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#72640 - 08/03/04 01:05 AM GOT NEEDS?
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
it's ok to cop to needs -
if you recognize them as needs - go for them -
emotional needs or physical ones -

so often i was told through the abuse that i should be without consequence -

so going for anything personal was not an option to them or in my mind as fallout

from that
i became quite needy too - in my own way -
chronic masturbation and addictive qualities
confusion of wants and needs grew out of that too
i guess in my own way i was filling them in a confused state -

now that i am free of them -perps-

yeah i am seeing

it's ok to be mark

and i've got some needs to fill and i am filling them -
got some wants now too- seeing them -filling them-
and so on ...

enjoy...

mgb

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#72641 - 08/03/04 11:17 AM Re: GOT NEEDS?
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Well said brother. ;\)

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#72642 - 08/03/04 02:21 PM Re: GOT NEEDS?
Aden Offline
Member

Registered: 07/05/04
Posts: 499
x


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#72643 - 08/03/04 02:37 PM Re: GOT NEEDS?
Abe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/28/02
Posts: 27
Loc: New York, NY
My guess... but maybe you mean obsessive masturbation, masturbation without pleasure, even without feeling the physical need (just a psychological one)... I've experienced that myself, under odd circumstances. I scattered the ashes of my partner; the event was intensely traumatic for me; that night my hair fell out in handfulls when I had a bath, and I masturbated all night long, more in a sense of anguish than pleasure, as if masturbationg could counteract the pain.


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#72644 - 08/03/04 02:42 PM Re: GOT NEEDS?
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Quote:
Originally posted by Aden:
What the hell is chronic masturbation? That makes it sound like a disease. What exactly makes it chronic? How and why does it become a problem? Is it weekly, daily, at business meetings or in public restrooms?
My T says he has a patient who averages 5 times a day. Seems like a lot to me. I read a biography of the Marquis de Sade recently and he kept a meticulous journal of his daily masturbation events (numerous times per day), results, etc. It was interesting reading.

_________________________
Eddie

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#72645 - 08/04/04 11:05 AM Re: GOT NEEDS?
JeffLRich Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/03/04
Posts: 8
Loc: NJ
Quote:
Originally posted by Aden:
[QB] MGB
What the hell is chronic masturbation? That makes it sound like a disease. What exactly makes it chronic? How and why does it become a problem? Is it weekly, daily, at business meetings or in public restrooms? I honestly donít get where the problem is. Does it make you feel guilty? Why?
If his approach to masturbation is anything like mine was when I was younger (and still is today on occasion) it was fraught with dual feelings of pleasure, of course, but also a base, animalistic, uncontrollable urge over my sexuality that seemed to mimic my abusers lack of restraint psycholoigically catagorizing myself as no better than they were. In this respect it did almost feel like a disease that I "caught" from them. Masturbation is afterall a sex act and has just as much ability to cause all those feelings of the abuse to arise as any other encounter might, especially the feeling of lacking all control.

Not sure if any of that makes sense but that's what I felt when I read the post.

Jeff

_________________________
"It's when you cry just a little but you laugh in the middle that you know you've made it." Jason Mraz

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#72646 - 08/04/04 10:40 PM Re: GOT NEEDS?
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5778
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
Jeff:
You wrote abiut masturbation as:
Quote:
a base, animalistic, uncontrollable urge over my sexuality that seemed to mimic my abusers lack of restraint psycholoigically catagorizing myself as no better than they were.
But the difference this time is that you are in control of the process. The problem for some guys is that it is compulsive. They don't do it for pleasure but more of a "have to" act. It might be that for them it is keeping control of one's sexuality and sexual expression.
Ken


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#72647 - 08/05/04 10:27 AM Re: GOT NEEDS?
Dan88 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/02
Posts: 247
Loc: DC
If you want to understand chronic masturbation or any of the other maladies that fall under the heading of sex addiction, I can recommend a book entitled "Out of the Shadows" by Patrick Carnes. Your local library or recovery book store probably has it along with Amazon. If its relevent to you, you'll see yourself in what's written there very easily. And if it's not, you will at least know what the behavior is all about.


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#72648 - 08/06/04 04:57 AM Re: GOT NEEDS?
blueelectron9 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/07/02
Posts: 387
Loc: Victoria, BC Canada
I really appreciated the reminder. Thanks for the insight.

Peace,
Scotty

_________________________
An odd duck who likes even numbers.

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