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#71372 - 04/07/02 08:10 PM ...yeah,I went thru this
Anonymous
Unregistered


From age 12 in 1958 till I graduated from Tustin High School in 1964 my mother was calling me to her bedroom. I was terrified of girls all that time. After graduation I was still terrified. Wondered if I was a momma's boy,queer,etc. In 1968 I met a guy on the Sunset Strip in LA. Said he was gay. Wanted to do the nasty with me. I figured this was Tinfoil's shot at finding out if he liked whangs. We went into a gas station men's room. He blew me. It did zilch. I gave him what I considered to be an A+ blow job. If you're going to do something,do it right. That's always been my motto. He loved it. Did nada for me. And that's how I found out I'm not gay. True story.


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#71373 - 04/08/02 04:20 AM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
fenics Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/25/02
Posts: 25
Loc: Midlands UK
Tinfoil

I did something similar, going with a male prostitute just to see how it felt. Like you it did not do a lot for me and although I could bring myself to touch him it was an effort. Interestingly, I only did this after I had come to the point where I would have been just as happy whichever way it went - if I had still been worried about peoples reactions to me coming out then I probably would not have done it.

But despite now being quite sure of where I am sexually I still get occassional fantasies of gay sex, usually when I am especially turned on. I think this is to do with being turned on by being made to do things I really don't want to do. (No prizes for guessing wherethat came from!)

So I'm not confused anymore but there are occassional moments of confusion.

fenics


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#71374 - 04/08/02 11:31 AM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
bosishere Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/14/01
Posts: 161
Loc: nashville,tn,usa
Guys, is't life a challenge, no matter which way one goes? bos


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#71375 - 04/08/02 10:31 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Anonymous
Unregistered


I go to great lengths not to be explicit. But in this case,an exception because I felt it was important as re sexual confusion. And it really did happen. I'm not making it up. The incident actually helped me. A lot. Same as when mom's incest went from implied to actual/physical. I had thought I was insane,imagining it all. Then she came into my bedroom,masturbated me. I realized I was'nt insane,that this was really happening.


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#71376 - 04/30/02 06:47 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
from the age of 11 to 15 I was abused by a gang of older boys led by a teacher at boarding school, from the day they stopped I never had sex with another man- until..
The fantasy of sex with strange men became an obsession and eventually I started acting out until the inevitable happened when I was 46.
And it was exactly like my fantasy, I couldn't have>
_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#71377 - 04/30/02 07:49 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
goflyakiteV Offline
Member

Registered: 05/24/01
Posts: 66
Loc: n.a.
TO YOU ALL...
I HAVE READ A LOT OF STUFF HERE AND AM STILL HAVING A PROBLEM WITH MY SEX FANTASIES! I CAN'T STOP THINKING HOW GOOD IT FELT WHEN I DID IT WITH A GUY WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, BUT KNOW, BEING 55, I JUST SIT BACK AND REMEMBER HOW I FELT WHEN I WAS MOLESTED BY 3 GUYS MY FIRST TIME AT THE AGE OF 6 AND I SHUDDER TO THINK THAT I MIGHT HAVE THAT SAME FEELING TO DO THAT TO ANOTHER GUY...I GET SCARED WHEN THIS HAPPENS

I GUESS THATS WHEN REALITY TAKES OVER AND I GO IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR AND STRIP AND TELL MYSELF I'M NO GOOD...OH WELL, WHAT TO DO...


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#71378 - 05/01/02 12:21 AM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Anonymous
Unregistered


I'm waiting for the Japanese to come out with the first really good sex doll robots. I'd pay five grand for one. Damn right. Does'nt have to be Star Trek. Close will do.
You can order a guy one. I'll order my sister when she was 15 and I was 12. Arafat can order a camel. The Catholic Church will be buying these by the gross. The mind boggles..!!


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#71379 - 05/01/02 02:35 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Anonymous
Unregistered


I was trying to make a point with my last post. That there's more involved with sex than sticking a penis in a hole. Any hole human,animal,vegetable or mineral,male or female. From what I've read and heard about child molesters,other than screwing kids they're normal enough to function within society. These guys can't be cured. They can't be held in prison forever and they can't be executed. I'm wondering if providing these guys with an actual robotic child would satisfy their desires and protect society.


