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#71961 - 09/21/03 04:53 AM Consent?
SevenTwoTwo Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/21/03
Posts: 2
Loc: California
I used to consent. I don't want to consent anymore.


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#71962 - 09/21/03 03:35 PM Re: Consent?
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Seven:

It was not consent I will wager. You were used by someone you either looked up to or respected. And that my brother is not consent. That is a crime against anyone that it happens to.

I admire you that it will stop. You are in control. You are your own person and have the right to do and think what is right for you and you alone and your partner if you have one.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#71963 - 09/21/03 05:15 PM Re: Consent?
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Seven'
Am I right if I say that - 'someone told you that you consented ?'

My perps told me that, and they told me I was enjoying it.

They were liars, and I bet 'someone' lied to you as well.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#71964 - 09/21/03 06:00 PM Re: Consent?
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Seven - Consent means first: Do I have the capacity to consent. The actual age of consent is usually 16 (?). When your abuse started, how old were you? How old was your abuser?

Consent also implies FREE WILL. Why did you "consent" (?). Was it because you did it in trade for attention? He bought you things? It felt good? You wanted to spend time with them? It was "your special secret"? He took you places (such as fishing, fast food, etc.) ? All of these reasons are not consent but trade-offs (lies as Dave says).

Consent also implies relationships between equals - babysitters, teachers, older brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, ministers, priests....unequals, is not consent.

All throughout my younger years (8-13+) I thought I consented...told by my abusers and even blamed by my parents. But it was all a lie to place their blame on me!!

Think clearly and focused...did you really consent, Seven? or is it more like they took it as "you liked it = you wanted it = you consented" ?

It can get even more complex...but that's for another time! I hope you stick around and post. Share your thoughts - agree or disagree - the guys here have been " down that road" too!!

Howard

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#71965 - 09/22/03 12:30 AM Re: Consent?
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Seven Two Two,

You have received good comments here. Howard talks about consent being among people who are equal and who have a true relationship--I would say, a life-giving relationship.

Lets talk some more about this when you feel comfortable doing so.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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#71966 - 09/22/03 11:06 PM Re: Consent?
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Seven Two Two,

I "consented", when I didn't I was forcibly raped. It was easier to "consent" than to be raped. I wasn't consent with all my perps, when I didn't say anything. Nor does it sound like you have been consenting.

Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#71967 - 09/27/03 11:45 PM Re: Consent?
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Good replies. I thought I consented too. I'm living with guilt that I didn't do enough to stop my "partner," and I was 11 when it started.

If you feel it was wrong, you didn't "consent."

Peace, my friend.

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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