Newest Members
dspwilson, Won'tGiveUp, sillyputty, Pytbull, manipulated
12384 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
4gettingthepast4 (32), DougL (53), Jeff38 (48), lfp (27), pats121 (75), Texan (57), zer0sleep (35)
Who's Online
3 registered (Sojourn Survivor, Rich1967, 1 invisible), 25 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12384 Members
74 Forums
63653 Topics
444536 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#71569 - 10/26/02 01:12 PM Cross Dressing
Archnut Offline
Member

Registered: 10/26/02
Posts: 343
Loc: United Kingdom
Hi

Im new to this site. so Ill give a quick resume. I was abused by a group of men around the age of 14-15. It was suggested at the time that I may well be gay or at the very least bisexual......I am not gay or Bi but I do still have fantsies of dressing as a lady and have done so since I have been married to a very understanding wife. I used to do it regular years ago....the only reason i dont do it now is because I gave up booze seven years ago (im also a recovering alcoholic and sometime dope user)the urges are beginning to return. I had better add that i started cross dressing at the age of seven...anyone else have problems with this?

PS Just to finish on a positvie note two of my abusers got convicted. The police are still after another three....and one got seven years


Top
#71570 - 10/26/02 05:04 PM Re: Cross Dressing
Roy Offline
Member

Registered: 08/02/02
Posts: 184
Loc: Los Angeles
I am so sorry to learn of your trauma. I hope you are getting the help you need to recover. Check out the posts in the male survivor section on EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). It is a specific therapeutic technique many of us have found helpful, especially with regard to specfic instances such as yours. I was raped seven years ago, was treated this way, and found it helpful.

Regarding your questions surrounding cross-dressing. You may get a better response if you posted this on the general male survivor board rather than the gay board. You see, cross dressing or transvestism as it is more technically known, is not a phenomenon specific to being gay. The same percentages hold true among transvestites as the general population. That would indicate about 90% of men who cross dress being heterosexual. True, there is a particularly flamboyant (and highly entertaining) sub-group of gay men typically referred to as "drag queens" who cross dress for fun, put on shows, and frequently use their talents to raise money for charities. Usually their clothing, make-up, and accessories are extreme and the main function and purpose behind all this is entertainment. This is a different dynamic than that exists among the majority of transvestites. However, they are highly visible and frequently people misunderstand this to be part of being gay. In fact, the vast majority of gay men are not cross dressers. The ones who are, are a much loved and sometimes maligned group among the larger gay community. The first gay people to stand up against discrimination and fight back against police brutality were drag queens who rioted in a New York bar in June of 1969, launching the gay rights movement.

There probably are men here, feeling isolated and pathologized, who cross dress but never read the gay survivors board because they do not identify as gay. So again, I encourage you to post this interesting topic on the male survivor board where it will be seen by those who will benefit from the discussion. Most gay guys here probably read both boards, so those to whom it applies will see it there as well.

Roy


Top
#71571 - 10/26/02 07:28 PM Re: Cross Dressing
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Archnut
Hi there, and welcome to the site. It's a shame we have to be here, but this is a good place to help recover and gain support.

As Roy say's your post might have been better suited to the survivors forum, but it's here so that's ok as well.

My background wa abuse by a gang of older boys and a teacher in my early teens at a boarding school, and it was a secret I carried for 31 years until I was desperate and finally told my wife.

Since then I have become a survivor and sorted a great deal of my problems out, although I still have to work on them. But lifes a whole lot easier than it was 5 or 6 years ago.

Back then I was acting out, seeking sex with strange men. And part of the deal for me was wearing womens underwear. And it's someting I can trace back to my abuse.

My main abuser sometimes had me wear woment pants and he always talked to me as though I was a girl, he said I was better than any girl he had ever had ( in his dreams ! )

I also believe it had a great deal to do with self humiliation for me. I got a huge kick from the risk aspect of acting out, going out and buying panties, wearing them and acting out just increased the risk of total humiliation if I got caught. It was another click on the ratchet of risk for me.

Now the feel of lace against skin is just as good, as long as my wife has them on.

Lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

Top
#71572 - 10/26/02 10:56 PM Re: Cross Dressing
New to this Offline
Member

Registered: 09/16/02
Posts: 138
Loc: Mississippi
Hey Archnut,

Welcome to nomsv.

Hey Roy,
Glad you're ok.
Hey Lloydy,

I can't help but laugh at the thought of you in panties.

Archnut,

I think everybody reads both forums. I agree with Roy on the choice of forums though, but we straight guys don't usually talk about such things, and the natural(but wrong) assumption is that this is a gay problem.

What we all have in common is abuse. We are all here for each other. We have done nothing to help you if we are so distracted by protocol that we forget why we are here.

_________________________
"Knowledge itself is power" Francis Bacon

Top
#71573 - 10/27/02 09:41 AM Re: Cross Dressing
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
It's not a pretty sight New To This- that's a fact.
I'm 6'1", receding hair, beard and beer gut !!
What was I thinking of ?????? \:o

Lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

Top
#71574 - 10/27/02 05:51 PM Re: Cross Dressing
New to this Offline
Member

Registered: 09/16/02
Posts: 138
Loc: Mississippi
I would have made a good drag queen. At one time I thought I wanted to be one. I cross dressed from the time I was 5 until I was 19. Halloween was my favorite time of year.

My cross dressing started before any abuse that I know of, but it got really serious after my abuse.

LLoydy, I'm 5'4" & look really good in high heels, but I had some real containment & control issues with the ladies underwear.

Having said all that, I should say that now I'm happily married with kids. I haven't cross dressed in twenty something years, but I can still relate to it.

_________________________
"Knowledge itself is power" Francis Bacon

Top
#71575 - 10/27/02 11:03 PM Re: Cross Dressing
Sleepy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/08/02
Posts: 288
Loc: Arizona, USA
Archnut,
I've had this same problem. For me, my perp was my older sister. I use to love to try on her underwear and many of her dresses. My abuse happened when I was 5 but in my teenage years being in her clothes was the only way I could relate to being with a woman. The last few years I've struggled with my sexual identity and it's only now that I think I'm heterosexual. But as you can tell I read both forums because I can relate to both. Enjoy nomsv. It's helped me a lot.
Mike

_________________________
"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."
--Ursula K. Le Guin

"Mental health is a commitment to reality at all times."
--M. Scott Peck

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.