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#71380 - 05/01/02 08:39 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Sticking a penis in a hole without, love, care, affection, trust and all the other stuff that's considered desirable is just a physical action. And if that's what we learn at a tender age it appears that's what we're stuck with. And changing our attitudes and perceptions of sex seems just about impossible ( if I'm wrong - tell me -PLEASE )
So how hard is it to change the behaviour of offenders who don't want to change ?
Give them dolls ? It's the expensive option, let them fuck each others brains out- in jail - for life.

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#71381 - 05/02/02 12:35 AM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Anonymous
Unregistered


But it begs the question "Is this what it's all about,an orgasm?". I spent two years behind bars for drug possession during the late 60s/early 70s. I did'nt rape anyone. I whacked off. No-one got hurt. I had my orgasms,the fantasies were in Technicolor and no-one got hurt. A good time was had. Maybe it's cause I was born in 1946 from a different era and all that. But I think the guys nowadays who fuck children are pathetic. They've got fucked up brains. They're into this New Age bullshit that excuses and justifies their wants. Well hey ya know it's not their fault. They had a bad childhood. Poor babies!

[ May 01, 2002: Message edited by: Tinfoil ]


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#71382 - 05/02/02 07:26 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Orgasm isn't the only pleasure out there, but good ones are great !
The sadness is that most are a struggle, either doing it myself or making love with my wife, nearly all my sex is overshadowed by my abusers even after 32 years. Either their faces laughing at me, or a fantasy they left me with hovering over me.
I understand the mechanics of their legacy now, but I haven't overcome it. I've tried the fantasy and didn't like it.
I guess keeping a fantasy in your head probably isn't such a bad thing, but just how tough is it to keep it there and resist acting out ? Too tough for me that's for sure. If people want to fuck goats in their minds I don't care, act out and I'm on the goats defence !
The thought that just for the choice of the theme my fantasies take, I could have been fucking goats, or worse, scares the shit out of me.
That's some fucking fine line !!!

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#71383 - 05/02/02 10:19 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Anonymous
Unregistered


In my case it drove me fuckin nuts having my mother's face flash into consciousness each time I approached orgasm. I was 24 years old in 1970 when a hippie girl at Laguna Beach,Calif finnally took pity on me. We both dropped acid and had intercourse. The explosion of colours was magnificant. After that,everytime I approached orgasm mom's visiage would appear just before orgasm and my dick went limp. Reached the point where I screamed obscenities at the bitch. I finnally cured it by WANTING mom's visiage. Figured why fight it? Mom's face would pop into existence,I'd ask "Hey mom don't fret it. I'll do you after I cum in this twat. You're the best,mom. I love you". She always felt threatened if I got anywhere NEAR girls. That was,gosh,I don't know how many decades ago. She still comes back once in awhile though she died on Sept 4th,1994. I gave up sex with humans at age 38 in,um,1984. Been whacking my pud ever since. I have a pile of those "Over 50" sex mags filled with porno photos of women that look just like mom. I whack off to the photos remembering the "good ol days". So like I'm gonna see a shrink,right? And get this all cleared up. Naw I don't think so. Just to even things out I have a pile of "Barely Legal" mags. The girls look just like my older sister. There's a story here but I'm not telling. Life is good..!!


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#71384 - 05/03/02 12:55 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Be cool Tinfoil, I'm off playing with my 4x4 for the weekend, ( cheap thrills ! )
Lloydy \:D

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#71385 - 05/03/02 07:39 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Anonymous
Unregistered


I'll bet you're driving a Land Rover. I'm planning to move to http://www.mexonline.com/felipe.htm
shortly. Actually,south of San Felipe. Probably Laguna Percebu. My present vehical is a near-new Suzuki Samuri 4-wheeler. Will upgrade to a Jeep Wrangler-type plus Honda ATC. Location's out in the boondocks in one of the most-remote locations on the planet. Will have satellite internet ISP powered by solar panels & batteries plus gas generator for when the sun does'nt shine. I've spent decades exploring the vast wildnernesses of northern Baja illegally excavating ancient indian village sites. Ti Pai,Pai Pai,Cocopah,Seri,etc. And no I don't sell the artifacts for gawdsake. I preserve them for future generations. There IS lost Spanish treasure in Baja. Gold,silver,pearls. If I find it,it's mine. The Mexican government can jolly well gargle my whang.

