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#7213 - 04/18/03 07:21 PM I did it...
Sick Puppy Offline
Member

Registered: 03/30/03
Posts: 300
Loc: Nowhere Land
I told my uncle about my abuse...

I went to him and said I needed to talk to him about something and he said sure and we sat down, and almost immediately I began to cry which really ashamed me but I couldn't stop. I wasn't crying so hard that I couldn't talk, though, so I just opened up my mouth and shoved the words out before I could change my mind and I said "Naomi sexually abused me when I was a child." (Naomi is my mother and my uncle's sister.) He was quiet for a moment and then he hugged me and said that he was very sorry. I asked if he believed me. He said that he did believe me because he knew that Naomi could do that and that it sure explained a lot of things about me.

I told him (in as few words as possible) that she had prostituted me and had incest with me. I told him that I was very ashamed and almost nobody knew about it. He hugged me again and told me he was glad I trusted him enough to tell him. I told him there were a lot more things like that that had happened to me throughout my life but I was not ready to talk about them yet. He said that he understood and that anytime I was ready he would be here for me. I was feeling all shaken up so I told him I needed to be alone for a while and then I went downstairs and was kind of numb for a while and then I got onto the message boards. I waited a little while to gather my thoughts, then I made this post.

I'm still shaking but I feel amazingly relieved as if (though it is a clichéd phrase) a huge burden had been lifted off of me. My uncle was very gentle and understanding with me about it and he didn't try to force any more information out of me. I had hoped he would take it well but I didn't even expect him to be THIS understanding! \:\) I hope that it really sank in, though, and that he will not suddenly realize later that his sister is a pedophile and has subjected children to horrible ordeals and become very upset or angry. He knows Naomi is very sick and is capable of awful things. I suppose he probably suspected all along that I had been abused but that he was waiting for me to say something. It was the same way when I came out to him; I thought I was telling him new news but I think he had known for a while. He is like that, I guess.

Well... I really did not say much to him, but I said enough that he now knows about my SA. I think I need to lie down for a while... that took a lot out of me, way too much, I had no idea it would make me so tired. It is a good tired, though... I feel relieved and good but very exhausted.

_________________________
And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly
From the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see


Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

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#7214 - 04/18/03 07:33 PM Re: I did it...
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Hey WTG SP!

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#7215 - 04/18/03 07:39 PM Re: I did it...
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Sp. Good for you. Your instincts were absolutely correct about your uncle. Now you are no longer alone in two places.

At home and here brother wolf.

I keep thinking of that saying "The only thing we fear is fear itself"

How drained but relieved you must feel now. To be hugged without reservation is something that cannot be bought or faked.

I am so proud of you.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#7216 - 04/18/03 07:46 PM Re: I did it...
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
Good job, I'm glad your uncle took it well. I know it's hard to open up and try to trust anyone. ^5 brother.
James

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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#7217 - 04/18/03 09:26 PM Re: I did it...
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
That's fantastic, man! Your uncle must be a great guy. Your own intuition was right on about choosing him to tell.

Happy for you,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#7218 - 04/19/03 01:09 AM Re: I did it...
PeteT Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/03/03
Posts: 28
Loc: Michigan
Way to go SP! Telling your family is one of the hardest things to do. It really is great that your uncle was so understanding and supportive. You are well on your way. Keep up the good work. I'm so happy for you! \:\)

Pete

_________________________
Pete

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#7219 - 04/19/03 01:48 AM Re: I did it...
RJD Offline
Member

Registered: 02/18/01
Posts: 326
Loc: jefferson City, Mo,usa
WOW!! How blessed you are to have such an amazing uncle. Also how blessed he is to have such an amazing nephew.

Where does he come by this profound wisdom. He sounds like a man who has done some deep personal work.

Way to go SP!!!


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#7220 - 04/19/03 04:05 AM Re: I did it...
Nathan LaChine Offline
Webmaster
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5378
Loc: Washington State
Good for you I am so happy for you that your uncle was supportive for you. \:\)


Take care my brother, Nathan


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#7221 - 04/19/03 06:04 PM Re: I did it...
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
SP
just keep pinching yourself to see if it's real ;\)


Great news my friend, you made the right choice and used great judgement to disclose to your Uncle, never forget how strong you are because YOU made those decisions.
Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#7222 - 04/19/03 08:13 PM Re: I did it...
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
SP - Such courage! Such trust! You are remarkable!! ;\) I am glad to see you taking control of your life!! Just as your mom took things from you - you're taking them back! That 'secret' that controlled you is a 'secret' no more!! Using your "voice"!!

Scarey? I bet! I was glad your uncle was compassionate and understanding and that you LET your uncle hug you! WOW!! Decisions! Trust! Encouragement!! GOOD JOB!!

Howard

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#7223 - 04/19/03 11:33 PM Re: I did it...
Cement Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/05/02
Posts: 740
Loc: Southern California
Great job... what strength and courage you have!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

James

_________________________
And let the darkness fear our light.

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#7224 - 04/20/03 12:31 AM Re: I did it...
Sick Puppy Offline
Member

Registered: 03/30/03
Posts: 300
Loc: Nowhere Land
Thanks guys for all the praise and support! \:D

My uncle is a VERY good man. My whole family is pretty fucked up, and he's pretty much the sane and patient one among them. He often will take in sick or struggling family members if they need someplace to go. He took me in after I got out of prison and he is very understanding and patient about all my weird little attributes and he is also deals suprisingly well with my schizophrenia. He even took in my uncle Gordon (my father's brother) for a couple months last summer/fall when he had an operation on his foot and could not work or walk on it for a while. Gordon is a horribly grumpy and disagreeable man so it was really a sacrifice for my uncle to take him in. He is a very kind soul... which is amazing considering that he grew up with my mother, and she is pretty much the polar opposite.

_________________________
And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly
From the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see


Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

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#7225 - 04/20/03 01:17 AM Re: I did it...
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
Mike,
I remember when I finally met up with my relatives at my grandmother's funeral. Of course my dad wasn't there (his own mother). Afterwards I was talking with my aunt (his sister) and she made some comment about my father being crazy. She then said oh, I'm sorry I shouldn't say that. After all he is your dad. I looked at her and said, don't stop saying what you are saying... because I feel the same way about him.

It opened up some conversation about things but not all of the way. My aunt doesn't say a lot about feelings or anything like that. That side of the family was very cold when it came to their own feelings which is sad. But we connected on a very deep level that day and I still get a laugh every time I think about it. A couple of my cousins did back up some things for me that I remembered which was very helpful.

I have told my cousins that if my father ever comes around, don't let your kids out of sight with him.

Don

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

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#7226 - 04/20/03 02:39 PM Re: I did it...
ecb Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 205
This is great news SP. I'm so glad to hear that you have someone in your life who is so caring and that you can open up to.

It was a big step to tell him, and if it was anything like me telling my mother, very healing.

I am so incredibly happy for you.


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