I'm a David, too.
I read your post tonight and my heart really goes out to you.
I wished that abuse wasn't so mixed up with our abusers telling us that they love us or what they/we are doing isn't going to impact us in any negative way.
"After all," my 8th grade treacher/abuser said to me, "the Greeks did this with their students all of the time."
So, somehow, that made everything OK..... for him.
Ya, reacting to the sexual stimulation is a real confusing thing for most of us. I'm sorry that he told you that he loved you.
What a lie.
If he really loved you, he would have tucked you in, told you that he was happy, proud, lucky to have a son like you and said that he was looking forward to spending time with you on the weekend, and maybe kissed you on the forehead before he turned out the light and closed the door behind him, from outside of your room.
Please know that it sometimes gets worse--you know, darker before the dawn--before it gets better.
But you know what? You got us now, Dave.
We're gunna be here for you when you need us.
I can't wait until you meet some of the guys.
You know, some of the guys here, who you will think are your brothers; caring, loving brothers.
Be patient, Dave. Some of us have been where you are, but know, that when you've had some time to analyze your life, you'll find that these guys were right.
IT WILL GET BETTER.
Welcome, Dave, make yourself at home and meet some of the finest men you'll ever meet in your life.
If you ever want to talk to one of us privately, like you want to try something out before you post publicly, use the "private post" at the bottom of this or other posts, and you'll reach whomever you address your PM to.
Two big breaths, now,
One of your new brothers, in the struggle,
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."