[ May 03, 2002: Message edited by: Tinfoil ]

[ May 03, 2002: Message edited by: Tinfoil ]


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#71386 - 05/06/02 06:54 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Tinfoil
I've had RangeRovers but got fed up waiting for tow trucks ! Now it's a battered old Landcruiser.
But for the REAL off roading I use a home built special for serious competition trialling, which is where I've been this weekend, running a three day event at a disused lead mine in Wales.
And it's the greatest distraction and relaxation I have found, it's bloody hard work but it takes me away from my past.
I was just washing the crap off in the shower and thinking how free my weekend had been from flashbacks and fantasies, which was bliss.
Trialling has given me an awful lot, it still scares the shit out of me when I do multiple rolls down a mountainside ( I'll get the hang of it one day ! ) but overcoming the fear to drive flat out up a near vertical wall of loose stones has helped me overcome my other fears.
And becoming involved in a club, I edit / write the newsletter and all manner of other jobs,has given me the confidence to deal with other people and not feel I am about to be shafted by them. To organize this weekend I have dealt with site owners, drivers, toilet rental, catering, stupid spectators, cows on the track and all kinds of crap, ending up today with presenting prizes to the victorious drivers.
All this wasn't possible 10 years ago, I would have hired one toilet and ten catering trucks and driven the cows, and the prizegiving would still be going on now because I stammered so badly.
I put a lot into our club because I get a lot out, insane weekends and my sanity !

PS
I love deserts as well, and I have been lucky enough to have spent two vacations in the SW USA. Off roading based in Moab naturally.
And I have a horror story of wrecking a rental Jeep Cherokee in the desert near Escalante that nearly killed my wife and I, we were only rescued by sheer chance.
This episode also gives me nightmares and flashbacks. So how come I dont see a shrink about them ? ;\)

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#71387 - 05/06/02 06:59 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
PPS
San Felipe looks cool, enjoy the sunshine- spoil yourself.

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#71388 - 05/06/02 07:19 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Anonymous
Unregistered


I was wondering about 4-wheeling in England. Not to sound like a stupid American but where can you go,the Cliffs of Dover? I did'nt think there was much 4-wheeling room left in England. Moab's nice but the local religion's a little strange. I notice the ads for room/house rentals all read "MUST HAVE LDS STANDARDS". I think that means ya gotta have 12 wives and at least one of them must be your sister. Heh,heh. Oh those Mormons! Manti's nice,too. Especially the mountain range rising behind it. And yes,to do these things in lovely natural wildernesses makes "it" stop for awhile. I will leave for Baja,Mexico just after June 1st. I'll go thru Calexico/Mexicali to San Felipe. Then down to Puertocitas. From there it's Dirt & Hell all the way to Gonzaga Bay. Puertocitas has volcanic hot springs by the seashore that fill with water at high tide. I like to sit in them drinking ice cold Mexican beer,naked,while multicolored tropical fish swim around my submerged body. There are bright yellow fish,irridescent blue,red and neon-green ones. Reminds me of the 60s. Life is good!

[ May 06, 2002: Message edited by: Tinfoil ]


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#71389 - 05/07/02 07:54 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
well we aint got huge areas of wilderness to 4x4 in so the hardcore fringe tend to do competitive stuff and take it to the limit. This weekend as the idiot in charge I managed to get 4 good multiple rolls and about a 30% breakage rate on the motors !!
But there are some fabulous drives still left that you could drive a tidy RangeRover through without any serious damage, if any, but the greenies are are on our case.
The Mormons don't bother me too much, we were rescued by a couple who I have no doubt were Mormons and their kindness and hospitality will be with us forever. I never get the impression they are pushing their religion, and if thats what it takes for them to be a decent person who am I to criticise ? But the moment a Jehovas witness knocks on the door I grow horns, when I want religion I know where to find it. The school where I was abused had a deeply relegious culture and I left there a confirmed heathen.
The rock pool sounds soooooo good, crack open another beer for me and the guys when you get there.
\:D

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#71390 - 05/07/02 10:41 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Anonymous
Unregistered


I've got a fundamentalist evangelical born-again Christian on my ass right now. I told him several years ago that I was horrifically sexually abused by my own mother. Instantly he tagged me as a vulnerable potential convert to his hillbilly snake oil religion. These people figure if you're weak enough to get fucked once that a #2 fucking is in order. Did'nt work with me. I've got my asshole sealed with roofing cement.


