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#71692 - 04/27/03 12:03 PM Re: Getting braver, accepting myself1
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Jer:
In answer to your question. Not it is not a requirement to have peace and contentment. I know many men who have it and share life's experiences with good friends. I think I mentioned elsewhere that it is possible to be intimate with friends with no sexual connotation and on the flip side if they are a good friend and that is part of the equation, who really cares.
Jer it is you in the equation that is important. Self worth is a precious thing. Remeber when I said somewhere that abuse attacks our very essence and our sense of self worth and all are coping skills therafter till we seek healing only reenforce that negative shit. We view the human experience through a cracked and clouded lens and our healing and re-acquiring our self worth will heal that lens.

We are all here doing the same thing Jer. Healing and reestablishing our self worth. I can see it in every post from everyone despite our slips back. And we encourage each other along this path.

I found that my wife is my greatest strength and a source of joy in my life. But I am a person, who while distant, needs a balance in my life that only she can provide.
All this comes I think from talking to that inner being and discovering what makes you unique.
Sorry to drag this on. Jer I have seen a wonderful transformation in you in the recent past and I know that you have the strength and courage to discover your own uniqueness.

Just remember you are never alone again.

The Pack is with you

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOO

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#71693 - 04/27/03 02:33 PM Re: Getting braver, accepting myself1
Sleepy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/08/02
Posts: 288
Loc: Arizona, USA
I've been out of town for a couple days and when I saw this thread I was really blown away. I don't have much time to formulate my thoughts but I'll definitly come back to this one.

Quote:
straight (after all).
Boy, this certianly is something that I'm dealing with. I might be gay or I might be straight (a good chance there) but the real question is how do I become sexual in the first place. It's way too easy to withdraw into my own little world where I feel safe. Since I've made the decision to open up to my friends, I've actually begun to talk about my situation. Albeit, with much difficulty. But the good thing is that it is becoming much easier to deal with out in the open. And with it in the open I can't deny my reality. That is good because I'm too temped to withdraw again.

Jer, have you ever read Sexual Anorexia? I've found this to be the best book I've ever read. I initially thought that this book didn't apply to me because I never thought I was scared of sex. But I soon discovered that the whole book addressed my situation nicely. I've got to run, but I'll come back to this later.
Take care,
Mike

_________________________
"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."
--Ursula K. Le Guin

"Mental health is a commitment to reality at all times."
--M. Scott Peck

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#71694 - 04/28/03 02:22 PM Re: Getting braver, accepting myself1
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Mike
Quote:
the real question is how do I become sexual in the first place. It's way too easy to withdraw into my own little world where I feel safe. Since I've made the decision to open up to my friends, I've actually begun to talk about my situation. Albeit, with much difficulty. But the good thing is that it is becoming much easier to deal with out in the open. And with it in the open I can't deny my reality. That is good because I'm too temped to withdraw again.
Mike you withdrew into you little world for a long time. Stepping out of it is very difficult and terrifying but you have started to do just that. The rewards will be immense.

Quote:
As to becoming sexual the real question is how do I become sexual in the first place
Mike you may not know it but we are all sexual by birth. The human condition makes us that way. My sexuality was severly disfigured by SA and prostitution. But I also confused the two phrases. Sex is just that Sex and nothing more. On he other hand sexuality I think involves the mind the soul your very essence as well as the body. In effect everything you own.
Sex is an erection and orgasm and that is it.
It took me a long time to differentiate.

Sexuality can only be shared I think

I too buried it deep, so deep that there are times it goes back where I am safest. But I force it back out. Old habits die hard.

I think Mike like this Mike it will likely happen when you least expect it. It involves a remarkable attraction to someone else that kind of makes you tingle and helps you drive away that safey mechanism

I dont know if this is clear or I am totally out to lunch.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#71695 - 04/29/03 01:18 AM Re: Getting braver, accepting myself1
Sleepy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/08/02
Posts: 288
Loc: Arizona, USA
Mike,
You are very clear.

Quote:
On he other hand sexuality I think involves the mind the soul your very essence as well as the body. In effect everything you own.
I think for the longest time my mind and soul have been somewhat detached from my body. Despite the fact that I've been very withdrawn, I still equated an erection and orgasim with my sexuality. Sprinkle in a little bit of guilt and shame from my family and I was never able to share my sexuality with anyone. I retreated into my own world where a self-induced orgasim made me feel safe.

Okay, I need more time to think about this topic because I think I'm opening a big door for me. And hopefully something will come my way when I least expect it.
Thanks mike,
mike

_________________________
"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."
--Ursula K. Le Guin

"Mental health is a commitment to reality at all times."
--M. Scott Peck

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#71696 - 05/08/03 06:25 PM Re: Getting braver, accepting myself1
JonathanKhonsu Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/18/03
Posts: 72
Loc: PA
Quote:
Boy, this certianly is something that I'm dealing with. I might be gay or I might be straight (a good chance there) but the real question is how do I become ual in the first place. It's way too easy to withdraw into my own little world where I feel safe.
Man. I understand this. "the real question is how do I become ual in the first place. It's way too easy to withdraw into my own little worl where I feel safe" the catch with me when I do with draw to feel safe I end up being isolated and feeling even more scared.

_________________________
"Ave atque Vale"

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#71697 - 05/08/03 06:33 PM Re: Getting braver, accepting myself1
JonathanKhonsu Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/18/03
Posts: 72
Loc: PA
Man. Mr Don. That is like so cool that your class was so supportive. I liked the topic you guys were studying I wish one of my classes delt with stuff like that.
Quote:
So last night in class we had a time of sharing for a certain topic. It was on the "elements" where you have earth, water, fire and air.
I also liked your representation of fire (love).

Here's a list of elementals and how I interpret them.

Fire: Love/Hate
Water: Faith/Dispare
Earth: Hope/Strenth/Stabiblity
Wind: Peace/War
Eather: Trueth/Justic/Mercy
Cosmos: Wisdom
Thantos: Joy/Life/Death

_________________________
"Ave atque Vale"

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#71698 - 05/09/03 11:51 AM Re: Getting braver, accepting myself1
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
As a class going through massage therapy, we are growing together and you can see this in each person. This is part of our education because as we know ourselves better as a group but more importantly as individuals, the better we will be when giving massages to people the more effective we will be. But these classes (just 9 on the elements) have really brought us much closer together.

I do enjoy this stuff immensely and will have to post some of the details of the elements class and what each one means.

It was helpful that my class was supportive and I couldn't ask for a better group of people to be some very close friends with. I moved to Miami about three years ago to be with Jeff and this is the first time that I have begun making good friends down here in this big city. I love my time I spend with Jeff but it is nice to have balance in my life with others as well.

And the more little (or big) steps that I keep taking like this, the more I just wonder what lies ahead and what's out there for me.

Don

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

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