Yes, Marc he was that and nothing more. Just one mean, selfish perp.
I also wanted to find why is being gay so depressing me when it is obvious that I am.
One of the reasons for such situation is my catholic heritage and good catholic/Christian is not supposed to be gay
Other thing is that strongest sexual experience that I remember happened during sex with my perp. That is the reason why I feel shame, confusion and guilt about sex.
At the moment I am on healing way from this blind road in a way that I am accepting the fact that I am gay. I distinguished that my perp didn't make me to be gay even if he is somehow related to sexual awareness of myself. But he did make me to be very shameful, anxious, distrusted and isolated especially with sex issues.
And as religious is concerned I honestly can not believe anymore that I will go straight to hell just because I am gay.