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#71391 - 05/09/02 06:43 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
we all have our specialist radars I guess ? ;\)

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#71392 - 05/09/02 09:55 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Anonymous
Unregistered


Stems from a long time ago. Back during the 50s. The incest thing was going on. "Family",the concept of went away. I was alone. No therapy back then. No-one to talk to. No-one to come rescue me. So I went where I had to go. I was little and powerless in a World of adults. They ran everything. None of them could be trusted. I stood in the background quietly. Listening,watching,taking mental note. Now their World belongs to me. They are the sheep,me the wolf. And I will lay waste to the bastards should they even look at me crosseyed. Oh,by the way. I have something published in today's Jerusalem Post newspaper,Israel,letters section entitled "I don't care anymore".


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#71393 - 05/10/02 06:57 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Anonymous
Unregistered


I'd better expound on this. Look,we live in the Age of Scam. Everything around us is bullshit. We're being marketed at 24/7. We're hit on from 360 degrees from the moment we awake till we sleep at day's end.
It's all about conformity,not making waves and "going along". Don't you get tired of it? The people who post at NOMSV know about shame. Self-imposed shame is bad enough but fretting about shame induced from outside ourselves is ridiculous. Are you kind to animals? Have you got a dog or cat that loves you? Are you evil? I think not. Whether you're physically attractive,rich,famous,powerful or the whatnot it means absolutely nothing. Do you like what you are? I mean deep-down. Can you look at yourself and say "I'm a pretty damn good guy"? Well that's all that matters. The people out there who'd cast aspersions at you can suck ass. Like yourself. Be proud of who you are. Hold your head up and look your detractors in the eye. Tell them to go fuck off. Took decades of suffering for me to learn this.


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#71394 - 05/11/02 08:33 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
I'm just learning this trick, beginning to believe in myself, trusting myself, liking myself and even loving myself.
It's taken thirty fucking years !! and that could be a reason for being pissed off, but I'm even getting over that- slowly. ;\)

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#71395 - 05/11/02 10:33 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Anonymous
Unregistered


Hi Lloydy. I solved the problem at age 13 in 1959. The incest from my mother had been going on for months. It finnally dawned on me that this'd be a permanent thing. I called it "the game". One lovely Saturday afternoon my mother,father & sister left the house. I went into my father's garage,took a leather pouch from his workbench holding a thick steel needle 8" long he used for repairing canvas and I sat on our livingroom couch. I grabbed the meat of my thigh,squeezed it together so it made a big lump,told myself "I will make the pain not be" and pushed the needle into my flesh. It would'nt go very far. So I went back to the garage,found a lockwrench. Using the lockwrench to hold the huge spike firmly I told myself once again "I will make the pain not be" and slowely shoved the entire length of it thru the gathered thigh-meat skin,fat and muscle till my thigh was pierced thru & thru. Somewhere in the distance Hellish fires burned. Afterwards I sat there admiring my handiwork. And I knew then that what my mother was doing to me I could make go away. I could make it not be. I could take it from me and put it in the air above and behind my shoulders where it would fester with a hellish irridescence. So there it is. And here,distant from it I am. Let it blaze. I am immune,protected. Forever. Nothing can hurt me anymore.


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#71396 - 05/12/02 07:46 AM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Tinfoil
It's a hell of a way to go through life, making ourselves miserable in a vain attempt to feel better. And it doesn't matter if it's physical or mental, a self beating is pretty shitty.
I took the mental approach and kept myself small and insignificant to those around me, even though I was bolshie and argumentitive. But the bolshie part was misdirected anger.
My personal achievements were zero, I had 30 years of being an "also ran"
I don't do that any more, I've seen what I can do, I know how clever I really am, and best of all I recognise my good and bad qualities. I still have shitty / depressive times, but I know what it's like on both sides so I try to steer myself the right way.
I finally recognise that my abusers are fucking scumbags, and doomed to remain so.
I'm not, I've left them behind

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#71397 - 05/12/02 05:16 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Anonymous
Unregistered


Glad to hear that things are turning out okay,Lloydy. When you're a kid and the World's run by adults,who you gonna blame? Can't be the adults. I recall those silent conversations with myself all those decades ago. And in fact extending up to several years ago. That makes it around 40 years. I asked myself "What am I? What am I really?". Answer was always the same. "You're a monster. You're a motherfucker. Not a joke motherfucker. A for-real motherfucker. Your existence insults God. Your contribution to humanity is urine and feces. You hav'nt even got the guts to kill yourself. Think how many men have died for God and Country. And here you sit making a whine. You're pathetic.
You deserve nothing,will achiev nothing. No-one will ever love you after they find out what you are. Which they will do. There's no escape for you. Kill yourself. Think of the lowest foulest thing you can envision. Have you got that in your mind now? Good. You're lower than that thing. Kill yourself,coward. Do at least one fucking thing that people can say good things about you because of".
I'm still alive. That's a bit of a miracle.


