Newest Members
DT, kk90, Austintexan, Cancan, LS
12257 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Blank (36), christx (41), Heartonfire (38), Nathan LaChine (31)
Who's Online
1 registered (1 invisible), 19 Guests and 6 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12257 Members
73 Forums
63124 Topics
441426 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#71711 - 05/03/03 01:33 AM Is it... wrong? (maybe a trigger?)
Sick Puppy Offline
Member

Registered: 03/30/03
Posts: 300
Loc: Nowhere Land
Sometimes I find myself worrying and wondering because it seems like in some way my partner likes my vulerability. That sort of behavior just sets off alarms in my head although I know that he would never intentionally do me harm. We've been offically together for almost a year now and he's shown me nothing but love, kindness, and patience. We fight sometimes, of course, but that comes with the territory of a relationship! :p

I guess it's hard for me to seperate in my head what is an honest instinct to protect and "mother" and what's something less innocent. I know that he likes to watch over me and take the position of keeping me safe. Although I must admit that I like it, it worries me a little that he seems to be attracted to my sometimes-childish behaviors and actions. He likes it when I am (in some contexts; this would get annoying all the time) emotionally dependant on him as if I were a child. He likes my striped pajamas that sort of make me look young and more innocent. He says I give off sort of an aura of innocence a lot of the time despite the fact that I've never in my life been innocent.

I want to stress that these things DON'T make me uncomfortable. I like it, and he likes it, so I guess there's no harm done, but I keep wondering if this is a "healthy" relationship. It seems like we are almost re-enacting patterns of abuse. I feel ashamed that it makes me comfortable to, in some respects, take on the position of a child. It doesn't seem right in a sexual relationship. I have always been the nautrally submissive one (I do believe I was born with that personality and it was not entirely due to my abuse) but I feel that this extends past the boundaries of submission into something else. It's not any kind of pedophilia... neither of us wants anything to do with a child like that, but it just seems sort of... wrong. I'm not really sure.

_________________________
And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly
From the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see


Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

Top
#71712 - 05/03/03 07:17 PM Re: Is it... wrong? (maybe a trigger?)
Marc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/25/03
Posts: 256
Loc: Tucson, AZ
Josh (May I call you that instead of SP?),

My first inclination is to tell you that the bells and whistles are going off for you. Trust your instincts. This doesn't mean something concious or intentional is going on but it is causing you some ditress. As such you need to let him know as your 'partner' (key word here), that sometimes this feels uncomfortable for the reasons that you mention You say it doesn't but re-examine the quote
Quote:
it just seems sort of... wrong.
.

This does not mean you don't love him, that something weird is going on, you don't or shouldn't trust him or he should fear causing triggers. Just that it is causing you some distress. Let him know that sometimes this feels appropriate and makes you feel very warm and loved and that other times not.

For some people I suspect that this might be a healthy fantasy to some extent (Help me guys on this one?). For others, it becomes co-dependency.

There is a time and place for everything. You are young but you are an adult now Josh. You have the ability to bend and shape things to a degree as you like/want WITH your guy. Be an active participant in the decision making. And trust your intuition a little more. I am learning this as I go on in life. \:\)

The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof.


Top
#71713 - 05/03/03 08:29 PM Re: Is it... wrong? (maybe a trigger?)
Sick Puppy Offline
Member

Registered: 03/30/03
Posts: 300
Loc: Nowhere Land
Marc, thanks for your response. I re-read my post and I guess I did make it sound like it was something that upset me a little, but it's hard to explain that it's not, but that at the same time I worry about it. It never makes me feel uncomfortable but I am very conscious of my own healing and so I often wonder if things that I am doing are "healthy" or not. This doesn't seem healthy or socially normal, so I worry about it, but it really is something that I enjoy in the context of our relationship.

_________________________
And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly
From the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see


Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

Top
#71714 - 05/04/03 10:49 PM Re: Is it... wrong? (maybe a trigger?)
Marc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/25/03
Posts: 256
Loc: Tucson, AZ
Quote:
This doesn't seem healthy or socially normal, so I worry about it
Josh,

Refer to my comment in the post below for my response to your quote.

Upset and Tired

Regardless, I say, "Trust your feelings and your heart. Sometimes our brains over-analyze things"


Top
#71715 - 05/08/03 06:06 PM Re: Is it... wrong? (maybe a trigger?)
JonathanKhonsu Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/18/03
Posts: 72
Loc: PA
Quote:
I guess it's hard for me to seperate in my head what is an honest instinct to protect and "mother" and what's something less . I know that he likes to watch over me and take the position of keeping me safe. Although I must admit that I like it, it worries me a little that he seems to be attracted to my sometimes-childish behaviors and actions. He likes it when I am (in some contexts; this would get annoying all the time) emotionally dependant on him as if I were a child. He likes my striped pajamas that sort of make me look young and more . He says I give off sort of an aura of innocence a lot of the time despite the fact that I've never in my life been .
I sort of can relate. When I was with my ex one of the things that I loved so much about him was how I felt safe around him. When I find someone I whant to feel safe and that they will veiw me as even though I question if this is truely possible. I think its quite normal after stuff to whant to feel safe. I'm not an expert. I would trust your instincts and possibly discus this with your sig. other

_________________________
"Ave atque Vale"

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.