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#71787 - 06/06/03 07:11 PM soooo tired of it
MDD Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 06/05/03
Posts: 12
Loc: somewheres on this thing calle...
Hiya its Tom!

I have been reading stuff on this forum for a while, but now I finally get to say something myself!

I am gay, and there is no use hiding it..most people see it I think, at least I have been called faggot for as long as I can recall.
Their fucking problem.

I like the way I look, the way I dress. Ok, I probably look a bit weird, Dont wear designer stuff, Ok, I admit my voice is not like a guy working offshore for 25 years. If anyone wants to have a problem with it, go ahead but leave me alone.
The leaving alone thing is a problem, but only one of many. I am at college, and most of my fellow students are either straight or hahaha well not openly gay or deny it like its somekind of deadly poison!

But why the harrassment? Why do they hate? Why the lame excuses?
I am just soo tired of being treated like I have the plague or something as scary as that!
I just wanna have a life I like and have fun!

Why is there always someone to make trouble?

Its very hard to make it through just a single day without having to face up to people making stupid comments. Why cant they just shut up?

Every time I try to make somekind of statement in my defence, it seems to get worse. All the stupid hurting remarks, its college geezus! why cant they just grow up? I was told by a guy from my class, he just didnt understand how I dare dress like I do (jeans,tee,mounteneering boots, army jacket, all a bit worn, not worn out!) I told him its ok for me, and affordable. Shit, shouldnt have said that. He asked me in a hatefull way, a little too loud so everybody could hear it, if my parents were too poor to get me anything decent. Couldnt help it, just started crying, ran away. Missed the test I was supposed to take today.

now I gotta go and explain this next monday, and just cant think of a way to do it.
Can anyone help me out here, I dont know how to do this. Please.

Tom

_________________________
Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue

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#71788 - 06/06/03 07:38 PM Re: soooo tired of it
Marc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/25/03
Posts: 256
Loc: Tucson, AZ
Hi Tom,

Yeah beat the F*ck out of them with a sledge hammer!

Seriously though guy... I know it sounds trite and cliche but just ignore the pitiful wuss's. If the best they have to do in life is pick apart your attire or your sexuality that's their loss NOT yours. Screw'em. I don't give a hang who knows about me. Haven't since I came out back in "83". (Hey! That rhymes!!! \:D )

Don't be ashamed of who you are or whom you love.

Doesn't make any sense.

Peace & power to you guy!

Marc


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#71789 - 06/06/03 09:10 PM Re: soooo tired of it
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Tom
Quote:
He asked me in a hatefull way, a little too loud so everybody could hear it, if my parents were too poor to get me anything decent.
That tells you all you need to know about the dickbrain. How the hell did he make it to college anyway.....

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#71790 - 06/06/03 09:37 PM Re: soooo tired of it
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Tom:

Hey brother wolf it does not matter what other people think it is how you feel inside. And I think you feel pretty good about yourself.

It is, as Lloyd says, the dickbrains that are having the problem.

If they ask how you dress tell it is your effen preference and to ef off .

You might also ask them why they are so homophobic. Do they have something to hide. Generally the most vocal do.

In my experience on the street as a hustler many years ago it was the most vocal that were the most bent out of shape sexually.

Tom it is ok to be gay, straight, somewhere in between, or none of the preceding.

Dont let them bug you Tom.

On Monday just walk in and tell them that yes it hit too damned close to home. Your parents are poor and are struggling to send you to college. That should shut the asshole up.

Stay here with us Tom. It takes real balls to stand up to dickbrains but I know you have the courage to do that.

I dont know what kind of shape you are in. Are you physically active. If you are then nobody should push your around. If you are not try going in for weight training. The one thing I have found is that if you run from this type of shit it follows you relentlessly.

Give some of the shit back to them. Tell them yes you are gay and no you are not a faggot. Just as they are not red necked hillbillies.

I dont know if this has been any help to you. I hope so brother wolf.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#71791 - 06/06/03 10:11 PM Re: soooo tired of it
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
It is sad that we all have to face this...

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

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#71792 - 06/06/03 10:18 PM Re: soooo tired of it
MDD Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 06/05/03
Posts: 12
Loc: somewheres on this thing calle...
Thanks but I gotta say a few things

#1 My parents arent doing shit. I get myself through college. I havent seen them in 3 years.

#2 I know its easy to go into any deans office and tell about what this or that guy did. They know whats going on. They just cant do much about it.

#3 Physically I am in great shape, as long as I can outrun any of them I am fine.

But I just cant take not being left alone anymore! They have it so goddamn easy, and still they cant think of anything better to do than to make life harder for me, just because I cant fit into their world.

Sorry, only spend about 70 plus hours on school and 20 hours at work each week. Not much time left to hang out or much of anything but sleep.
Most of the time I am just too fucking tired to sleep. I dont mind giving it all to make it in the long run, but this crap just is too much to handle every day of the week. just never ends.


Tom

_________________________
Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue

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#71793 - 06/06/03 11:19 PM Re: soooo tired of it
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Tom it is Mike again:

I know you are in pain over this and I am sorry about your parents. I did not know.