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#71398 - 05/12/02 06:52 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Do we have recover to a state where we begin to think like "normal" adults to begin to see how adults shafted us when we were supposed be kids ?
My abuse was discovered at school, after an early incident where I was raped by 5 or 6 older boys because I was backing away from the low level abuse their leader had started with me, it was a show of force. I was given a pack of 10 cigarettes as payment to shut me up. Walking away from my ordealI was found in possesion of them by a teacher and marched off to the headmaster. I was also dirty and disheveled as I did put up a bit of a fight.
I was questioned for a long while about who I'd been fighting with and eventually I gave him the whole, true story. I was sent away while he questioned the rapists. Obviously they lied and stuck together and were believed.
I was sent for again and caned for the cigarettes, and for fighting- twelve strokes in all. I was branded a liar and trouble maker. I was never examined by the matron or anything, my arse was bleeding before the caning, proof if he bothered to look.
this obviously gave them free reign over me and the abuse went on for another 4 years.
I hate the headmaster more than my rapists, he may as well have bent me over the desk and fucked me instead of caning me. The most powerful man in my world didn't believe me, who else could I tell ? The scumbag died many years ago, otherwise I would be haunting him.
I too retreated into a world without adults, I became the trouble maker I was branded as a kid, I rebeled as a young adult in the '70's and hated normal adult behaviours.
I thought I was so useless it wasn't worth the effort of trying to conform. I was an olympic slacker.
I've detached myself off into other places for as long as I can remember, still do sometimes.
And I still have problems with authority figures, Is that a surprise ?

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#71399 - 05/13/02 10:00 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Anonymous
Unregistered


Hi Lloydy. Because of what happened to us,we avoid confrontation. Out there rubbing shoulders with society that characteristic is often appraised as
a weakness,vulnerability. It is on their part..a misjudgement. Because of what happened to us we end up pushing a broom across a floor. Minimum wage loser jobs. The fellows we're forced to work with..well here in America I conceptualized them as "rednecks". Long story but I've left a number of rednecks laying on the cold cement workplace floor starring up at me with astonished facial expressions,blood running from the corners of their mouths. That's why I'm lucky to have been given an inheritance-of-monies. It's been over a decade since I've collected a paycheck. No-one will hurt me again. Nor I hurt them.


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#71400 - 05/14/02 01:29 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Anonymous
Unregistered


By the way. I'll bet that characteristic is not uncommon among adult survivors of childhood molestation. Avoiding confrontation at almost any cost. And that trait drawing the attention of bullies who attack the victim relentlessly until the victim responds violently. This happening most-often in the workplace environment. The childhood molestation made it impossible for me to interact normally with others in the give & push of life. I could'nt protect myself like others could. Others saw that,viewed me as a coward.


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#71401 - 05/14/02 01:48 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Ask the guys I've had by the throat over the years !!
Not any more, I now realise I'm as smart as they are, or smarter, and I wont be climbed all over. And figuring that out has quelled my anger, I just walk away now- with a fucking smug look on my face.
\:D

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#71402 - 05/14/02 05:45 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Anonymous
Unregistered


Hi Lloydy. Cerebral wins almost every time over stupid bullies. And by the way I happen to love the Brits' dry sense of humor. I learned to emulate it years ago. The technique is decidedly vicious. A Brit can insult a guy and the guy sits there for an hour wondering what just happened. Eventually it dawns on him. I love it!


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#71403 - 05/15/02 07:28 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
"There is no sin except stupidity"

Oscar Wilde ( ok, he's Irish- but it's close )

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#71404 - 05/15/02 10:15 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Stephen_5 Offline
BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/00
Posts: 667
Loc: Northern California Foothills
I always was afraid of my anger. When I was a teenager (after the abuse stopped) I would get explosively angry and then no one would bother me for a while. Later on, after a particularly scary incident, I became someone that got taken advantage of in the workplace and at home. I aquiesced to any threat, real or not, I avoided confrontation at all costs. I developed into a concensus type of manager where I made sure that everyone bought into what needed to be done. I ended up always being in the middle of things, always smoothing over the rough spots in everyone else existence and seldom giving myself any slack.

