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#72882 - 01/03/05 07:11 PM Re: lostcowboy is welcoming all gay guys to hear my tales
dwf Offline
Moderator/BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/24/03
Posts: 1223
Loc: Austin, Texas USA
Hey lostcowboy,

I am so sorry to hear about your wifes health problems! I am saying a prayer for her quick recovery. The image you created of carrying her into the house was really so touching and filled with love, I am very moved.

You have shown a lot of compassion here with our MS family too, and so I am glad to have you back.

As for the other business, you know those who seek to hoodwink, trick or abuse us, are VERY good at what they do--the lying, cheating, manipulating etc.

Adn somehow, I end up thinking that it is because I failed somehow, like I should have known better. But really the abusers/liars take advantage of our best human qualities--our trust, our faith, and our need for human connections.

I try to keep this in mind when I run across another one of those sick individuals who seem to have to hurt others to make themselves feel better.

So try not to feel too down on yourself for your assessment of the situation here. This particularly sick person had lots and lots of people fooled.

I think that the big lesson for me was that it was in our group efforts and action that the whole situation was finally resolved in a way that protected us all. There is safety and recovery in numbers.

Welcome back, and best wishes for the New Year for you and your family.

Regards,

_________________________
"Poke salad Annie, 'gators got you granny
Everybody said it was a shame
'Cause her mama was aworkin' on the chain-gang"

-Tony Joe White

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#72883 - 07/19/05 11:09 AM Re: lostcowboy is welcoming all gay guys to hear my tales
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
Surface, surface, surface, blow all main ballast tanks. I just thought I would pop this to the top for jasper, lol. While I may not respond to messages on this forum, very often I do read them, matter of fact I read most of the messages on all the public forums.

Also, I thought I would give a quick status report. I think I am doing better than I was when I first arrived here. Yes, sometimes my paranoia homophobic did rear its ugly head. But I was able to get control of it mostly by talking about it. My one regret about talking about it is when I sent a pm to one of the members, telling him about it, and asking his permission to talk about it. He left the site, at least I think that is why he left. I did not use his name. But he has not been back, He still has a unread pm from me. I wish he would come back to read it, that way I would know he was all right.

About the wife, her hearth is about back to what it was before she went into the hospital. While that is good I wish it would improve some more.

Well, I got to go get a little sleep.

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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#72885 - 07/23/05 06:46 AM Re: lostcowboy is welcoming all gay guys to hear my tales
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
Hi Jasper, sorry about taking so long to get back to you I got side tracked for a while. I am glad you did not mention the name. Danny knows all about this, you can check with him, to see if this guy left any messages. As far as what I wrote. You can read it here. http://malesurvivor.org/cgi-local/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=005012#000000

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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#72887 - 08/13/05 01:01 AM Re: lostcowboy is welcoming all gay guys to hear my tales
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
Well this sucks! I got to admit to you guys that I am not doing as good with my paranoia homophobic feelings as I thought I was doing. Not on here, but in real life. Here is what happened, My wife is filipino, one of her friends called on saturday, saying that she and a friend were bringing some food over. This friend had mentioned to me previously that she had a gay friend. So just as soon as he got out of the car, I was pretty sure this was the guy. Now they came over to visit my wife, normally when Filipinos get together they will switch to their own language and talk away. This time they stayed in English, and most of the conversation was between him and me, he was all interested in my immediate family. He also wanted to check out my computer, and offered me a monitor that he was not using any more.

To help you guys understand this, I haven't talked about this but my wife is about twenty eight years older than me, and I haven't had sex with her in about twelve years. Also about three weeks before this I had talked to my wife's friend about being molested as a kid. So this is where the paranoia homophobic feelings come in. I am thinking that she is trying to determine if I am gay, by having her friend check me out. Why she would want to do this I don't know but that is my feeling.

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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#72889 - 08/13/05 09:57 PM Re: lostcowboy is welcoming all gay guys to hear my tales
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
Hi jasper yes all that does make sense, but I have been around my wife's male Filipino relatives and have not had this flight reaction. The last time I had it was with the gay guy That I had the affair with in 1994. In that case I felt that the guy was hitting on me. In this case, I was not getting a feeling of hitting on me, as a feeling like he was trying to determine if I was or was not gay. It's ok to call me crazy. So far he has not done any other contact, with me or the wife.
The next time I see my wife's friend, I'll get her alone and I will ask her if that was her gay friend.

As a by the way, about two months ago when I saw and talked to my old friend from high school, the child molester, I found out he was gay. With all that going on you would have thought I would be tripping off line, but no, I had none of these type of feeling around him.

Anyway, I am just pissed at my self for having the flight reaction.

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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#72891 - 08/17/05 07:04 AM Re: lostcowboy is welcoming all gay guys to hear my tales
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
Hi Jasper, it's ok that you got up on your soap box. I want it understood very clearly that I did not mean to imply that gay and child molester went together. Please understand that!
Quote:
It IS possible that your wife was trying to "test you."
No, I don't think so. But I would not put it passed her friend.
Quote:
So yes, talk to her woman friend.
I talked to her, very briefly this Sunday, she did say that was her gay friend. I did not have time to ask if there was anything behind it.

A thought, it may be that I had the reaction, just because he was a gay man that was a stranger. The reason I say that is I gathered up my courage today and called my old friend, and went out for coffee and had another long talk, still no alarms went off.

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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