I am rather new at this. both my late therapist and my current one suspected with almost 90% certainty that i had been sexually abused by my fourth grade teacher, mr. brown, back in 1974. i show all the symptoms of someone who had been abused, including a fixation on young boys, as though i am a victim ready to commit the criminal's crime. that I am gay is a complicating issue. i have also been thinking about the man i met when i was fourteen, who was kind enough to pay attention to me for about ninety minutes while we talked politics. my sense was that I wanted him to take me away to be with him. these thoughts came to mind after watching hte film "LIE," which is about a child molester's pursuit of a gay teenaged boy. if you ever get the chance to watch it, do so. it is powerful.

eric

I just saw the movie LIE. I bolted out of the theater at the end. its very true to life. pedofiles are very seductive. I could barely drive home I was in such a zombie state. I understand what you are going through. I was married and have 3 kids and have now been in a wonderful relationship for years. I get help when I need it and it am pretty happy as a result. let me know if I can help. cspence3@aol.com

hello, Still 12, Eric, and Pondboy. I have read, and re-read several times your three posts, and I, like you, don't know how to proceed to hopefully end all of my thughts, and confusion. As some of you may know, I was raped over 200 times over a half of year timeframe, in a hospital. I like Still 12, have foregiven those two 18 year old men. I was only 7. But now, and over the past several years, when I see a young boy, and in particular, a young boy and his father, walk down the pathways at a church, no less, or sometimes other places, I cry openly, and say to myslef "I hope and pray you don't have happen to you what happened to me." It will just not go away, no matter what I try. I have not seen the film "Life", but I'm going to ask my counselor about the film, and how it fits into my case. I'm 57, gay, and disabled - after being struck by a NYC subway train, but I can deal with all of that. I've been seeing a counselor each week, for 14 months, and I thought the horrid past would "go back in my memorary, or go away, but it hasn't and has gotten stronger. So like you - Still 12, and Eric, I just don't know, and for me, that is VERY, VERY HARD TO DEAL WITH. I like what, I believe, it is Jerlmey says -"we are all in this together." We are, and we do help each other. bosishere