Since I've started dealing with my abuse issues, I've changed. I haven't grabbed anyone by the throat, yet, but I stand up for myself and my ideas. Some of the diplomacy survival skills that I developed earlier come in handy now. I can tell people to go to hell in such a way that they'll look forward to the trip. Some of them never knew what hit them. I love it.

Take care of yourselves guys, we're all in this together.

Steve

_________________________
I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

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#71405 - 05/16/02 07:01 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Surviving and getting better takes all kinds of strengths, is it any surprise that they rub off into our "normal" lives. I do things now I wouldn't have contemplated a few years ago. Sometimes I surprise myself, and I love it.
Lloydy \:D

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#71406 - 05/16/02 07:42 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
goflyakiteV Offline
Member

Registered: 05/24/01
Posts: 66
Loc: n.a.
YOU KNOW,,,I HAVE READ ALL WHAT YOU GUYS HAVE WRITTEN, AND I NOW FEEL DIFFERENT ABOUT MYSELF...JUST A LITTLE THO. AND I CAN SEE SOME LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL, I JUST NEEDED TO LOOK FOR IT, AND READING HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF TINFOIL, AND YOU TOO LYODY, I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR SUCH HONESTY AND GUT FEELINGS. WHY SHOULD I HIDE, AND SNEEK AROUND WITH FEAR THAT SOMEONE MIGHT LOOK AT ME. SO, COME ON, LOOK AT ME. TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE, I CAN FEND FOR MYSELF TOO!!! TRY ME!

THANKS FOR ALL YOUR HONESTY GUYS, HAVE A GREAT TIME FOUR WHEELING, AND BE CAREFUL LAYING ON THE SAND...FOR THE SAND DOTH HATH FLEAS! SCOT


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#71407 - 05/16/02 08:07 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Be cool Scot, you're the only one that counts.
Lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#71408 - 05/16/02 08:41 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Anonymous
Unregistered


Hi goflyakiteV. It's what we do when no-one's watching that's important. There's a little test I use to appraise others that I must associate with. I lay a small amount of money in plain site then walk away. After awhile I come back. If the money's gone that tells me all I need to know of the person left alone with it. There's other takeoffs on this. All involve trust. Most from my generation (1946) don't need a policeman present to make sure we do the right thing.


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#71409 - 05/17/02 08:32 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
We have no reason to hide or feel small- just walk into a room and say to yourself "fuck 'em all, I'm just as good or better than they are !"
Lloydy
\:D

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#71410 - 05/22/02 11:00 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Anonymous
Unregistered


You've got that tagged correctly,Lloydy. In the end we're alone with our private acknowlegements. Nothing from outside matters. Evil presents itself plainly. There are no gray regions. No justifications. We all screw up to varying degrees. That's what makes us human. There's a difference twixt those proud of the Thing and the others of whom society fears and hates.


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#71411 - 05/23/02 02:04 AM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
goflyakiteV Offline
Member

Registered: 05/24/01
Posts: 66
Loc: n.a.
TINFOIL-LLOYDY...THANKS!! I JUST FIGURED OUT WHY I STAY HERE AND READ ALL THIS STUFF....YOU GUYS. GOOD SENCE, GOOD COME BACKS, AND GOOD ADVICE, AT LEAST THATS MY POINT OF VIEW!

I BOW TO YOUR KNOLEGDE AND SUPPORT......SLEEP WELL TONIGHT.......SCOT ( 'THE FORMER ASSHOLE' ) ;\)


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#71412 - 05/23/02 03:33 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Tinfoil & Scott
If ANYONE can't deal with me and my history- they're history. Why should I bother.
They screwed me up, I didn't do it. And as you say- to screw up is human. But I can honestly say I haven't screwed up someone's complete life. I've fucked a few peoples days up that's for sure, but I have never been evil or malicious to others. Not even now I have discovered what happened to me, forgiveness ? dont know, probably just me being a lazy bastard. That much hate is just too much work.
I thought differently for so long, I imagined I was fucking everything around me up and letting everyone down. But now I know it wasn't me, it was them. "fuck 'em !"
Lloydy
;\)

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#71413 - 05/24/02 10:38 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Anonymous
Unregistered


Hi Lloydy. That's what it boils down to. There's this interaction with our fellows. Ya gotta mess with the landlord,get to work on time lest the boss have a bitch-attack and be nice to that cop who's playing attitude check and loving every minute of it. And the politicians,oh yeah they're fun. Oh they're SOO disgusting! But void of all that,there you are. Just another dipshit like the rest of us. Doing the right thing,making the right choice seldom brings reward or even acknowledgement. But we do it. Day in and day out. We're the people who make the World function. Not the Presidents,Kings nor queens nor dictators. It's us. We're not pretty nor receiving of media attention. Yet,the World is ours'. Without us,civilization ceases to exist. Never forget that.


