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#71494 - 06/24/02 03:34 AM Gay or not
Mark R Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 04/14/02
Posts: 29
Loc: Palm Springs, CA
I really don't mind those questioning their sexuality using the gay site. As a gay man, though, I am sometimes requesting a response from a gay man who has come to terms with his sexuality. I gladly respect all responses, but I am often intimidated feeling I don't belong because I don't have the questions or pain with my own sexuality. My problem isn't as bad as these guys, so I'll try and figure it out myself, is often the way I deal with this confusion. I don't have an answer, but wonder what other gay men think about this. All other comments would be welcome too. Thanks


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#71495 - 06/24/02 11:49 AM Re: Gay or not
bosishere Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/14/01
Posts: 161
Loc: nashville,tn,usa
Mark R, and to anybody else who reads this post. As you may have read in the past, I came to the acceptance of me being gay back when I was in Boston,MA way back in the sixties. American people are just beginning to "accept" the fact that we gays are here, and here to stay. As I have said that was the way people accepted females and their being rape victums back some thirty years ago. I, as you,think that some Americans think we are "wrong" when we say we are gay. I, very much like, to look at a good looking man, both frot AND back, and if people can't accept that, then TOUGH SHIT FOR THEM. What I am having a problem with is that me being gay is ok for me to accept, but why the hell is that acceptance creating a problem with me as I try to deal with all the physical AND mental problems that keep coming forward re me being a SA survivor AND a NYC subway accident survivor. As I say, "I am what I am....", and another person on this board, who says what I very much like, "we are all in this together." \:\) Bosishere


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#71496 - 07/15/02 10:24 AM Re: Gay or not
blaidd Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 240
Loc: Australia
Mark, I've been coming to this site on and off for a few years. I am a 34 year old gay man who celebrates and embraces his sexual identity and I'm also a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and adult rape. I'm happy being gay, just not happy that I've been abused and still trying to cope with the impact that it has on my life.

Nomsv is a great site and serves an important role. However, I have to admit that I personally find the gay survivor section of this site to be intimidating and unsafe. This is a big disappointment when as a gay male I certainly would like to interract with my gay peers in order to discuss issues.

While I understand that all male survivors may struggle with their sexuality identity at certain stages of their healing, I have a problem with the discussions in this forum posted by predominately straight men. The reason I have a problem is that there is an underlying expression of internalised homophobia and for me this is not conducive to a safe environment for men who do identify as gay.

You've asked for opinions and that's mine, and that's why I usually don't post here.

take care and safe hugs if you want them \:\) )

blaidd

_________________________
Blaidd (pronounced as blaith/blithe) is a welsh word meaning wolf.

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#71497 - 07/15/02 08:38 PM Re: Gay or not
Ron_dup1 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/13/02
Posts: 87
Loc: Arkansas
blaidd, Mark R, and other gay survivors-
First let me appologize for posting my questions about my sexuality in the gay area. I never intended to express homophobia or make anyone feel uncomfortable. When I post to this forum, I expect and look forward to hearing from gay men who may be able to help clarify what I am feeling.
I still don't know if I am gay, bi or just confused and I guess that is why I long for the gay man's perspective on certain issues. Again I appologize for any comments that made my gay brothers on this journey feel discounted or unappreciated. Please know that I value your opinions and your wisdom as you have traveled farther and had more experience on this road we are all wandering down.
Peace to you all,
Ron


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#71498 - 07/29/02 07:01 AM Re: Gay or not
BlueOne Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 07/29/02
Posts: 27
I'm glad that this topic was started because I'm new here, and I was excited that there was a seperate area for gay men, but then I started reading all these posts about how either a guy knows he's gay and hates himself for it, or a guy still does stuff with guys but considers himself straight and says that whatever he does with a guy is "acting out," and I felt a little intimidated and weird. I mean, not that those people are bad or anything, it's just not the world I'm living in, you know? I know I'm gay and I'm cool with it, proud of it, actually, and I thought maybe I was the only guy on here who identified as gay and was OK with it. But, I see I'm not and that's cool. And I totally don't want to be down on guys who are questioning what labels if any fit them, because I did that for awhile and I know it's tough, whatever your final conclusion is. It's just weird, though, to read about guys who say that they've been saved from the horror of gay sex by the love of a woman or whatever.


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#71499 - 07/29/02 12:47 PM Re: Gay or not
SoCalJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
Mark,

I like your post, i do the same thing, discount my situation and just plan on figuring it out myself, almost always from feeling like it is not that important, i am trying to change that cus i dont like it that i think of me that way. I think good info and feedback can come from anyone, please rethink the dont belong thing, i would like to hear more from gay men that are not struggling with the sexuality issues.

Bos,

I guess i dont see the connection with you being gay and it getting in the way of your dealing with abuse issues, i am not so convinced they are connected.

Blaidd,

I am glad you posted, i wish you would post more, i too get tired of the same things and wish that more gay men posted here. I sometimes feel the same things you mentioned, and i certainly wish this place had a more active gay section that was frequented by gays that are out and ok with being gay, i get so tired of the discussions that discount being gay or seperate us into some kind of seperate group from everyone else with there generalizations.

Ron,

Whether you know it or not you went to some lengths to identify yourself as seperate from the gay guys, I tend to think we are all in this together and i have a tough time with the labels, i have trouble hearing the need to seperate as anything constructive, certainly not about acceptance.

Blue one,

I hope you keep coming back and use this forum, and i want to validate your view of some of the posts here, i have had the same reaction and until now have not said anything, most of the time i just dont respond to the posts i cant identify with for whatever reason.

_________________________
I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

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#71500 - 07/29/02 04:58 PM Re: Gay or not
bosishere Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/14/01
Posts: 161
Loc: nashville,tn,usa
SoCalJohn and others who have posted on this issue. I am sorry if you or others thought that I was gay because of the abuse. I know that is not the case. I have ALWAYS, since the late 1960s came to the conclusion that I was gay, and I accepted that fact. Where the confusion does come in is now I am also dealing with the abuse that happened more that 50 years ago and I may be told by others who have been abused that maybe that problem made you gay. I never thought I wasn't gay, and a year after I was hit by a subway train, I came up with the phrase "I am what I am.. please understand me." If you can't understand that issue, then that is your problem. By the way, I much prefer watching men over the age of 20!! bosishere ;\) \:\)


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#71501 - 07/29/02 08:39 PM Re: Gay or not
SoCalJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
Bos,

I dont think i have ever said i thought anyone was gay because of their abuse. i think the whole sexuality issue is a little more complex than any single chapter in anyones life.

hang in there, k

John

_________________________
I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

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#71502 - 08/25/02 04:54 AM Re: Gay or not
Yoswadee42 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/25/02
Posts: 1
I think all of people in the world can't should sexually (male, female). Someone satisfy but someone doesn't like so who try to change sexually from original sexually . Although more people hate them. I think gays are persons who have special abilities such as in art ,music ,dance. Gays see clean, gentle (someone look smart ) but they are sensitive and cry when meet the sad event . People who hate gays because they think gays strange from normal sexually in the world . Especially parents who want their son are strong, arrogent , snobbish , smart or anything men have. When son doesn't like and want to be changed his sexually parents hate him. I hope maybe in the future the most people realize in sexually "gay" more than now.


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#71503 - 08/25/02 04:15 PM Re: Gay or not
Roy Offline
Member

Registered: 08/02/02
Posts: 184
Loc: Los Angeles
What the hell ...?


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