may be paved with stones, but don't stop to lie on it. Just realize it's leading you to where you can heal. Follow it faithfully and youíll find yourself in a much better place.
Thank you for having this forum.
I wish all of you much happiness and success.
I am not alone, for in my hand I found yours. TBear