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#71414 - 05/25/02 07:48 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
And I do MY thing day in - day out. I have learned not to give a flying fart about other people- unless they have gained some kind of respect from me. And all they have to do to earn that is be basically decent people.
Lloydy ;\)

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#71415 - 05/25/02 10:10 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Anonymous
Unregistered


It has to be that way,Lloydy. Otherwise we're only fools. I have learned thru long experience to beware those who come to us professing their unconditional assistance. Read the fine print. Very,very carefully.


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#71416 - 05/26/02 10:58 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
goflyakiteV Offline
Member

Registered: 05/24/01
Posts: 66
Loc: n.a.
LLOYDY AND TINFOIL....I AGREE WITH WHAT YOU BOTH SAY! I WAS ALWAYS GETTING BEATIN UP OR MOUTHED AT BY EVERYONE....NOW I COULD CARE LESS! WORDS DON'T BOTHER ME AS MUCH ANYMORE. BUT I CAN TELL YOU IF SOMEONE PICKS ON ME OR EVEN LOOKS AT ME FUNNY, I GO UP TO THEM IN THEIR FACE AND ASK " WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT? "

I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.............!


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#71417 - 05/27/02 12:55 AM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
goflyakiteV Offline
Member

Registered: 05/24/01
Posts: 66
Loc: n.a.
LLOYDY...ARE YOU MAD AT ME?? I HOPE I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING WRONG...IF I DID, I APOLOGISE, SINCERLY!!! I TRY MY HARDEST NOT TO OFFEND PEOPLE, BUT SOMETIMES WITH MY BIG MOUTH AND STUPID MIND, I GET ALITTLE SHITTY..SOOOOO, TELL ME AND I WILL CORRECT MY MOUTH AND MIND.........SLEEP WELL TONIGHT.....SCOT

PS....IS THIS WHY YOUR UPSET????


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#71418 - 05/27/02 01:41 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Scot
I aint upset at anyone here mate. I just addressed that post to you and Tinfoil as a reply, I wasn't having a go at anyone here.
I'm getting far too much out of this site to do that, I enjoy your company here, it's worth a lot.
Lloydy \:\)

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#71419 - 05/27/02 02:53 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
We are all in this together.

Right?

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#71420 - 05/27/02 07:00 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
goflyakiteV Offline
Member

Registered: 05/24/01
Posts: 66
Loc: n.a.
LLOYDY...OK, I GUESS I DON'T YET UNDERSTAND THE BRITISH. I SHOULD, I LIVE IN N.C. AND THEY HAVE A DIFFERENT SENCE OF HUMOR THAN I DO. I WAS BORN AND RAISED IN THE MIDWEST.

I HAVE FRIENDS THAT LIVE IN TORONTO AND QUEBEC,AND BC, OH YEAH,AND IN NEWFOUNDLAND. I GUESS I SHOULD HAVE READ BETWEEN THE LINES AND JUST CHILL OUT!

I GLAD YOUR NOT MAD AT ME, I HAVE THREE PEOPLE MAD AT ME DOWN HERE, NOT TO MENTION MY WIFE. BUT THATS A DIFFERENT STORY.

I ASKED HER AGAIN IF I COULD TAKE THE JEEP OFFROAD..............GUESS WHAT SHE SAID???
....SCOT

THIS ONE GUT IN


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#71421 - 05/27/02 07:05 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Anonymous
Unregistered


I'm not mad at you either,goflyakiteV. The Thing's no pushbutton solution. Were it,we'd be insects. Hive mentality,honeybees,ants,termites. The snapjudgement solutions look good on the surface. We're just caught in the time-stream of evolutionary societal progress.

[ May 27, 2002: Message edited by: Tinfoil ]


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#71422 - 05/27/02 07:47 PM Re: ...yeah,I went thru this
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Thanks for that Scot.
Lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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