Tom you are too nice a guy to let this shit bother you.

Is there anyone you can be a friend too. Think hard on that one. Maybe someone has reached out and you just brushed them aside. Not saying it is fact but have a think about it.

When I was a hustler on the street there were, believe it or not, some johns who actually befriended me. Unfortunately they were not the kind I was interested in selling myself to.

What I am saying Tom is find a friend and hang out with him and dont take any shit. I dont care if you got 4 heads and 2 noses you are a human being damn it and you deserve to be treated as card carrying member of that race.

Just suggest that to them. Acknowledge what you are. I had a gay friend in a situation like yours and he told them that even if they were gay they just were not his type. That shut them up in a hurry. And I hung out with him and got him on the hockey team when we played in a house league. Boy he could hit with the best of them. When it came to the shower room it did not matter a tinkers damn to the other guys. He was part of the team. They all came to realize that he actually was a great guy. The only difference was he dated other men.

Hope this helps Tom.

You are a true member of the WOLF PACK

AAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#71794 - 06/07/03 05:19 AM Re: soooo tired of it
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Tom,

I read your post earlier but couldn't respond at the time.

So, here I am, can't sleep. We had a day near 100 degrees and it's still 80 something.

But, hey, you should be just about getting up there, so you'll get this before Monday's classes.

First of all, what a heroic thing that your doing-putting yourself through school.

Sorry that your parents aren't more in your corner as supporters. What the hell are they thinking about?

We've had two daughters complete school near us and we had some of the best times of our lives watching and hearing them in different school productions.

Hey, Tom, we're your family now, and we care about what you're doing and how it goes for you.

Second, didn't Holland have some unwanted people in their land several years ago? From the sound of those jerks that harass you, it would appear that the Nazis left a few behind.

You're right, this is college and for people to have attitudes like that, it sounds like they are still in grammar school.

Third, since it is college and this is the 21st century, I would think that your school would have a gay organization, you know, a club.

If not, maybe you'll have to leave a notice somewhere--school paper, message kiosk, some such place and start one of your own.

From the sound of your post, you'll fit right in here. You can speak to your hurt and there are guys here who will take that to their hearts and give you courage.

Be strong, Tom, you're a special person, working hard to make something of your self, and we're proud that you want to hang with us.

Bon courage and write back and tell us about the other guys for whom you're befriending with your new association there at school.

Brother wolf David, who's still working on his howl...AAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhoooooo

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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#71795 - 06/07/03 11:11 AM Re: soooo tired of it
MDD Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 06/05/03
Posts: 12
Loc: somewheres on this thing calle...
Hiya!

Thank you guys for your thoughts, but I think I'd better explain a few details. I am kinda new around here and can't really expect you guys to know me.

Perhaps I should've posted this one first, my life's story. It feels like whining, and don't want to give that impression. I don't want to be felt sorry for. But I do want to tell my bit. I have posted before and got some really nice responses, but I got the impression I just didn't tell enough to be clear. I guess if I come here asking for advice, I owe it to those I ask to be clear about what's up with me.
I'll just give it a try, ok?

My name is Tommy, Tom for short, I am 20 years old, college student (civil engineering) and I am gay.

I left home 3 years ago, because my dad and my brother wouldn't leave me alone.
Since I can remember my dad did things to me and my brother, my mom was (guess she still is) drunk about all the time. My dad had a job working for a shipping company, but he lost it a long time ago. Since then he is on welfare, claiming he can't work because of his bad back or some other lame excuse. My brother fails at everything he does, blaming everybody else but himself.
He is 11 years older than me. My dad abused me and my brother, but my brother did it to me, even when he wasn't told to do so. He was worse than my dad, more violent too. My mom didn't really care about the house, and my dad made me take care of that. From about 6 on, I did the cooking and cleaning because my dad decided I was not a real boy anyway, he would treat me as a girl. I can't remember him raping my brother, I know he did things to him as well, but most days they would use me for whatever they fancied.

When I finished high school I left. I told them I was gonna get an education, no matter what they wanted. I took some clothes and left. I got a job at a camping resort for the summer, got myself into college and found a place to live. Its been my own life since then. I have not heard from my family since and frankly I am glad about that. I am done being used. I have some help, I told a counselor at school about my childhood and we talk about it every now and then. She urges me to go to the police, and to write down what happened. I am doing that now, because I feel its good to put my memories and feelings into words. I have been given more time for school, and she contacted a hospital for me. I think I can get my life in order, but I need time to do so.
I am not sure I want to go to the police with this, it will take so much time, I think I can better spend on getting myself to where I want to be.

Nough for now,

Thanks guys for letting me be here

Tom

_________________________
Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue

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#71796 - 06/07/03 12:04 PM Re: soooo tired of it
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Tom.

Geez, how about going to the head of the class.

I wish that I had had your guts and determination.

You're an example of, "not keeping a good man down."

There's more than a couple of guys around here who have been able to get their lives together like you're doing.

Just packing up and leaving, huh? Sounds like,
"The Great Escape," to me.

I've got to get across town for breakfast, but I'll write more later.

Hats off to you, Tom.

David

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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